Day 50 – Playing the game of Superiority/Inferiority

 

This blog is a follow up from yesterday's blog: Day 49 – Stable or Superior?

I will address this point from both side of the polarity as I have realized that "it takes two to tango" but in fact I have been dancing with myself in my mind as participating/creating myself as both characters within this dance, so to speak.

I have realized that any reactions exist in me and comes solely from my mind, thus – the other is never actually doing anything to me in fact, but only mirroring myself back to self, as it is all a projection of what I am allowing to take place in my mind. Within this I realize that when I react to another, whether by being the superior/authority/in control character or being the inferior/submissive/suppressed character, either way any reaction within me towards another is a point I must investigate within my SELF as it doesn't really have to do with the other personally, because it is all created within/as self

So, here I am starting the process of taking responsibility for both sides of the coin as I realized it doesn't matter in which side I participate, I have created both in my mind, and am participating as both internally and externally.

Self forgiveness as the superior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create stability as an idea in my mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself as stable to cover up within suppression that I am actually reacting within myself through participating within superiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to crave stability to such an extent that I will lie to myself as being stable, within hope that "if I fake it I'll make it", not realizing that by doing so I am ignoring and suppressing the point within me that still fear being inferior and unstable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself as stable while I am participating within superiority, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my stable stance and thus project onto the other that they are reacting when in fact I am reacting within acting/walking within fear of losing myself as stable, not realizing that stability within fear is stability of the mind and as such is a mind manipulation keeping me from seeing the actual point of fear, as fear of survival of the personality I have created myself as

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to confuse stability with power/control, and within that to direct onto others an expression of power/control within believing that I am expressing and experiencing stability, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the idea I have of stability to hide from myself the desire/addiction I have created within myself towards power/control and within that to allow myself to continue existing within such constructs instead of allowing myself to let go the idea of stability and to allow myself to simply be within and as breath, and communicate from a starting point of breath and self support and not of fear of losing myself as stability or the desire to be right as a point of self justification

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate myself within the starting point I exist as, and instead to allow myself to continue as I am even though my environment is indicating to me that I am communicating within/as power/control, thus I commit myself to when the environment is showing me myself back to myself, I stop myself within breath and check to see if what they are saying is valid from perspective of taking it as a gift to investigate and see myself further/deeper, and not automatically reject what is being said within fear of losing the stability I have created myself as

I commit myself to when being corrected/criticized by others to not take it personally, but instead to investigate the point within practicality - are they showing me a point I am allowing myself to exist as and yet to have seen myself within it? Or are they projecting onto me their fears/patterns/beliefs and if so I will not be influenced by it? Thus I commit myself to be the directive principle within/as myself and to allow myself to look at all that is presented to me as what is here within equality, that is, I commit myself to investigate unconditionally all points WITHIN MYSELF that I react to when/as another is in reaction within themselves as I see it is a manipulation to keep me from actual self investigation within self honesty, thus I commit myself again, to investigate every point that comes my way, to allow myself to bring the point here as myself within/as breath and to actually place it within/as myself and have a look at what is going on inside of me in regards to any energetic movement, I commit myself to do this until I am certain that I am clear within/as every point, and if/when I see myself react/participate in any point as pattern of the mind, I stop myself within/as breath, and push myself to let go that pattern within investigating it's cause/origin/play out... until I am clear of all patterns and can trust myself as life, as living here in the moment, as the moment of breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to communicate in a harsh/tough way to others within believing myself to be stable and proving to myself my stability through the way I communicate as harsh/tough/direct, while not allowing myself to see that my communication is not supporting the other as equal, and thus within not communicating within consideration of supporting the other, I am actually proving to myself that I am not in fact stable but am participating with superiority

I commit myself to use communication as an indication to check myself within, if my communication is creating and energetic experience, positive or negative within myself or the other, I stop myself within/as breath and check my starting point within self honesty, am I being direct or am I being controlling? Am I being stable or am I being superior?

I commit myself to build myself as self honesty, to develop myself as self honesty as I realize self honesty is the only tool I can trust, it first needs to be build as self trust… thus I commit myself to myself within building/birthing myself as self honesty, so I can see/face myself and actually change as what is best for all

I commit myself to push myself within my communication, and to make it a point to myself to communicate within awareness and support, within this I commit myself to teach myself the art of effective communication through trial and error, thus I commit myself to investigate myself within communication within actually applying myself in the physical to find out who I am within communication, and to build myself up as a being that uses communication as support for all as one as equal

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself within superiority within communication with another instead of allowing myself to take the opportunity to support the other as equals, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be addicted to the feeling of being "more than", and within that create and hold on to that feeling through speaking in a superior/harsh way to the other instead of practicing humbleness within stability and thus supporting both me and the other within our process

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to abuse others within participating as superior while manipulating myself and the other to believe that I am stable and thus an authority, and within being an authority, point my finger at the other, as if only the other has to clear themselves from the reaction of inferiority, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "pray on the weak" as in finding the one in the group that will "fall for my act" and apply it on them, within creating a situation where I can deliberately act out my superiority as stability, and not get caught as I have found the weakest link and they are bound to believe me because they see themselves as inferior already, and thus I support their mind fuck as they support mine instead of supporting each other to step out of this mind game once and for all and actually stand as equals to/as life

Self forgiveness as the inferior

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to people when I perceive them going into authority/bossiness and thus not allow myself to be self directive but to be dependent on my perception of other people's expression instead of being stable within/as myself in every moment, independently of what is going on around me, simply being here, within/as breath, stable

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when the being at hand is not perceived as an authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to actually make a decision within myself as to whom can talk to me in a certain way while others can't, with some I will react within anger and with others not, within this I have not allowed myself to investigate what exactly it is that I am allowing myself to react to, and within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame/judge others for their expression instead of finding out within myself what exactly is the trigger point of my reaction, based on how I have judged the person to be more/less than me, as a base of my acceptance of how they talk

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to perceive some people as authoritative and thus when communicating with such people to react within inferiority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect authority with superiority and haven't considered that authority can simply be related to being well educated/experienced/informed about a specific topic and does not actually define one as superior, as I realize superiority is only existent within one's mind as a construct and not in fact existent within the physical reality, instead of realizing that I have created this construct of inferiority/superiority in my mind while in reality I am simply in communication with another being

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some people as authoritative while other not, depending on some specific characteristics that I have connected with authority, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within/as inferior when communicating with people I have defined as authoritative instead of realizing that I have created the point of inferiority within my mind, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent/blame the other for "creating this experience within myself" while not allowing myself to take responsibility within realizing that only I can create any experience within me and thus no one is to blame and only I am responsible for allowing myself to participate within/as inferiority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to play the game of inferiority/superiority in my mind and to then project it on to my environment depending on who has the specific characteristics that are aligned with the definition I have created the character as, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide this from myself and instead to exist within blame towards the other as the creator of the situation, within doing so enhancing/participating with the construct/game of superiority/inferiority as believing they are more creators/responsible for the situation than me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react differently depending on who I am communicating with, where I define some people as deserving to express themselves as authority/superior and others not, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react in anger when people that I have defined as not deserving to be an authority express themselves in ways that I perceive as superior while not react when those that I perceive as deserving, because I accept them as such, to express themselves as superior instead of allowing myself to be here within breath and consider all as equal beings communicating, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define/judge others as deserving to be an authority or not based on my ideas/beliefs I have accepted, and I didn't take into consideration that within this I am declaring myself the authority as deciding who can express in which way, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself to perceive myself to be an authority to other's as a point of superiority within myself, while blaming/judging them for being superior, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself from my own participation within superiority as judging other's expressions as the authority that calls the shots through blaming/judging them for participating in superiority - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize within the situation that self is always pointing back to self, and thus all projections I have onto others I must first allow myself to investigate within/as myself within self honesty.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others as they express themselves within stability because I am jealousy of their stability within a belief that I am not capable of such stability. Within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to brake down their stability as the only option I know to stop the competition within myself as I am sure to lose due to self belief of being instable, and thus I brake the other's stability within believing them to be acting within superiority so that I can reassure myself that I am not the only one still reacting within my mind, thus instead of supporting myself and walking my process within the self direction to actually see myself in fact, I have made it about the other person, within competition/comparison, within defining myself according to what the other is experiencing within themselves, not realizing that it is a self manipulation to distract myself form myself

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath each time I see myself going in my mind as evaluating if the one infornt of me is reacting or stable, within that not focusing on myself but on them, and allowing myself to be in my mind as backchat as judgment -

I commit myself to stop myself within as the backchat as judgment through writing them out one by one until I have seen the entire construct of my thoughts, and thus be able to stop them within/as breath, until slowly but surly I will not be directed/influenced by my thoughts as back chat and can be here within/as breath and actually experience/express myself as life