Sunday, October 7, 2012
continue from previous blogs:
Day 51 – Blame character – Part 1
Day 52 - Blame character - Part 2 - Reacting to Tonality - Self Forgiveness
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when/as I see myself experiencing being attacked by the interpretation I have given the tonality that is spoken towards/around me, within this I commit myself to remind myself within/as breath that words cannot harm me unless I give them value and accept them as an attack
I commit myself to when reacting to a tonality, investigate the memory I am allowing to direct me, within the understanding that the energetic reaction I am holding towards the tonality of how words are spoken to me are indicating that I am holding on to past experiences as memories and reliving them over and over through allowing myself to be triggered by them, thus, I commit myself to accept my reactions to tonalities as a gifts that are showing me back to myself, as another experience/memory/personality I must clear and free myself from, so that I can walk stable and be equal to/as myself in every breath, here
I commit myself to, when I see myself defining someone as authoritative, to stop myself and breathe, to realize I am communicating with a being who is equal to/as me, and thus to stop myself from accepting myself as less than, I am being, living and walking and eating and shitting and am unconditionally equal to all beings, I realize that any inferiority is of the mind and is a preprogrammed design, designed in the purpose of creating energy through conflict/friction, I commit myself to when I see myself reacting to someone I have defined as authoritative to consider it as a gift for myself to see myself as I walk myself back here, out of the mind as energy and into the physical, within/as breath
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath when I see myself interpreting someone's tonality as being attacking, within realizing that attack is of separation of the mind and thus any participation/acceptance of/within accepting attack is supporting the mind, and within that allowing the continued enslavement of myself and all of existence, thus I commit myself to when reacting towards the belief that I am being attacked, to stop and breathe, to bring myself back here to the physical and consider what is here as life, as what is being said in fact and what are the practical implications of it, and not allow myself to go into my mind as energy, within realizing that participation with the mind has only ever created suffering through separation, instead of support as what is best for all life
I commit myself to investigate my relationship with my name, as I realize that I have attached to it meanings, interpretations and energetic reactions, throughout the years, due to past experiences, through hearing my name repeated over and over in specific tonalities while experiencing specific energetic experiences, and thus have connected and "appropriate" reaction to every specific tonality, I commit myself within this to free myself from my own name through a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, until it is done
I commit myself to investigate myself as who I am within impatience as I see it is a point that has many layers and I have allowed it to direct me, thus within this, I commit myself to, as I walk the point of impatience and clear it up for myself within writing, self forgiveness, and corrective statement, when/as I see myself participate/react from/towards/within impatience, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself beck here into my physical body, reminding myself I only exist as one breath and can only do what can be done in one breath, thus I breathe and move, and stop the back chat as impatience or reaction towards impatience
I commit myself to, when interpreting someone being impatient with me to stop and breath, and to communicate with the other as asking them if they are impatient, and thus to not allow myself to go into back chat as reaction that build up as energy that then builds up as resentment, spitefulness and blame, within that I commit myself to considering the other person within understanding that any impatience is not actually personal "against" me, but is reflecting the there being within themselves, thus, I commit myself to focus on myself, to investigate all points of reaction towards impatience and to when interpreting someone as being impatient towards me to check myself as it is an indication that I might be impatient with myself and thus to see where can I improve/correct my application as to not accept others to react as impatience towards me
I commit myself to, when interpreting someone being impatient with me through interpreting and reacting to the tonality of their voice, to stop and breath, and to communicate with the other as asking them if they are impatient, and thus to not allow myself to go into back chat as reaction that build up as energy that then builds up as resentment, spitefulness and blame, within that I commit myself to considering the other person within understanding that any impatience is not actually personal "against" me, but is reflecting them within themselves, thus, I commit myself to focus on myself, to investigate all points of reaction towards impatience and to when interpreting someone as being impatient towards me to check myself as it is an indication that I might be impatient with myself and thus to see where can I improve/correct my application as to not expect others to react as impatience towards me through my projection of self impatience
I commit myself to stop myself within/as breath from going into defense mode when I perceive myself as being attacked through other people's expression within their tonality, instead I commit myself to within breath evaluate the situation and see if I am projecting self impatience onto the other, and thus correct my application and stop the self judgment
I realize there are many points intertwined here, and thus it will be a process that will have to be walked point by point, to entangle all connections I have allowed myself to create and live by within my mind, thus I commit myself to walk this process, one breath at a time, one step at a time, one point at a time, as each point opens and more of self is revealed and can be walked through writing, self forgiveness, corrective statements, and practical application within the physical, I commit myself to remind myself this is a process of specificity and must be walked as such
I commit myself to within walking this process of self realization and correction, to stop all self judgment as I realize that it is a construct of self abuse and self sabotage within separating myself from/as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become and to not allow myself within the judgment/shame/guild/regret to face myself as who I am, within this I realize that to be able to change myself I must look at all the points I have accepted myself to exist as, and to investigate how/why/when I have allowed these points to direct me as directive principle instead of being self directed within self honesty as life, I commit myself to walk this process to be sure I will never walk down the same path again, and I can trust myself to stand in support of all life as one and equal
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