Monday, September 10, 2012
This blog is continuing the blogs from the previous day, here I am opening
up another point that came up within the table top experience
Here are the previous blogs for reference:
I have a desire to please others, a desire to be approved within a fear
of being judged or seen as wrong/bad. Like I need to prove my worthiness to the
group around me, like just being myself is most likely not good enough so I must
work at and attempt to be more than myself, and when I am not more than myself I
stress about it with back chat such as: "I can't have them see the real/incapable/bad
me because they will surely not accept me anymore"
Being accepted feels like appoint of survival, like I will not survive
in this world if I am not socially accepted, and within this I haven’t realized
the amount of effort/attention/energy I am spending trying to be someone I am
not, to fulfill an ideal I have created in my mind within self-judgment, within
the initial belief that I am not worthy/good enough and thus cannot trust
myself to make it on my own, and thus require the approval and acceptance of
others to assist me to survive.
Self-Forgiveness
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to see and define
myself through the eyes of others, and thus manipulate my behavior and
expression in order to make sure others will see me as good and acceptable,
while not allowing myself to express myself as who I am due to shame and fear
of being exposed as who I really am and not approved/accepted
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to within living
the pleasing character throughout my entire life, to have lost contact with my
natural self-expression, and within this to accumulate more fear of exposure
due to not knowing myself and thus not knowing what will come out if I allow
myself to actually "be me" instead of the presentation I have created
throughout my life
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear myself within
fearing what will come out if I allow myself to "be me", not
realizing that as long as I wait with facing myself I am accumulating more and
more layers, separating myself further from myself, instead of simply stopping,
here, within/as breath, and allowing myself to slowly but surely open myself up
to myself and explore myself as who I really am within a process of self
forgiveness and within a commitment to correct myself within the principle of
equality and oneness so that I can from here on stand stable within/as myself
as one and equal to/as myself and don't hide myself in shame of myself anymore
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be
accepted by others in order to reassure to myself that I am ok, and do not need
to change in fact, because I am accepted, within this I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to investigate the point of desire for acceptance within
the context of allowing myself to see who I am in fact and to within self-honesty
push and change myself so that I can accept myself within knowing that I am in fact
walking as what is best for all within walking the process of stopping my mind
and stopping myself as self-interest, within realizing that once I know within/as
myself that I am in fact walking what is requires to be walked I will not be dependent
on others to accept me, because I will accept myself without shame nor regret,
within birthing into the physical myself as the self-commitment to walk what is
best for all within equality and oneness
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire to be accepted by
others is showing me that I am not in fact accepting myself, and thus I require
to investigate why am I not accepting myself and within self-honesty to change
myself accordingly to the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for
all, to a point where I am living self-acceptance within/as every breath as one
and equal within/as myself, because only through accepting myself can I actually
become one and equal within/as myself, and thus I realize that the desire to be
accepted can be utilized as a self-support tool to show me points I am not
satisfied within/as myself to investigate the self-judgment and my application
within/as the point.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within an
experience that I need to please others in order for them to accept me, within
the belief that if they accept me they will treat me in a way that will benefit
me, instead of realizing that it is self-compromising to suppress myself as who
I am in order to fit in according to an idea I have created in my mind, therefore,
within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prefer others
acceptance of me rather than being here as myself within self-honesty and respecting
myself as life through accepting myself within allowing myself to see who I have
allowed myself to be and become, not through the eyes of judgment but rather
through self-forgiveness to be able to take responsibility for that which is
not self-supportive, through changing myself for real, from a starting point of
equality and oneness and not from self-suppression within a starting point of
wanting to be liked within self-interest.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the self-diminishment
within the self-belief that I am unworthy and must change myself according to
an idea in order to be accepted, within that I forgive myself that I've
accepted and allowed myself to believe I must be accepted to survive, not trusting
myself as life to be here stable as life, no matter what others think of me
Self-Commitment Statements
I commit myself to investigate myself when/as I find myself going into
the experience of desire to be accepted, within realizing that within this
experience I am pointing myself back to self, showing self a point of
self-judgment that requires forgiveness or a point of application that must be
corrected within self-honesty. Thus, I commit myself to use the desire to be
accepted as a tool for self-support within the process of birthing myself as
life from the physical within becoming equal and one to/as myself
I commit myself to myself as life, I commit myself to walk the process
of birthing myself as life from the physical through the practical tools of
writing within self-honesty and self-forgiveness, I commit myself to allow
myself to see all of myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and
become, to allow myself to see myself without judgment within realizing that
judgment is pointless and isn't effective within creating a practical change
within/as myself
I commit myself to when acting within the desire to please, to stop and
breathe, I commit myself to investigate the situations/people where I go into
the experience/behavior of desire to please and within self-honest investigation
to clear the point up as to never be directed by it again
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