Sunday, October 14, 2012
Continue from Day 59 - Redefining friendship
In the coming blogs I will investigate my friendships, as who I am within them and what they are/represent to me, I will go through the major influential friendships I had, and take responsibility for who I have allowed myself to be within them and what I have accepted the relationship to be.
Who am I within friendship?
I've had many different kinds of friendship, within each kind I am different, my set of expectations are different, my behavior, my effort, dedication, trust, loyalty, honesty… all are different according to the "type" of friend I am with. Thus, from this perspective, friendship is a main category, and then there are sub categories of friendships within the different types of friendships, and for each sub category there would be a slightly different set of rules.
Here, I would like to first, before investigating the details within each type of friendship and further more, within each specific friendship, I would like to establish a basic platform to work from. As I have written in my previous blog, there is a lot of value placed on friendship within how I have defined and lived it, and most, if not all of it, can be cleared up and taken away, to be able to leave the two beings with pure, self honest, respectful, enjoyable communication. I have seen that as of now, friendship do not hold these attributes, and thus my goal is to stop myself from participating within anything that is less than respectful, honoring, self honest, supportive communication, and thus I either let go all friendships or find the rotten starting point and change it into something that actually honor myself as life and supports both as equals within being a living example of honorable communication, support and respect.
But, just to be clear within myself, before I set out on this journey, I must be willing to let go all that I know within friendships, in order to truly allow myself to stop the old constructs of deception, manipulation and abuse, and create something new, completely different, and thus unknown as to what it will be..
Let the journey into the guts of friendship begin
Ok, so initially when I think of friendship I have a warm feeling, friendship represents support and love. But, when actually taking a look a bit deeper at the actual friendships, and not just the idea of a friend, the picture is much more complex.
The idea/ideal of friendship, that I have accepted, has to do with a bond, like two people tied together, thus limiting each other, not allowing complete self expression as within any bond/tie, within this bond, friends are obligated to some rules, the first one that comes up in my mind is expressing care/support towards one another, but what does this care look like? how do we define support?
So, caring for a friend will entail in calling them every once in a while, reaching out for communication, thinking about them when they are not there. Once communication is established, caring would mean listening to them, knowing about their life and asking about it to confirm that we know and care and thus ask, caring is sharing emotions with ones friend, such as if a friend is going through some hardship, then a friend would take it on themselves and experience hardship as well, feel identification and compassion, offer assistance and when cannot actually assist a caring friend will express their intention to assist, share their misery in a way, share the burden - that is caring
Within being a caring friends, I now see, it's like knowing the set of rules and following them, knowing how to act, acting as the caring character, so a caring friend must act as the caring character, they don't have to actually care, the hidden mind is what it is, it's hidden, thus a caring friend must only act as if they care in order to maintain the friendship.
In regards to support - support in a friendship is seeing the other, seeing what they are going through and giving assistance, but from my experience, supporting a friend was always difficult, cause you are expected to support their mind fuck basically, like if my boyfriend brakes up with me, my "supportive" friends will trash him, saying he doesn't deserve me and things like that to make me feel better, but will not actually support me in seeing what I have accepted within the relationship, and what I did and didn't do, what am I responsible for so that I can learn from myself and correct myself, no, support would be to justify the friend whatever happened. I have experienced many times the point of giving support to my friends and I experience their resistance to hearing what I have to say if it isn't completely justifying them and blaming the other, and many times they would ask me why can't I be more supportive - so here again, support within friendships is a pre-scripted act that one must play, as a supportive character, in order to maintain the friendship and be seen as a good friend.
Within this blog I have touched on two main characters of being a good friend, as the caring character and supportive character, I will investigate each and them within self forgiveness in my coming blogs, to expose/face who I am within these characters, and see how to correct myself into a being that is in fact caring and supportive towards myself and all equally as life, and not allow myself to participate in the caring and supportive character, as I realize that is an act, which is done through the starting point of self interest and isn't in fact supporting/caring for life through allowing self honest self expression, but is designed as a form of limitation and control
More to come
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