Tuesday, October 30, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog
Day 69 - Friendship - Part 11 – Spitefulness – Part 1
Day 70 - Spitefulness - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness
Day 71 - Spitefulness - Part 3 - Self Commitments
Day 72 – Spitefulness – Part 4 – More Characters – Self Forgiveness
Day 73 - Spitefulness - Part 5 – Self Commitments
Day 74 - Spitefulness - Part 6 - Self Forgiveness
Day 75 - Spitefulness - Part 7 - Self Commitments
Spite - Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate.
Desire approval - Abuse for sense of power - Passing on the energy of inferiority/anger - Expectation - Believing I am not loved - Manipulation – Control
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be approved by some people, within this desire I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect them to respond/speak to me in an approving manner, thus, when they express themselves in a way that I perceive to be as "negative" I react within taking it personally as I have accepted my self definition to be based on how I believe they see me, and thus when I believe they see me "badly" it hurts my self definition, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself in regards to how others see me and thus allow myself to be directed/controlled/limited by the perception/idea/belief of how others see me , within this I see that as a result of them not giving me the positive feedback I believe I require, I turn to spitefulness/resentment, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the direct evil/spiteful outflow of my acceptance of myself according to how others see me, as I have placed my self definition and thus self acceptance in the hands of others and as they interact with me and how I perceive this interaction, thus not allowing myself to be self directed but rather allowing myself to be in the hands of others, not considering their entire beingness and experience of themselves in every moment, but only considering myself, and within only considering myself, when they speak/respond to me in a way that doesn't express their approval I turn spiteful
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to pick on those that I define as weaker than me, allowing myself to bully/spite/abuse them as a form or regaining a sense of power within the starting point of believing I need to regain my power due to actually seeing myself as weak/inferior/worthless, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as inferiority, which is an entire character within itself that serve my self interest of surviving as I have created myself as inferior, not allowing myself to see that the outflow of my accepted and allowed inferiority to exist within me results as the consequence of allowing myself to become spiteful towards others, and thus to create/manifest inferiority in another while attempting to regain my power, still within the polarity of superiority/inferiority, instead of stepping out of the polarity which is based in the mind as an illusion in fact and not on actual reality as the physical, and allow myself to exist as the hereness of myself, as breath, as the physical, while supporting myself and others as myself to become the living expression of/as ourselves, to live within self honesty, in equality, as what is best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nasty towards others within spitefulness when I am aware they have done nothing wrong so to speak, but I am consumed with an emotional energetic reaction such as inferiority or anger for example, that within my experience I must pass it on to someone else to diffuse it, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass on the energy I am experiencing to an innocent by-stander, just to feel the relief of not having to carry/experience this energy I have just passed on within self interest and complete disregard of the other human being, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by doing so, as passing on the negative experience, as to share the load with someone else, I am not actually getting rid of the problem but duplicating it, as it now exist in myself due to not actually walking through the point and allowing myself to face the reaction I have allowed myself to participate within, and now I have given it to another person, that will react/respond to what I have done/said to them, and create the energy within them, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take self responsibility on my creation as energetic reaction and instead of dealing within it through/as breath within/as myself I pass it on like a hot potato, not realizing the self interest self deception of giving myself a momentarily relief to only a few moments later, once the energetic possession has passed to go into guilt for allowing myself to act within spitefulness within self interest with no justification to validate me as I know within myself that what I have done is complete disregarding the other person within their life process, as well as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as spitefulness when someone doesn't hold up to the expectation I have on them, as I feel like I deserve to get something specific from them as positive feedback, agreement or participation for instance, and if I don't get what I want/expect from them, I react within spitefulness, within this, on the other side of the coin, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react within spitefulness when I feel someone is expecting something of me, as I experience it as a form of limitation and as a disregard of the totality of me, and thus when one expect me to do something and expresses their expectation/disappointment I go into spitefulness and hold it against them, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been participating in both sides of the coin, both expecting from others, and reacting to them expecting from me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the construct of expectation as I have realized that it is based on limitation and the disregard of the totality of a being, and is based solely on self interest
Within the construct of expectation, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into spitefulness when I expect someone to love me, and express their love in a specific way that I would experience that love, and thus, when I don't experience that love which I expect to experience from another I allow myself to go into spitefulness and resent the being for not giving me the positive/validation/acceptance experience of love, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself as I define myself according to how I perceive people think/feel about me, thus not allowing myself to be here in every moment as the self directive principle of/as myself, but instead to rely on others to approve/validate/accept/love me, within this I see that I expect to get all of this from others instead of allowing myself to give it to myself within building myself as self, and accepting myself as self, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate from myself to such an extent that in order to love/accept/appreciate/validate/approve myself, I believe I require an external acceptance/love/approval
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use spitefulness within manipulation as I know everyone is directed by emotions and feelings and thus I play on it and manipulate them into experiencing themselves in a specific/bad way through my participation in/as spitefulness and thus I play god as I use through manipulation my spitefulness to direct them to do that which I want, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within the other side of the coin once again where I allow myself to become spiteful towards other beings when/as I see they are using manipulation to get what they want, as I have defined it as unacceptable within the value system, not allowing myself to see that I am in fact "guilty" of the same crime, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself when I act/behave in manipulative way but when others do it I use it against them and justify my spitefulness towards them, thus allowing myself to exist as two faced, not aligned with the principles/values I believe I stand by, thus creating a tare within me, as a form of separation where I always see myself as right and others as wrong, and thus within this basic belief/point of view, of always being right, I justify myself and blame them for basically doing the same thing
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in spitefulness when I experience myself as not being in control of a situation, where I believe someone else is directing the situation and I am simply going with the flow of things, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent the other being for being in control as I experience myself not being in control of the situation and thus I resent them within spitefulness for "taking away my power" instead of realizing that it is my responsibility to take control of the situation through/within/as taking control over myself, as being the directive principle of/as myself within my experience of/as myself, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the idea/belief/experience that someone else is too much in control and that they are to blame/responsible for my experience of being out of control, thus abdicating my self responsibility and not allowing myself to see that only I am responsible for not being in control within/as a situation and within this realization I recognize that I am responsible to see the point that I have given away my power in regards to, and claim it back through walking it within stopping the beliefs that I don't have power through supporting myself with writing the points out and applying self forgiveness and corrective statements as to pave the path before me to self change, as to be able to claim back my power that I have given away
For Further Support, Please check out Links:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment