Saturday, June 23, 2012

day 8 - what do I fear losing if I were to change - part 1


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing people in my life, not realizing that by trying to hold onto them I am losing myself within not allowing myself to actually be/live/change as myself

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to restrict and limit myself as self-expression within the consideration of what others around me will think, and thus compromise myself as life within the justification/belief that I will live a better life by having these people around me, not realizing that I have given up on living and myself as life within the attempt of pleasing them within the starting point of fear of them leaving me

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to project my self-judgment onto others within the belief that I am acting in a specific way to please "them" not realizing that I have been using "them" to hide the judgment I hold towards myself, and thus manipulating myself to act in a specific way that I find acceptable through the belief that I am doing it to please "them" as if it is an external expectation forced upon me, not realizing that I am in fact creating it and participating within/as it

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist within the fear of losing people due to not acting or being as they expect me to be, instead of realizing that these expectation have been put on by myself within my acceptance of these expectations, and thus I have created the expectation and have been forcing myself to live according to it, not once considering letting go the expectation and allowing myself to live within/as breath as life here in the moment

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear losing people and thus fear "rocking the boat" because I fear that if I change, those around me will not approve/like the change and will leave me, yet I haven't considered that living involves changing and if I limit myself due to fear of change because I don't trust others to accept me within my change I must take a look on what am I projecting upon them – and face the question why do I fear not accepting myself within changing? I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally, and thus fear losing my own self-acceptance once I change within fear of making a mistake as turning in the wrong direction

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself within changing, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am here in every moment of every breath, and as long as I am self-directing myself within/as changing I am responsible and able to trust myself within self-honesty

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself and within that fear I will make a mistake and will not realize it in time to fix it, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear making a mistake, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize myself here as life, within every breath I am here, within making a mistake I am here, and thus within the realization that I am here nothing can change/move me



I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to fear change within the idea that I as self as life can change, not realizing that anything that changes is the mind made persona as personality/habbits/opinions/perspectives and thus the fear of changing is the fear of the mind changing into what is best for all. I realize any fear of change is a mind made fear and not real as life as breath.

I commit myself to when finding myself participate in fear of change I stop and breathe, I return to self here as breath and act within the principle of what is best for all. I realize that I must push through the fear as it comes up in the physical reality.




I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear pushing through changes and actually acting different than what I am use to, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to be directed and motivated by this fear instead of being stable and committed to act within the principle of what is best for all and not allowing myself to be influenced by the mind made fear of change, within fearing the unknown as a new behavior  

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to blame others for not being able to accept me within my changes while not facing the point as self, within looking at what am I not accepting within/as myself that I am hiding from myself through projecting fear of un-acceptance from others

I commit myself to turning any blame I am holding towards others back to self within allowing myself to see the points I am rejecting myself upon within specificity

I commit myself to when the fear of losing people come up to stop and breathe, to realize it is not about them not accepting me but only about self-acceptance

I commit myself to pushing through the fear of the unknown, as I push myself to change within the principle of what is best for all, taking on one point at a time, allowing myself to expand into the unknown within the realization that I am here within and as breath

I commit myself to breathe, and walk day by day, breath by breath

1 comments:

Maya Harel said...

Very cool self support here. thanks for sharing Mayush.

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