Day 41 - Fear of Facing Myself within Shame - Self Forgiveness

Retracted from yesterday blog -  Day 40 - Fearing Judgment Day : 

So the first fear I must face is the fear of facing myself, within understanding that I, as self as life, am not who I am programed to be, I as life as self is not defined by the program, thus I must allow myself to see the program as myself, to see myself for who I have allowed myself to be, so that I can once and for all take responsibility and direct myself as support to all life, as that is the only way that I will be able to stand in the face of death without the shame I have now towards myself for not supporting life, the shame for ignoring life and allowing abuse, allowing pain, creating pain for my own personal interest, to get a good feeling that has been programed into me as sugar, to keep me running towards the temptations of the positive feelings and away from the negative, thus allowing myself to be a slave to my feelings/emotions, a lifeless robot that is moved and directed by cue, with no inner movement, no self will or self direction… is this who I want to be? Is this how I am accepting myself as?

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within/as shame

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself be ashamed of myself within taking who I am personally within believing who I am, as how I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, defines me and thus I go into shame as stating to myself that I am accepting myself as who I have defined myself as, instead of actually investigating myself and making a directive decision as to who I want to be from here on out, as living into the physical the principle  of what is best for all within equality

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself within the experience of shame, through not allowing myself to see/face myself due to fear/resistance of experiencing shame towards myself, within that allowing myself to be directed by the desire for "good" feelings while avoiding the "bad" feeling such as shame, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use shame as what is actually here as a tool of self support to assist me in seeing/realizing myself as who I have accepted myself to be and from the point of seeing/realizing myself to push myself to change, and within this to stop allowing myself exist within/as shame.

within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the desire for "good" feelings and avoidance of "bad" feelings within not realizing that this is how I have enslaved myself to/as the mind as being directed blindly through good/bad feelings instead of directing myself as what is best for all within self honesty

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within shame within not realizing that who I am as that which I am ashamed of does not actually define me as life, and thus I can, within self will/movement, change myself in to a being that supports all life

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to use the experience of shame as a toll, to investigate that which I experience shame towards and to decide within/as self honesty who I want to be within/as the point, considering all life as a whole and not only my self interest, because I have realized that any self interest that compromise life is of the mind as separation, and thus a point that later comes up as shame towards self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear shame within/as myself instead of using it as self support to expose/face myself, to allow myself to see within self honesty who I have allowed myself to become and take self responsibility accordingly and change myself as what is best for all within every point that I shame

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate points of shame because I didn't want to let go of the value system I have been existing as within points I experience shame towards, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to defined myself according to the value system I was taught by my parents/society and within that allow myself to judge myself within the experience of shame when I do not stand as the value I was taught by the system, not realizing the extent of mind control within that as suppressing my self-expression, and not accepting myself as myself due to ideas of values and morality that I have accepted without considering life within/as the physical

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ashamed of myself within believing that that which I am ashamed of defines me, not realizing that within self will/movement I have the ability to change myself and to become a being that I will not be ashamed of because I will know I am living according to what I have decided to live as, within a self directed decision, and thus I realize that participating within/as shame is a self manipulation to not take responsibility and to actually change, but to prefer the self punishment in form of the negative feeling as shame instead of actually changing within/as the physical

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use shame as self manipulation to get myself out of looking/investigating a point within/as myself due to not wanting to take self responsibility, within the desire to remain within/as my self interest while not considering all life as what is best for all but to stay in my small bubble of self interest and shame not allowing myself to change myself into/as support of all life

I commit myself to stop myself within/as shame because I realize it is a self manipulation keeping me from changing within existing as separation from myself and the physical reality as life, and staying trapped in the mind as shame/judgment

I commit myself to show that shame is a self manipulation to get self out of taking self responsibility within this physical reality and remaining trapped within/as the mind as judgment and fear, within this I commit myself to take each point of shame within me as a gift of life and forgive myself within making a directive decision to change as what is best for all, because I know within self honesty that only that which is best for all is actually best for me within the consideration of living shamelessly and only within living that which is best for all can I face myself at my judgment day and stand with no regrets for all that I've accepted and allowed as myself

I commit myself to look at all points of shame and to investigate within self honesty if the point is valid within perspective of is it showing me myself as my participation within  a mind created point of self interest, and thus I will change myself within/as it, or if the point is not valid, within showing me a point I am judging myself for, due to beliefs/values that I have accepted from my parents/society, and thus ,I look at the value system I have placed and clear myself form the value system that has directed me through allowing myself to judge myself and others within it.

I commit myself to walk a day by day process of stopping the mind within/as breath through writing, self forgiveness and self corrective statements, because I have realized that being directed by the mind is not trust worthy as the mind as all beliefs/emotions/feelings are a lie within not actually being here as reality as the physical, and thus I realize that in order to birth myself as life from the physical I must allow myself to let go all that is familiar through my habit of participating with and believing the mind, and to reestablish myself as life here within/as the physical in every breath