Saturday, October 13, 2012
I've realized the deceptive nature of the construct of friendship as I have known it to be, I have always had many friends, I always enjoy spending time with people, but the more I walk my process of self honesty, the more I see the chains, the deception, the lies, the manipulation, the limitation… within friendship.
So here I am redefining the word friendship, the construct really, to clear it from all emotional/energetic attachments that I have placed on it, within a goal to be able to be equal to/with/as all, in other words, I don't want to have some people that are special to me and I see them as my friends and within this definition I treat them specially, act differently, have a different set of expectations of them, no, I want to walk with all as equals, and to do so I must let go of friendships and start simply communicating with beings, as equals
Gathering information
Self-allocation: how have I lived this world, how have I experience this word, how do I judge it, value it…
Friend is a word with a positive energy to it, I like friends, I want to have friends around me, I like people to think of me as a good friend.
What does it mean to be a good friend?
A good friend is there when you need them, they think of you, they care for you, they support you through hard times, they have similar interests/opinions/ideas, they do things for you thus you can ask them for help and expect them to comply, you do things together, entertain yourself together, spite/gossip about others together, they will have your back if someone is messing with you, there is an "us" within friends like a bond that is protected and defended, "us"/"them", there is loyalty between friends – your friend won't harm you, won't stab you in the back, won't talk about you behind your back, will protect your good name while trashing someone else's name with you. As a friend you are expected to only show support, even if you disagree you have to find a nice way to say it, to sum it up, friendship entails mutual support, laughing, having fun together, helping each other, doing things for each other, talking, doing things together, agreeing with each other, being nice to each other, but not to the rest, not to "them", it's an "us" sort of thing, a privet club.
There is a list of does and don'ts in friendships - thus there is limitation/restrictions, not actual self expression because you have to follow a set of rules or there will be consequences in form of conflict and emotional manipulation
So, what is friendship? A bond, connecting two or more people together based on a common interest, sharing a common goal/opinion/idea/belief, friendship is designed so that one will have company as more power, as back up, validation, conformation and agreement, I will trust myself more if my friends agree with me, and will doubt myself if the friends don't agree
Friendship has a debt system within it, I do something for you then you owe me and then I expect you to do something for me, then if you pay your debt you are a good friend
I see within the construct I have created as friend: it is someone that put's you first and shows you in all ways that you matter to them, thinks about when you are not around, looking out for your best interest, making sure you are ok - it is like an extension of self, all within a starting point of self interest, within friendship there is a mutual interest to look out for each others interest, and it is held as a debt, so there is a calculation, like you owe me I owe you sort of thing, and if you fuck up and don't watch my back I'll fuck up too and won’t watch your back in spitefulness
Dictionary definition:
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2. a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.
3. a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
4. a member of the same nation, party, etc.
5. ( initial capital letter ) a member of the Religious Society of Friends; a Quaker.
Sounding of the word, associations to the sounds:
Friend
Fry- association: frying, making a mark like on a cow's skin, showing we are friends (friendship bracelets)
End - friends till the end, committed to each other / obligated forever
Rend - sounds like Rand, the South African currency, money
Rent - another form of payment, what is the rent for friendship?
free end - free pass till the end, anything goes because we are friends, we'll watch each other's back and allow each other to do anything for free
Friendship
Free end ship - we are stuck together on the ship of friendship till the end
How can I redefine this word as a living expression of the word in the world without my personal value, without polarity, how does everybody live this word? How can I redefine this word without trapping everybody in a definition , when i have placed a value on the definition and now everybody has to live that value.
Redefining friend:
an acquaintance, that has some specific characteristics, that one enjoys/prefers to have in ones company/environment, through utilizing communication.
This was a very brief introduction to the point of friendship which has played a major roll through out my life
Much more to come...
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