Wednesday, October 24, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
The point of spitefulness opened up through writing about friendships, as I have exposed to myself the point of spitefulness within friendships. While writing I found myself going into resistance towards opening up the point, I wrote and deleted and wrote and deleted, thus i saw that this point needs direct attention and deeper investigation.
I realize this resistance is here to "protect" myself from the perspective of protecting the who I am as the characters of the mind, as the personalities I have created myself as, protecting myself form not admitting myself as spiteful and thus not having to change - this resistance is the mind's attempt to sabotage my self realization. Within realizing this, I know I must push through this point, I must face myself, I must let go the judgment/shame that I have manipulated myself into using as a shield protecting me from myself, and allow myself to humbly see me as who I have accepted myself to become within participating with and creating nastiness/spitefulness/evil, so that through seeing, allowing myself to forgive myself and correct myself within the principle of that which is best for all - which is defiantly NOT spitefulness.
I took a look at all my relationships to see where and why I have allowed myself to go into and participate with spitefulness . The reasons/justifications for spitefulness are many, each one of them is a character in itself, but here I will just address them in respect to spitefulness, and make note to myself to go into them further in blogs to come, so here goes:
Competition
Arrogance
Impatience
Jealousy
Revenge
Limitation
Blame
Annoyance
Superiority
Inferiority
Worthlessness
Judgment
Being corrected
Not trusting
Fare game
Being miss treated
Desire approval
Abuse for sense of power
Passing on the energy of inferiority/anger
Expectation
Disappointment
Believing I am not loved
Manipulation
Control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness as a deliberate action/thought intended to hurt/harm/abuse another
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness/nastiness towards people I have created a competition towards, and within the competition I see myself as the loser and thus spite them as a form of regaining my power back through thinking nasty thoughts in my hidden mind, or actually speaking the words or acting out on the spitefulness, as a way to weaken the other in my mind or actually through their reaction to my words/deeds, and thus I use spitefulness to weaken/harm/abuse the other, to place myself in a better position within the mind created competition
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness from a starting point of arrogance, as I see myself as more than the other as I have defined them as stupid/slow, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a multi dimensional being in a one dimension definition within a deliberate act of spitefulness to limit them in my mind and to be able to place them in a box as to get rid of the complexity of the multi-dimetionality and to justify myself within the belief that they are in fact that which I defined them as, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define others in such ways that I will feel empowered/stronger, and thus to live out this desire of power I think/speak/act within spitefulness towards them, as to prove to myself the position of power that I so very much desire, at the expense of them and in complete disregard of them as multi-dimetional and equal beings, not considering them at all and the abuse/harm I am causing in their lives and within their process
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness within a starting point of impatience as I believe myself to be more than the other and thus within disregarding them as equal beings as life, and thus I allow myself to participate within impatience and express it through thoughts/words/deeds within spitefulness, to make sure the other being is aware of my experience of impatience as a way to make them feel small/valueless/worthless and thus on the other side I can feel strong/valuable/worthy
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of jealousy, as I find myself jealous of another being and experience myself as less than them, thus I turn to spitefulness as a way to hurt them as I hold them responsible and blame them for my experience of jealousy, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the experience of jealousy is self created and not done to me by anyone but myself, and thus participating in spitefulness towards another is a form of abdicating self responsibility as I have not taken responsibility for the construct of jealousy that I have been participating with, but instead take it out on them within spitefulness, not realizing that it is I who have defined myself as less than them, while using them as an object to project my self abuse as my experience of inferiority/worthlessness, thus using them as a tool in my life to abuse them in order to experience momentarily the power that I have denied from myself through self diminishment and self judgment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of revenge, where I experience another being spiteful towards me, and I resent them for that, as I have reacted and have taken their spitefulness personally instead of allowing myself to see the construct they are participating within and stop myself from reacting through realizing that it isn't in fact personal but just a mind game within the intention to get me to react, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to spitefulness out of deliberate ignorance as to why the other is being spiteful, and within accepted ignorance I have allowed myself to spite them back and thus participate in spitefulness myself even though I have experienced it's harmful/abusive nature, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore the "cry for help" within another's spitefulness as I now realize that any spitefulness is an expression of self worthlessness/inferiority/judgment, and thus any being that is spiteful is in fact not allowing themselves to express/face themselves in a supportive way, thus instead of supporting them as myself to see themselves to realize themselves as equals as life, I use it against them because I as well have not yet realized myself as life, and I spite them back as revenge to feel an experience of power/control, to cover up my own self diminishment/inferiority
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto memories of experiencing others being spiteful towards me and to bring up these memories within myself and use them as leverage for revenge, justifying to myself that it's ok for me to be spiteful because they were spiteful in the past so I get to do it too, creating within this a value system of revenge, as if someone had done me wrong I can do it as well, instead of seeing the harm/abuse of spitefulness as I have experienced it for myself and allowing myself to be the one to stop the "back and forth" game of spitefulness, a game where we all are losers, as we are all diminishing ourselves and each other in order to play, thus not allowing ourselves to see ourselves as equal and to thus support ourselves as life, but instead to abuse/harm within spitefulness/nastiness based on a value system that approves and validates revenge
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of limitation, where I have perceive myself to being limited by another, while not allowing myself to see that the experience of limitation is self inflicted, and thus I blame the other for creating the experience of limitation within myself, and allow myself to go into the character of self victimization, instead of standing up within/as myself and stopping the experience of limitation, within seeing reality for what it is within/as the physical, and taking into consideration only physical limitation as reality, while realizing that any experience of limitation is just that, an experience, thus created within/as the mind and is not tangible as the physical, thus not real as the physical, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the experience of limitation to be real, and thus to blame others for creating this experience within myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in spitefulness towards these beings while using blame as justification as to why I am allowed to spite them, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am in fact only spiting myself for not allowing myself to see that I am the one creating the experience of limitation within/as myself, and thus through allowing myself to participate in blame and spitefulness I distract myself from seeing that I am in fact the source for my experience and thus have the power to stop myself within and as breath, as a self directive decision, instead of continuing the cycle of self abuse as I allow myself to abuse others on the way
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/speak/act within spitefulness within the starting point of blame, where I blame another for doing something wrong, I judge them for what they have done, I blame them for being the cause of my experiencing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that all spitefulness is sourced within fear/inferiority/worthlessness that I have accepted as myself and is designed to create the polarity of these inner experiences as I create them in other beings, and thus participate/create/enhance the cycle of evil through passing on the torch of fear/inferiority/worthlessness while not actually letting go of it, but only duplicating it in lives of others while still holding on to my own, because I haven't in fact dealt with the point of fear/inferiority/worthlessness, thus I am still limited/directed by it, and so within spitefulness I duplicate the negative energy within myself and within others, instead of standing up for life and stopping the cycle of abuse, not allowing myself to see, realize and understand the vast consequences of participation with energy, as I allow it to consume myself as the physical, as it consumes myself in every moment within preoccupying myself through spiteful thoughts and fear of spitefulness, and thus not allows me to be here as breath, living a life that is worth living within/as the physical body, as the reality of me
corrective statements in the following blog, and then the next bunch of characters that the spiteful character latches onto.
stay tuned
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment