Day 67 - Friendship - Part 9 - The Debt System - Self Forgiveness

continue from my previous blogs:

Day 59 - Redefining friendship

Day 60 - friendship - Part 2 - Care and Support

Day 61 - Friendship - Part 3 - Care and Support - Self Forgiveness

Day 62 - Friendship - Part 4 – Limitation

Day 63 - Friendship - Part 5 – Quality Time

Day 64 - Friendship - Part 6 - Quality time - Self Forgiveness

Day 65 - Friendship - Part 7 – Consumerism

Day 66 - Friendship - Part 8 - The Debt System

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to help/support my friends from a starting point of expecting to get a pay back in the future, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here in every moment and direct myself to do everything I do within/as breath, unconditionally, instead of imposing the past and the future on the moment that is here

I commit myself to practice being here as breath when I do thing for people or in general, as to not do it from a starting point of paying off a debt from the past, or an expectation to be paid back in the future

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be nice to my friends within participating in being a good friends character, and within that not doing things unconditionally within a starting point of actually supporting them as myself in the moment, but from a starting point of a debt system, doing it for them now so that I can get something form them later, in addition to the good feeling I get for believing I am such a good friend for compromising/helping and not even making a big deal over it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the emotional energy that comes along with the expectation/disappointment within the debt construct within friendships, as blame/shame/spitefulness etc.. ,I forgive myself not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by participating within the debt construct I am fueling the mind as I am adding unnecessary conflict to my life

I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath if/when I see myself going into the debt construct, to support myself with bringing myself back here, to stop the backchat, to breathe, I commit myself to investigate each specific point that opens up within the debt construct within writing out the point and walking it through self forgiveness until the point is clear, and I commit myself to within each point, draw the path before me through corrective statement as to insure I do not fall in the same point again

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceit myself and my friends as myself within presenting myself as a caring/supportive friends while all along keeping score as to see who owes what/how much to whom, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to actually care for/support my friends unconditionally because I have always been keeping score, making sure I am not the one in debt, and if I would find myself in debt I would act to pay it back within a starting point of clearing my debt and at the same time to deliberately create situations that I place others in debt towards me in my mind, through holding on to the point of debt in memory and thus living the past/future instead of being here in every moment as breath

I commit myself to stopping myself from participating within/as the debt system of the friendship construct, through the support of breath if/when I see myself keeping score, thus I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself do something from a starting point of expecting there to be a pay back, and within this I commit myself to stopping myself within/as breath when I see myself doing something within a starting point of paying my debt, I realize that by participating within/as the debt system I am diminishing myself and the beings around me, through not allowing us to communicate here but always bringing up and living in the past as memory, and in the future as expectation.

I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to use the friendship construct as a format of competition through keeping score and thus to do what I can to be the winner which means to make the other as the loser, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the abusive nature of the debt system, making one dependent on and in debt to another, thus participating with and creating power/control/superiority instead of doing what is best for all within stopping such abuse from existing within myself and thus within the world as a whole, and to actually support myself and those around me through not living in the past as memory or in the future as expectation, as I realize past/future exist only in the mind, and thus are not real as the physical, as breath, here

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the debt system within friendships is based on lack of effective communication where one expresses to the other why they will or will not do something, and within this point I see that if they are expecting something in return it should be agreed on within clear communication and acceptance of both sides, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to practice and participate within effective communication because I have allowed myself to live in fear of being exposed as who I am within my hidden mind, and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within self shame as a starting point of who I am within believing that the who I am within the back chat of the hidden mind is too shameful to share, and thus I have allowed myself to instead of correcting myself when/if necessary, to deceive myself and those around me and as consequence have created more conflict within myself and without as the communication with the other, through participating/accepting the debt system without questioning it to see if it's valid as a construct to exist within relationships

I commit myself , when I am asked to do something, to take a breath and actually give myself a moment to see/decide if I am willing to do this or not, within this I commit myself to base my decision on what is here now, and not project into the future expectations to hold as debt, within this I commit myself to communicate to the other if I do have any expectations and to come to an agreement as to wither it is valid and accepted on both or not

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the entire construct of friendships is based on debt as within the mere expectation of the other to "be my friend", each with their own definition of it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to "lone" my friendship to my friends within the expectation that they will pay me back with their friendship towards me, as that is what will make us friends, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be friends with all beings in existence as equals, where as the reason being that the ones that I don't "chose" as my friends - I don't expect to get anything out of them, and thus I am not their friend because there is nothing in it for me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the entire construct of friendship is based solely on self interest and the living proof of it is that we are not friends with every one equally, we chose our friends to serve our needs, such as to feed our personalities or the idea that we are good/friendly people, or the belief we are protected and taken care of, because we have realized that we live in a cruel and evil world, that if we don't have anyone to take care of us we will not survive, yet we accept and allow others that are not our friends to walk around unprotected because they have nothing to give us in return to our friendship

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to treat some people better/different than others based on who I define as my friend, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to change as I present a different personality depending on which friend/person I am communicating with, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be the totality of me within self honest self expression with every one I am in communication with and in every moment of every breath

I commit myself to investigate all personalities I go into and participate with, within my friendships and with people that I don't define as my friend, and within that I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as personalities and allow myself to be here, stable and equal within/as every moment of every breath, through a process of writing myself within self forgiveness and corrective statement, to allow myself to see the self deception/manipulation I have participated with from a starting point of self interest, and to correct myself as what is best for ALL and not limit myself to living as what is best just for myself and my friends because I realize there can be no equality if I limit myself to just those that serve my self interest, thus I commit myself to, within breath, let go of my self interests, one point at a time, through realizing that the "highest" interest is that which is best for all, and thus I will not stop until I am equal within all my relationships and within all communications, stable as breath, here as life
 
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