Day 214 - Fear of people - Being alone

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and resist doing things alone

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and resist going dancing / climbing alone, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as to which activity to participate with and which not, based on if I have someone to go with me, within this, I realize that I have not been applying this as a point of practicality but rather of fear, as I fear and resist going alone due to accepting the fear of facing people on my own, and thus, I allow this fear to limit me

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear and resisting doing things alone due to going into my mind in thoughts as back chat and future projections and imaginations of how it will be when if go alone and have people / strangers talk to me

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid going places alone because in my imaginations and future projections of how it will be I cannot come up with how it will be and so I fear the unknown from a starting point of not trusting myself, as if by not knowing exactly how it will be, who will be there and what they will say, I cannot trust that I will know how to handle the situation

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel more comfortable doing things when I have someone to do it with, though when looking practically when I am at the event I do enjoy meeting new people and having new conversations, and so it is not an actual fear of people but more of an idea of fear as future projection and "worst case scenario" syndrom

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the following back chat when thinking of going somewhere alone:

"I will be standing there all alone and I will be pathetic"

"No one will talk to me and I will look lonely and rejected"

"The only people that will talk to me will be the ones I don't want talking to me"

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the back chat that I have been participating in and thus allowing myself to be directed by it without looking at what it is showing me as who I am

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the back chat "I will be standing there all alone and I will be pathetic" and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate being alone to being pathetic, as I have place a value on standing alone and have defined it within an energetic polarity as someone unwanted that symbolized being rejected, unwanted

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief / idea that no one would prefer being alone and thus being alone would never be by choice, but rather a result of being rejected and unwanted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place an idea of being alone and thus to separate myself from alone as the living word, within not allowing myself to see myself as who I am as the word alone, and thus within looking at myself as the expression of the word I have not allowed myself to investigate the word within and as myself

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that, when I am not in my mind in imaginations and ideas and judgments, and allow myself to be here in breath, I do enjoy myself being alone, and thus, I know within myself that being alone is not bad / pathetic, yet I have allowed myself to exist within this idea and live my life accordingly, as accepting this model / construct and playing by those rules, even though within myself I know that I do enjoy doing things alone when I allow myself to do so mind-free

 

When and as I want to do something and see the thoughts / fears / resistance of doing it alone come up, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical, and remind myself that I do enjoy doing things alone and that it is only the mind as thoughts that is creating the resistance towards doing things alone - within this, I commit myself, when these thoughts as resistance towards doing things alone come up, to stop and breathe and reassess the situation and if practically doing it alone makes sense, then, to push myself to do it and over come the fear as a step towards self trust, as I have evaluated the situation and have directed myself to go ahead and enjoy myself and not allow myself to be limited by the mind's ideas

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that my fear of being alone stems from my judgment towards being alone, and thus the very same judgment I hold towards others as I see them standing alone, I fear facing when it will be turned to me as I stand alone, within tis, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as less than me, for standing alone, while in fact admiring them and looking up to them for not allowing themselves to be limited, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a polarity within my relationship towards the word alone, as I desire the ability to stand alone and thus project that as comparison and hidden jealousy, and at the same time, as to hide from myself the admiration, to spite those that stand alone in judgemt as to view them as pathetic and thus create within myself the fear of being looked at by others in the same way that I judge those that stand alone

 

When and as I see myself judging others for being alone, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that being alone does not define who they are as good or bad, and that by participating in such in-mind gossip I am not only allowing the construct of judgment and gossip to be, but I am also causing myself direct consequences as the fear of being on the other side of the coin, as to be judged as I judge. And so, I commit myself to stop and breathe, to bring myself back here, and look at the physical reality of the situation without the attachments of values I have added to it, as good / bad