Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Posted by
Maya R
at
3:12 PM
Labels:
commitment,
desteni,
excuses,
justifications,
my dog ate my home work,
responsibility,
self commitment,
self forgiveness,
self responsibility
I wrote a
blog for today on different computer and it froze, and my initial thought was
that it’s a legitimate reason to not have a blog done for today, “my computer
froze” is the modern excuse for “my dog ate my home work”.
But, if I have
made a commitment to myself to write and post a blog each day, then why am I looking
for excuses to get out of my commitment.
Once I allow
excuses to break my self-commitment it snowballs and sooner than later any
little thing becomes an excuse. So this time I saw myself going into the
pattern of looking for an excuse to excuse me from standing by/as the
commitment I gave myself, I saw myself going into back chat such as “what can I
do, I can’t be expected to write another blog, or to try to right it again…”
and I hear this voice in my head in a joking tonality like it would be absurd
to expect me to write again, not comprehending that I am writing for MYSELF and
not for anyone else, there is no external expectation I have to obey, it’s just
me and my commitment I made to/for myself, and within this I know that giving
myself excuse to get myself out of the commitment I made for myself is complete
self diminishment, and what would the outcome of that be? the outcome would be
another point to the “mind’s team” in the accumulation game, and one less point
for self within establishing myself as self trust self direction and self
support.
Not to say I
am in a war with my mind, but every action/decision I participate in is either
supporting myself as life or is supporting myself as the mind.
So, I’m glad
the computer froze, and I’m glad I had an opportunity to clear this point
within/as myself – I am writing this blog for me, I have made a commitment
for/as myself to support myself within walking myself out of the chains of the
mind and into life.
I realize
this blog is not only supporting because of the actual writing/self
forgiveness/self commitments, it is supportive through it being a commitment of
self dedication, through the writing of the blog, every day I commit to myself,
I dedicate myself to myself as life.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for excuses to get out of
commitments/responsibilities instead of standing within self dignity/honor and walking
my responsibility within/as breath, within respecting and honoring myself as
life
I forgive
myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write the blog from a starting
point of self support and have only written from a starting point of external
commitment, not realizing that I am walking this process as/for myself within
the principle of oneness and equality, thus anything within/as process that I do
not do for/as myself, that I do for someone else’s expectations of me, is self
deception, and will only last for that long, I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to realize this is a process of SELF, and thus all
points/motivations move from/as self or will not last, and within self motivation
as self movement as self direction I realize I must will myself within every
breath to make the decision, to chose myself as life, time after time, blog
after blog, breath after breath, time and time again, until… well, I don’t know
until when, until it is done.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to look for excuses to not write
myself blog without allowing myself to realize the self compromise within
making a decision and not standing my it, within this I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately throughout my
process through braking my own word time and time again, creating myself as not
trust worthy in my own eyes, to make it easier for myself to slack off and not
take responsibility because I am still moved/motivated by the force of self interest,
within this I realize that only through pushing/willing myself to honor myself
as life, to honor my decisions, to live within a principle of what is best for
all, will I be able to free myself from the chains of self interest and be able
to trust myself, to respect myself and to actually enjoy myself, and not have
to hide within shame of who I am as what I have allowed myself to be and exist
as, through my participation within/as the mind as self interest.
I forgive
myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself as I give myself
excuses and justifications to slack off and not stand by the decision I have
made, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
manipulate myself into believing my own deception, not allowing myself to see
the self sabotage within it, I forgive myself within this, that I have accepted
and allowed myself to always look for the easy way out even after I have proven
to myself time and time again, that the easy way out is in the long run the
long way, and that the easy way out will never give me the outcome I am
actually, really looking for, and that outcome is to be able to trust myself,
to appreciate myself, to know myself for what I really am, to face my true
nature as I have created myself, and to know I am directing myself to change
into being the being I actually want to be, and not simply to accept myself as
the being I have created myself as just because that’s the easy way out, but to
take the hard way of self investigation, because I realize I’d rather see/live
the ugly truth than to accept myself to live/exist as a lie, because I realize
that living as a lie is not living
I commit
myself to writing/posting a daily blog within the journey to life, because I realize
the support it gives me to make a directive decision and stand by it, no excuses
no justifications.
I commit
myself to remind myself that I am in fact writing this daily blog for myself,
as self support, and to remind myself the value of standing by my word/decision
I have given myself, within realizing that if I break my word to myself how can
I ever trust myself, and within that I realize that I have broken my word to
myself many time in the past, and for each time I will have to accumulate myself
as self trust, until I am actually trust worthy in my own eyes.
I commit
myself to writing every day practical commitments that I can stand by, because I
realize the self sabotage/deception within making big commitments “in the air”
that I cannot apply, within creating another point of not standing by my
commitment, thus I commit myself to be practical, so that I can actually stand
by it and be able to see/assess that I am in fact standing
I commit
myself to when seeing myself within giving myself excuses/justification to get
out of a self responsibility I stop and breathe and remind myself the simply
math of accumulation within realizing that each time I fall is remembered as accumulation
within the grand equation of my life, and thus through my participation with
justification/excuses I am making the path harder for me in the long run,
within this I commit myself to push myself from falling in the tempting trap of
justification
I commit
myself to breathe, I commit myself to slow down, I commit myself to
build/establish self –honesty within/as myself through the constant application
of the tools as writing/self forgiveness/self corrective statements
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