Showing posts with label justifications. Show all posts
Showing posts with label justifications. Show all posts
Sunday, October 28, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Day 73 - Spitefulness - Part 5 – Self Commitments
I've been writing out many points/characters that are related to spitefulness, characters that when I go into them I allow myself to become spiteful, characters that I use as justification for my spitefulness/nastiness/evilness
I realize this is just the tip of the ice burg since all these characters are a whole construct within themselves, and thus in this spitefulness series blog I am just referring to how the relate directly to spitefulness, though I realize that in time I will investigate each of them individually as to be able to stop them and the outflow of spitefulness more effectively.
Judgment - Being corrected - Not trusting - Fair game - Being miss treated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as judgment, where I scan a persons looks/behavior/words and place a judgment on them as good/bad, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself judge their looks/behavior/words based on an accepted social norm as a value system without having investigated the implications of such social norms as value system, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the social norms as a guide line to what/how things/people should be and when I find someone stepping out of these lines I judge them for it, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite that which I judge as a way to establish perceived order in the social norm and value system that is being disrupted by these being which I judge, in other words, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite that which I judge within allowing myself to be the judge and place the punishment for the disruption of order, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use spite as a form of retaliation towards that which is not aligned with the social norm that I have accepted as my own
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this judgment as a point of comparison as a way to define myself as better/worse than the person I am judging and thus to place my self definition on how I perceive others to be and how I compare to them, while not seeing the mirror dimension within the judgment construct, as I am seeing in them that which I believe I lack in myself, or that which I judge within myself, thus not allowing myself to see that the judgment is actually showing me back to myself and not really indicating anything about the other, within not allowing myself to realize this point, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go from judgment/comparison/self definition to spitefulness towards the other being, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the judgment and thus to believe the comparison as self definition, and within believing myself to be inferior/superior to the other being I allow myself to spite them as a way to enforce my power over them, either in my mind as thoughts or in actuality as words/actions, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resort to spitefulness as a point of actually wanting/desiring to harm/hurt/abuse this being based on the judgment I have placed and in complete disregard of them as the totality of them as life as equal to me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within/as a negative energetic reaction when being corrected, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite the being that is correcting me because I have taken the correction personally, as if they have corrected me to spite me, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the circumstances as how others communicate with me, and to allow myself to react to their words, as I take it personally and believe that I have done something wrong and should thus be ashamed instead of looking at the point and seeing within common sense if I can in fact correct myself within it, within the negative experience of shame I blame the other being for creating this experience within me, not realizing that I am self responsible for all allowed experiences within/as myself, and thus within believing they are to blame for my bad feeling I spite them in my mind/words/actions, wanting to hurt/harm them as to retaliate for the bad experience they gave me, thus doing onto them the very thing I took personally within believing they corrected me within spite
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to spite beings that I don't trust, as a form of self protection, in the sense of not trusting what they say or how they behave, within believing they have hidden agendas and thus within the fear of being conned I spite them not realizing that in fact I am showing myself that I don't trust myself to, in every moment, be able to see the common sense of the situation and direct myself accordingly, thus I project the lack of self trust onto them, as I fear trusting them, and within living in this fear I am spiteful towards them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe others should be trust worthy when I haven't allowed myself yet to build trust within myself, and thus as I don't trust others I am reminded of not trusting myself and thus I am spiteful towards the for "putting me" in this position of seeing myself as lack of self trust
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the "fair game" where I believe I am being wronged/exploited and thus believe it to not be fair, within believing "this isn't fair" I blame the other being for participating/creating the unfair situation and thus I spite them for that, allowing myself to think nasty thought about how they are doing me wrong, and allow myself to speak nasty words and act in nasty behaviors within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when perceiving someone has done me wrong to allow myself to do wrong unto them within my thoughts/words/actions and thus not live up to my own expectations of another, and not live up to the value/principle of living as what is best for all, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be supportive of another as myself only if they are worthy of it within my interpretation, and if they are un fair I deem them unworthy and allow myself to spite them
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive situations as if I am Being miss treated, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take other people's behaviors personally within expecting them to treat me a=in a certain way that I have defined as good/nice, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here as breath no matter what and instead I have allowed myself to manipulate myself into emotional energetic reactions when I perceive someone is mistreating me, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn to spitefulness and deliberately allow myself to miss treat others in my thoughts/words and actions as I believe they are doing to me, not realizing that by participating within/as spitefulness I am creating and recreating the cycle of abuse, instead of allowing myself to through communication and in regards to the other being in the situation, support myself and the other to clear up the point and put it on the table, so to speak, instead of going at it in my mind, that in turn effect my actions/behavior as I allow myself to treat another how I wouldn't want to be treated myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use spitefulness as a tool to pay back all of those who I blame to have done me wrong, not realizing that by participating within spitefulness I am not standing in alignment within/as myself as I do onto another the very thing I do not want them to do onto me, this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use justifications for allowing myself to be spiteful as I realize that there is no excuse, and no justification that validates being spiteful/nasty/evil towards another, within this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see and consider that every time I am being spiteful towards another I am actually spiteful towards myself as I deliberately hurt/abuse myself within participating with the mind and thus separating me from myself, as well as creating the obvious consequences of regretting my participation within spitefulness within creating within me an experience of shame, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop spitefulness within the realization that nothing good can come out of it, all I am doing within spitefulness is feeding my addiction to energy through believing the justifications and validating and allowing myself to spite others to then spite myself within shame and regret and within allowing myself to exist in a misalignment within myself as I am allowing myself to do that which I judge as evil
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
The point of spitefulness opened up through writing about friendships, as I have exposed to myself the point of spitefulness within friendships. While writing I found myself going into resistance towards opening up the point, I wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted, thus i saw that this point needs direct attention and deeper investigation.
I realize this resistance is here to "protect" myself from the perspective of protecting the who I am as the characters of the mind, as the personalities I have created myself as, protecting myself form not admitting myself as spiteful and thus not having to change - this resistance is the mind's attempt to sabotage my self realization. Within realizing this, I know I must push through this point, I must face myself, I must let go the judgment/shame that I have manipulated myself into using as a shield protecting me from myself, and allow myself to humbly see me as who I have accepted myself to become within participating with and creating nastiness/spitefulness/evil, so that through seeing, allowing myself to forgive myself and correct myself within the principle of that which is best for all - which is defiantly NOT spitefulness.
I took a look at all my relationships to see where and why I have allowed myself to go into and participate with spitefulness . The reasons/justifications for spitefulness are many, each one of them is a character in itself, but here I will just address them in respect to spitefulness, and make note to myself to go into them further in blogs to come, so here goes:
Competition
Arrogance
Impatience
Jealousy
Revenge
Limitation
Blame
Annoyance
Superiority
Inferiority
Worthlessness
Judgment
Being corrected
Not trusting
Fare game
Being miss treated
Desire approval
Abuse for sense of power
Passing on the energy of inferiority/anger
Expectation
Disappointment
Believing I am not loved
Manipulation
Control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness as a deliberate action/thought intended to hurt/harm/abuse another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness/nastiness towards people I have created a competition towards, and within the competition I see myself as the loser and thus spite them as a form of regaining my power back through thinking nasty thoughts in my hidden mind, or actually speaking the words or acting out on the spitefulness, as a way to weaken the other in my mind or actually through their reaction to my words/deeds, and thus I use spitefulness to weaken/harm/abuse the other, to place myself in a better position within the mind created competition
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness from a starting point of arrogance, as I see myself as more than the other as I have defined them as stupid/slow, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a multi dimensional being in a one dimension definition within a deliberate act of spitefulness to limit them in my mind and to be able to place them in a box as to get rid of the complexity of the multi-dimetionality and to justify myself within the belief that they are in fact that which I defined them as, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others in such ways that I will feel empowered/stronger, and thus to live out this desire of power I think/speak/act within spitefulness towards them, as to prove to myself the position of power that I so very much desire, at the expense of them and in complete disregard of them as multi-dimetional and equal beings, not considering them at all and the abuse/harm I am causing in their lives and within their process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness within a starting point of impatience as I believe myself to be more than the other and thus within disregarding them as equal beings as life, and thus I allow myself to participate within impatience and express it through thoughts/words/deeds within spitefulness, to make sure the other being is aware of my experience of impatience as a way to make them feel small/valueless/worthless and thus on the other side I can feel strong/valuable/worthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of jealousy, as I find myself jealous of another being and experience myself as less than them, thus I turn to spitefulness as a way to hurt them as I hold them responsible and blame them for my experience of jealousy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the experience of jealousy is self created and not done to me by anyone but myself, and thus participating in spitefulness towards another is a form of abdicating self responsibility as I have not taken responsibility for the construct of jealousy that I have been participating with, but instead take it out on them within spitefulness, not realizing that it is I who have defined myself as less than them, while using them as an object to project my self abuse as my experience of inferiority/worthlessness, thus using them as a tool in my life to abuse them in order to experience momentarily the power that I have denied from myself through self diminishment and self judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of revenge, where I experience another being spiteful towards me, and I resent them for that, as I have reacted and have taken their spitefulness personally instead of allowing myself to see the construct they are participating within and stop myself from reacting through realizing that it isn't in fact personal but just a mind game within the intention to get me to react, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to spitefulness out of deliberate ignorance as to why the other is being spiteful, and within accepted ignorance I have allowed myself to spite them back and thus participate in spitefulness myself even though I have experienced it's harmful/abusive nature, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the "cry for help" within another's spitefulness as I now realize that any spitefulness is an expression of self worthlessness/inferiority/judgment, and thus any being that is spiteful is in fact not allowing themselves to express/face themselves in a supportive way, thus instead of supporting them as myself to see themselves to realize themselves as equals as life, I use it against them because I as well have not yet realized myself as life, and I spite them back as revenge to feel an experience of power/control, to cover up my own self diminishment/inferiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of experiencing others being spiteful towards me and to bring up these memories within myself and use them as leverage for revenge, justifying to myself that it's ok for me to be spiteful because they were spiteful in the past so I get to do it too, creating within this a value system of revenge, as if someone had done me wrong I can do it as well, instead of seeing the harm/abuse of spitefulness as I have experienced it for myself and allowing myself to be the one to stop the "back and forth" game of spitefulness, a game where we all are losers, as we are all diminishing ourselves and each other in order to play, thus not allowing ourselves to see ourselves as equal and to thus support ourselves as life, but instead to abuse/harm within spitefulness/nastiness based on a value system that approves and validates revenge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of limitation, where I have perceive myself to being limited by another, while not allowing myself to see that the experience of limitation is self inflicted, and thus I blame the other for creating the experience of limitation within myself, and allow myself to go into the character of self victimization, instead of standing up within/as myself and stopping the experience of limitation, within seeing reality for what it is within/as the physical, and taking into consideration only physical limitation as reality, while realizing that any experience of limitation is just that, an experience, thus created within/as the mind and is not tangible as the physical, thus not real as the physical, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the experience of limitation to be real, and thus to blame others for creating this experience within myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in spitefulness towards these beings while using blame as justification as to why I am allowed to spite them, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am in fact only spiting myself for not allowing myself to see that I am the one creating the experience of limitation within/as myself, and thus through allowing myself to participate in blame and spitefulness I distract myself from seeing that I am in fact the source for my experience and thus have the power to stop myself within and as breath, as a self directive decision, instead of continuing the cycle of self abuse as I allow myself to abuse others on the way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of blame, where I blame another for doing something wrong, I judge them for what they have done, I blame them for being the cause of my experiencing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that all spitefulness is sourced within fear/inferiority/worthlessness that I have accepted as myself and is designed to create the polarity of these inner experiences as I create them in other beings, and thus participate/create/enhance the cycle of evil through passing on the torch of fear/inferiority/worthlessness while not actually letting go of it, but only duplicating it in lives of others while still holding on to my own, because I haven't in fact dealt with the point of fear/inferiority/worthlessness, thus I am still limited/directed by it, and so within spitefulness I duplicate the negative energy within myself and within others, instead of standing up for life and stopping the cycle of abuse, not allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of participation with energy, as I allow it to consume myself as the physical, as it consumes myself in every moment within preoccupying myself through spiteful thoughts and fear of spitefulness, and thus not allows me to be here as breath, living a life that is worth living within/as the physical body, as the reality of me
corrective statements in the following blog, and then the next bunch of characters that the spiteful character latches onto.
stay tuned
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
continue from my previous blogs:
Day 59 - Redefining friendship
Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support
Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness
The idea/ideal of friendship, that I have accepted, has to do with a bond, like two people tied together, thus limiting each other, not allowing complete self expression as within any bond/tie
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowing myself to limit my friends through using emotional manipulation and ultimatums, as a way to get from them what I want or avoid what I don't want within our friendship, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take advantage of the bond we have created as our friendship and to hold them responsible for it within manipulating them not believing that if they did something that I do not accept they are in fact braking the bond between us, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use, within self interest, the fear we all share of losing our friends, and thus within self interest of getting what I want or having the situation the way I want it, to manipulate my friend into a point of fear of losing me and within that to blame them for being responsible for it if they did that which I don't want them to do
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within friendship within a fear of losing the friendship if I do/express something that isn't accepted within the friendship, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to live as self expression but instead to limit myself within an act I believe would be accepted and approved by my friends in order to maintain my friendship due to fear of being alone/rejected
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within the effort to maintain the friendship at any cost, I would not allow myself to express myself as who I really am, but instead I would try and act in certain ways, to say the right things, to be funny and entertaining, to seams caring and supportive etc.… within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a lie within myself where as on the one hand I believe my friendships to be real and authentic, and on the other hand I fear being authentic in every moment because I fear it might hurt the friendship through not passing the judging eye of my friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to explore myself within actual self expression within my friendship and within that to actually expect my friends to reject me if I were to express myself truly within self honest self expression in every moment, and within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear of being rejected, and the expectation of being rejected by my friends, is a projection of myself as not accepting myself and judging myself and not allowing myself to express myself within self honesty because I don't accept myself as worthy to be accepted as who I am, and within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my friends are limiting me within their judgment while all along I have been the one limiting myself, using the structure of my friendship to enslave myself within believing I am doing it for their acceptance of me while actually I have been doing it to suit my own idea of how I will be accepted, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am limiting myself because of the judgment of my friends, and I haven’t allowed myself to see that I am the one who I existing within/as judgment and projecting it on to them, and thus am the one responsible for the participation/existence of judgment within our friendship
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that my friends are judging me not realizing I am projecting onto them my own self judgment within not accepting myself as who I am due to past experiences/memories that I have allowed myself to accept as the definition of me as inferior to myself as life, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame them for my own accepted limitation that I have created myself as but blame them as a self manipulation to hide from myself my own self responsibility, and within blaming them due to not allowing myself to see my responsibility of my self-limitation within self honesty, to within spitefulness allow myself to limit them within the justification of "do on to them what they have done on to me" while I was the one doing it on to myself, and then on to them. Thus, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize what I have done within/as my friendships, as I have transformed the construct of friendship from the caring/supportive ideal I have created about it in my mind as an idea, to a nasty/spiteful/judgmental power game of who sais the final word within the rules and regulations of the friendship, doing whatever I can that the final word will be mine, and that it is me that calls the shots, so that I can feel powerful and in control, while not realizing that it is all an outflow of my own self rejection/diminishment, and thus the loop of polarity exposes it's head again, as I hide from myself my hidden weakness that I actually believe myself to be, and instead, disguise it as power, within having the power to do onto another that which I do onto myself within my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self diminishment and within that to require friends to validate me to myself and through their acceptance give myself a sense of self value, instead of allowing myself to value myself for who I am as life, within realizing that I am life in fact, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself as life, but instead to believe myself to be less than life, and less than the idea I have within my mind as who I should be or should have been, and within this self diminishment to try and hide it from myself through distracting myself with many friends, and surrounding myself with many friends, not realizing that they as well are requiring my validation to hide from themselves their lack of self acceptance, and they too require validation to find within themselves a sense of self value and worthiness, and thus instead of supporting myself as life as realizing this point, and instead of supporting them as life within realizing this point, we assist each other in hiding from ourselves through direction ourselves with our friendship and so-called acceptance while all along playing this game of acceptance to hide the truth of ourselves from ourselves
I commit myself to investigate further the point of self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, because I now see how much it is influencing/directing me within my life and interactions with others, within that I realize the abuse I have been allowing towards myself and others where the source of the abuse being my self diminishment/judgment/acceptance, thus, I commit myself to investigate this point until I am clear within myself, until I am standing within self acceptance, until I have stopped all self judgment, I commit myself to do this within a daily process, as I walk each point, step by step, opening it up, facing myself as what I have accepted and allowed as myself, and within this I commit myself to change, to stop myself from participating and accepting myself than anything less than who I am as life, I commit myself to myself as life
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself participating in limitation towards myself or others, through emotional manipulation or the belief of dependency, I realize that it doesn't make any sense to do anything if it isn't me as self expression as self as life doing it, within this I realize that I have never really lived because I have never allowed myself to express myself as who I am within self acceptance. I commit myself to find myself within all the hiding and self deception, and to stand within/as myself, and to rebirth myself as life, trough a process of writing myself as I have realized this is the tool to see/face myself, and within self forgiveness as I have realized that only through forgiving myself can I let go of who I have allowed myself to be and exist as and to change myself into a being that supports self as life and all life as equal and one, as what is best for all
I commit myself to stop myself from participating in friendships/relationships that support the mind as the characters we have defined and accepted ourselves as, I commit myself to stand in the face of conflict without fear through the support of breath, and not accepting anything less than who I am and who my friend is, as life.
I commit myself to allow myself to change, to let go the old/familiar persona I know as myself and to rediscover myself from a fresh starting point that isn't directed by fear/limitation/diminishment, but is directed by self within breath, as life.
I know this will take time, it took me years to create myself as who I am, and it will take me years to face all the points, and forgive myself for all the abusive shit I have participated in, but I realize I cannot go on like this, I cannot accumulate more point of guilt, shame and regret, I realize tat every breath that I participate within/as the mind is another breath that I am not here, thus disregarding the one thing that is truly valuable, myself, the physical, breath
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
I wrote a
blog for today on different computer and it froze, and my initial thought was
that it’s a legitimate reason to not have a blog done for today, “my computer
froze” is the modern excuse for “my dog ate my home work”.
But, if I have
made a commitment to myself to write and post a blog each day, then why am I looking
for excuses to get out of my commitment.
Once I allow
excuses to break my self-commitment it snowballs and sooner than later any
little thing becomes an excuse. So this time I saw myself going into the
pattern of looking for an excuse to excuse me from standing by/as the
commitment I gave myself, I saw myself going into back chat such as “what can I
do, I can’t be expected to write another blog, or to try to right it again…”
and I hear this voice in my head in a joking tonality like it would be absurd
to expect me to write again, not comprehending that I am writing for MYSELF and
not for anyone else, there is no external expectation I have to obey, it’s just
me and my commitment I made to/for myself, and within this I know that giving
myself excuse to get myself out of the commitment I made for myself is complete
self diminishment, and what would the outcome of that be? the outcome would be
another point to the “mind’s team” in the accumulation game, and one less point
for self within establishing myself as self trust self direction and self
support.
Not to say I
am in a war with my mind, but every action/decision I participate in is either
supporting myself as life or is supporting myself as the mind.
So, I’m glad
the computer froze, and I’m glad I had an opportunity to clear this point
within/as myself – I am writing this blog for me, I have made a commitment
for/as myself to support myself within walking myself out of the chains of the
mind and into life.
I realize
this blog is not only supporting because of the actual writing/self
forgiveness/self commitments, it is supportive through it being a commitment of
self dedication, through the writing of the blog, every day I commit to myself,
I dedicate myself to myself as life.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for excuses to get out of
commitments/responsibilities instead of standing within self dignity/honor and walking
my responsibility within/as breath, within respecting and honoring myself as
life
I forgive
myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write the blog from a starting
point of self support and have only written from a starting point of external
commitment, not realizing that I am walking this process as/for myself within
the principle of oneness and equality, thus anything within/as process that I do
not do for/as myself, that I do for someone else’s expectations of me, is self
deception, and will only last for that long, I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to realize this is a process of SELF, and thus all
points/motivations move from/as self or will not last, and within self motivation
as self movement as self direction I realize I must will myself within every
breath to make the decision, to chose myself as life, time after time, blog
after blog, breath after breath, time and time again, until… well, I don’t know
until when, until it is done.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for excuses to not write
myself blog without allowing myself to realize the self compromise within
making a decision and not standing my it, within this I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately throughout my
process through braking my own word time and time again, creating myself as not
trust worthy in my own eyes, to make it easier for myself to slack off and not
take responsibility because I am still moved/motivated by the force of self interest,
within this I realize that only through pushing/willing myself to honor myself
as life, to honor my decisions, to live within a principle of what is best for
all, will I be able to free myself from the chains of self interest and be able
to trust myself, to respect myself and to actually enjoy myself, and not have
to hide within shame of who I am as what I have allowed myself to be and exist
as, through my participation within/as the mind as self interest.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself as I give myself
excuses and justifications to slack off and not stand by the decision I have
made, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
manipulate myself into believing my own deception, not allowing myself to see
the self sabotage within it, I forgive myself within this, that I have accepted
and allowed myself to always look for the easy way out even after I have proven
to myself time and time again, that the easy way out is in the long run the
long way, and that the easy way out will never give me the outcome I am
actually, really looking for, and that outcome is to be able to trust myself,
to appreciate myself, to know myself for what I really am, to face my true
nature as I have created myself, and to know I am directing myself to change
into being the being I actually want to be, and not simply to accept myself as
the being I have created myself as just because that’s the easy way out, but to
take the hard way of self investigation, because I realize I’d rather see/live
the ugly truth than to accept myself to live/exist as a lie, because I realize
that living as a lie is not living
I commit
myself to writing/posting a daily blog within the journey to life, because I realize
the support it gives me to make a directive decision and stand by it, no excuses
no justifications.
I commit
myself to remind myself that I am in fact writing this daily blog for myself,
as self support, and to remind myself the value of standing by my word/decision
I have given myself, within realizing that if I break my word to myself how can
I ever trust myself, and within that I realize that I have broken my word to
myself many time in the past, and for each time I will have to accumulate myself
as self trust, until I am actually trust worthy in my own eyes.
I commit
myself to writing every day practical commitments that I can stand by, because I
realize the self sabotage/deception within making big commitments “in the air”
that I cannot apply, within creating another point of not standing by my
commitment, thus I commit myself to be practical, so that I can actually stand
by it and be able to see/assess that I am in fact standing
I commit
myself to when seeing myself within giving myself excuses/justification to get
out of a self responsibility I stop and breathe and remind myself the simply
math of accumulation within realizing that each time I fall is remembered as accumulation
within the grand equation of my life, and thus through my participation with
justification/excuses I am making the path harder for me in the long run,
within this I commit myself to push myself from falling in the tempting trap of
justification
I commit
myself to breathe, I commit myself to slow down, I commit myself to
build/establish self –honesty within/as myself through the constant application
of the tools as writing/self forgiveness/self corrective statements
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing people in my life, not realizing that by trying to hold onto them I am losing myself within not allowing myself to actually be/live/change as myself
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to restrict and limit myself as self-expression within the consideration of what others around me will think, and thus compromise myself as life within the justification/belief that I will live a better life by having these people around me, not realizing that I have given up on living and myself as life within the attempt of pleasing them within the starting point of fear of them leaving me
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project my self-judgment onto others within the belief that I am acting in a specific way to please "them" not realizing that I have been using "them" to hide the judgment I hold towards myself, and thus manipulating myself to act in a specific way that I find acceptable through the belief that I am doing it to please "them" as if it is an external expectation forced upon me, not realizing that I am in fact creating it and participating within/as it
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of losing people due to not acting or being as they expect me to be, instead of realizing that these expectation have been put on by myself within my acceptance of these expectations, and thus I have created the expectation and have been forcing myself to live according to it, not once considering letting go the expectation and allowing myself to live within/as breath as life here in the moment
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing people and thus fear "rocking the boat" because I fear that if I change, those around me will not approve/like the change and will leave me, yet I haven't considered that living involves changing and if I limit myself due to fear of change because I don't trust others to accept me within my change I must take a look on what am I projecting upon them – and face the question why do I fear not accepting myself within changing? I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally, and thus fear losing my own self-acceptance once I change within fear of making a mistake as turning in the wrong direction
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself within changing, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am here in every moment of every breath, and as long as I am self-directing myself within/as changing I am responsible and able to trust myself within self-honesty
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself and within that fear I will make a mistake and will not realize it in time to fix it, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself here as life, within every breath I am here, within making a mistake I am here, and thus within the realization that I am here nothing can change/move me
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear change within the idea that I as self as life can change, not realizing that anything that changes is the mind made persona as personality/habbits/opinions/perspectives and thus the fear of changing is the fear of the mind changing into what is best for all. I realize any fear of change is a mind made fear and not real as life as breath.
I commit myself to when finding myself participate in fear of change I stop and breathe, I return to self here as breath and act within the principle of what is best for all. I realize that I must push through the fear as it comes up in the physical reality.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear pushing through changes and actually acting different than what I am use to, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be directed and motivated by this fear instead of being stable and committed to act within the principle of what is best for all and not allowing myself to be influenced by the mind made fear of change, within fearing the unknown as a new behavior
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being able to accept me within my changes while not facing the point as self, within looking at what am I not accepting within/as myself that I am hiding from myself through projecting fear of un-acceptance from others
I commit myself to turning any blame I am holding towards others back to self within allowing myself to see the points I am rejecting myself upon within specificity
I commit myself to when the fear of losing people come up to stop and breathe, to realize it is not about them not accepting me but only about self-acceptance
I commit myself to pushing through the fear of the unknown, as I push myself to change within the principle of what is best for all, taking on one point at a time, allowing myself to expand into the unknown within the realization that I am here within and as breath
I commit myself to breathe, and walk day by day, breath by breath
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
What am I going
to forgive? Which point should I take on now?
I find myself
looking for the “right” point to write about instead of simply writing about
it. I find myself in my mind going on and on about all the different patterns I
have participated with that have not been supportive and that I would like to
forgive and correct within myself, but I can’t make up my mind, which one should
I tackle NOW within self forgiveness – what happens is that I become overwhelmed
by the choices and postpone making a decision till later or later or later… I realize
now that this construct has been another method to put off supporting myself by
writing as self forgiveness.
I have experienced
in the past day or two a constant internal conversation about what I should
write my next self forgiveness blog about. While many different points rush
through my mind, I end up feeling overwhelmed and indecisive. All points are
valid and would be supportive to take on, but I have allowed myself to hide
behind “not knowing” what to write about – this is a construct based on
separation within the belief/perception that someone else is watching me and
will judge me for picking the “right” point to forgive or not. I have not
realized that within self forgiveness there isn’t any right or wrong, and there
isn’t an external eye watching over me waiting to see if I “do the right thing”
– it is all about self.
I forgive myself
for accepting and allowing myself to postpone writing self forgiveness because I
couldn’t make up my mind as to what I should write about, instead of simply
writing about any one of the many points that came up during the day within. I forgive
myself for not realizing that postponing is a mind manipulation to keep me from
supporting myself as self forgiveness while the only practical thing to do is
to actually write, here in the physical. When I see myself postponing writing
due to not making my mind as to what I should write about I stop and breathe,
and push myself to start writing within understanding that this is a point of
transformation – will I allow the patter of the mind of walking away from my
own self created confusion and allow it to direct me, or will I face it within
self forgiveness
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe the thoughts in my mind
telling me I don’t know to chose which one of the points that came up I should
write about, instead of simply starting to write and allowing myself to express
myself at the moment, within and as self trust.
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to put my thoughts/mind before self,
and to within that compromise/abuse myself and not allow myself to support
myself within establishing self direction and clarity through a constant application
of self forgiveness. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fall
again and again in the manipulations of the mind and time after time to direct
myself by listening to the voices in my head instead of standing as self here
as/within breath, within the clarity of what is best for all within equality
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be directed by voices in my
head as back chat, and witin that I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and
allowed myself to lose control of myself through letting my mind direct me , my
actions and reactions.
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed the thoughts/voices in my mind direct me
within believing them to be me and thus be in my “best interest”, I forgive
myself for not allowing myself to see that these voices are not actually
supporting me as life as one and equal, but in fact supporting my
patterns/addictions and self abuse.
I stop now. When
I see myself going into the conversation in my head, debating about what I should
do and justifying myself to myself – I stop and breathe, I realize that any
inner conversation is indication of myself manipulation and thus I stop and
find a practical way to direct myself with.
I forgive
myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to know what is
a priority point for me to work on now, I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to use not knowing what to write about as an excuse keeping me
from writing and thus keeping me from establishing greater self trust through application,
and thus compounding the loop.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that
someone is watching over me, like a god, and is judging me as I move along in
my life – I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to place
myself as less than this god figure I have created in my mind, instead of
seeing within self honesty that this god figure is representing a projection of
self within separation.
When I if I see
myself projecting myself onto a god figure as an external judgmental eye
watching over me, I stop and breathe, I realize that any judgment I fear is
pointing at a point that is unclear within self and requires investigation and
forgiveness, thus I take the opportunity as a gift and clear myself form the
fear of judgment as to allow myself to walk/express freely without being
directed by the fear of others
I forgive
myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use as an excuse to not apply
self forgiveness the idea that I don’t know what to write about, instead of
realizing that this experience of “not knowing what to write about” is a mind
manipulation.
When I find
myself participating within “not knowing” I stop and breathe, I look at what is
practical to do at the moment within the principle of equality and oneness as
what is best for all, and thus allow myself to support myself here through/as
self direction while stopping the control of the programmed mind
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
