Monday, September 17, 2012
Posted by
Maya R
at
2:12 PM
Labels:
desteni,
desteni i process,
fear,
fear of death,
horse,
hurt,
kick,
kicking,
self forgiveness
here I am walking through the different dimensions of the point of fear of being kicked by a horse through
Though as a picture
An image of a horse standing
on his front two feet with his back legs up high
Where did this fear come
from?
As a child we went horseback
riding, and it was always something they said, like a warning, to not
stand/pass behind a horse because it can kick you, and it's very dangerous. It's
like the one thing my mom knows/sais about horses: "don't stand behind it
so it can't kick you"
Back chat
What is he doing? Should I walk
here? Will he kick me? Is he relaxed/irritated?
I know that standing behind a
horse is dangerous
How can I get to the other
side without passing behind him?
Shit, what is he thinking? Does
he understand me? Is he going to test me?
Am I going to be able to do
this?
I'm not sure I'm up for
working with horses…
Can I stop being afraid?
Ho shit, they detect fear,
he'll walk all over me, I'm not sure I can do this
Imagination (play out,
movie scenario)
I see a scenarios in my mind of
me passing behind the horse and he kicks me in the head, and I dye, or he kicks
me in my chest and breaks my rib cage, or kicks me and I fall down and he steps
on me and I'm injured and in pain. All scenarios in regards to me doing
something that I shouldn't have, or that could have been prevented, and the
horse ends up kicking/hurting me in some way/shape/form
Reaction,
emotions/feelings, energetic reaction
Self-doubt, fear, fear of pain,
fear of death, hesitation, weakness, I feel like I'm not solid, like less than
myself physically, like some of me is missing physically,
Physical changes
I approach the horse with
hesitation, like I'm coming towards him and away from him at the same time – my
hand is coming towards the horse and my body/back is moving back words
Within the tonality of my
voice I ask him to move with a tonality of a question, going high in the end of
the sentence, something like: "would you maybe mind moving?" also it
is said in a soft and shaking voice
Self-forgiveness
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to fear of being kicked by a horse when working
with horses
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to fear being hurt by a horse
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to participate in a thought of fear of horses and
within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing one though to possess
me within allowing myself to go into emotional reaction just by that one
thought coming into play within that removing myself in separation from myself
as the breath here, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to
through my participation within/as the thought of fear of being kicked by a horse
to actually kick the breath away from myself within stopping myself as life
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing conversations I heard as a child direct me within my
participation within/as fear of being kicked by a horse, I realize that there
is common sense practicality within understanding the possible events that can occur
when working/moving around horses, and thus I work/move within/as awareness not
allowing myself to go into the mind within/as fear
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to participate/follow/believe the back chat coming up in my
mind in relation to fear of being kicked by a horse, within that I forgive
myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself within/as back
chat and within that to justify the fear as emotional reaction, thus allowing myself
to stay within/as the character of fear of horses, limiting myself to a
character instead of allowing myself to expand beyond it as life within/as
breath, and to explore life and to actually live, not as a programed character
but as life itself.
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to entertain myself within my mind as imagination
within projection a film like scenario of being kicked/hurt by a horse and thus
perpetuate the fear instead of allowing myself to within self-support to stop
the imaginations through realizing that they are not supporting me as life but
are supporting the mind as the abusive illusion
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to watch the imagination in my mind as a short
movie as entertainment within justifying and compounding the fear of being
kicked by a horse, instead of stopping myself from participating as an audience
to this film and allow myself to be here, practically in the physical, where I can
actually take action within awareness to prevent such event to occur
I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to see the physical changes I create within/as my body when
facing the fear of being kicked by a horse, within that I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the mind to such an extent that
my physical body will change it's expression to equalize with the mind
possession as fear, instead of allowing myself to be the directive principle
where I align my mind to/as the hereness of my body within/as breath
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to participate in "mind over matter" by
allowing my physical body to change as a result as my mind possession, thus
indicating that my mind is the master of me and my body as the slave, within
this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my body up to
the mind within expressing myself physically according to the mind's fearful
possession
I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to see the physical changed in my body due to not
allowing myself to be self-intimate within/as my body, and within that I forgive
myself for not allowing myself to see the physical changes and investigate them
as self-support to assist me in realizing the possession of the mind as fear of
horses, to be able to bring myself back here through writing/self-forgiveness/corrective
statements
I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to stay stable within/as breath within/as self-trust when
working with horses, but instead I go into fear and allow myself to exist
as/within fear within visualizing within/as my mind different scenarios that
could happen that I would get hurt, I forgive myself or not accepting and allowing
myself to realize that when I am participating within/as thoughts as
imaginations of scenarios that could happen I am at the moment not here
within/as breath, not here within/as self and thus at moment of fear/thought I am
actually putting myself in danger through not being here in fact to direct any situation
that comes along
I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to trust myself around horses and exist within a
constant fear of them getting irritated and I won't notice or know what to do
and I will end up getting hurt, within this I forgive myself for accepting and
allowing myself to not be here with the horse but instead be in my mind as
thoughts/fear and thus create a situation where I cannot be the directive
principle because I am not here within awareness to direct the situation, thus I
have accepted and allowed myself to give my responsibility of myself and the
horse to the mind as trusting in the mind as fear instead of building myself
within/as self-trust through applying myself here in every moment within/as
breath to be able to actually be here to take responsibility and direct any situation
that comes along within/as breath
I forgive myself for
accepting and allowing myself to go into my mind within a imagination of a
picture of a horse kicking, a picture I created/stored in my mind as memory,
and whenever I recall that picture memory I justify to myself the fear of
horses, as if the picture is showing me the actual truth of danger within
horses, instead of realizing that the picture is a self-created one dimensional
image, and thus is not a "true" representation of the three dimensional
reality we exist as, within this I realize that within practicality, the fear
is useless and will only put me in unnecessary danger rather than help/assist
me, within realizing this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing
myself to breathe through the fear within the understanding that the only thing
to fear is the fear itself, from the perspective that while I am participating within/as
fear I am not here and cannot direct/take responsibility for/as the situation
and thus compromise myself and the environment I am in, within this I realize
that since I am the creator of the fear coming up within me, I am responsible
and able to stop it
I forgive myself for accepting
and allowing myself to live in fear instead of allowing myself to slowly but
surely through stopping the mind as fear time and time again, to build self-trust
within the practical understanding that I will slowly and surly learn more and
more about the horses and how to handle/treat/read them, thus will become more
and more aware of the situation and know what to do/act/behave within also
knowing what can go wrong from a perspective of being prepared/informed within
common sense, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing
myself to see, realize and understand that to fear the situation within going into my
mind as thought/imaginations is what is putting me in danger in fact, within
this I also realize that participating within/as fear is acting as an interruption
to self, through within creating within myself an impression that I am actually
doing something to protect myself from the dangers while in fact all I am doing
is the contrary, and actually creating the danger through participating
within/as fear.
I forgive myself for not
accepting and allowing myself to be one and equal to/as the horses
I forgive myself for not accepting
and allowing myself to see that working with the horses is in fact an opportunity
to within working hands on within/as the physical to establish myself here
within/as breath
Self-Commitments
I commit
myself to, when a thought manifest in my mind of fear of being kicked by a horse
- to in that moment stop and breathe within realizing I am here in breath in
this body, and within my participation with following the thought, I am missing
another breath/moments of being alive here
I commit
myself to when a thought of being kicked by a horse manifest in my mind, I stop
and breathe, I bring myself back here to my physical body to the physical environment
I am in, I hear the noises around me, I look at what's around me, I am
here, I focus on the physical and through the physical support myself to stay
out of the mind as thoughts
I commit myself to
investigate information I got from my parents environment within realizing that
some of it is practical and some of it is simply an accepted emotional reaction
to a situation learnt by the environment and accepted by self, thus I commit
myself to participate within using common sense within/as the physical, and not
occupy myself within/as the mind as emotional reactions as I have realized they
are merely a distraction of being here as life within/as breath
I commit myself to stopping
my participation within/as back chat, within realizing they are coming from and
defending a character I have created as myself, and thus I realize that my
participation within/as back chat is giving power to the character and thus
taking power away from self as breath as life, thus I commit myself to stopping
the back chat within/as breath as it comes up I breathe and simply do not participate.
I commit myself to stopping
myself within/as breath when watching the fear inducing movie in my head,
within realizing that watching the movie in my head is keeping me away from
myself here as breath, and thus is actually creating a dangerous situation
where I am not here and cannot be responsible for the environment around me and
thus cannot trust myself to be safe around the horses, thus I commit myself to
when working with/around the horses to be here within/as breath and not allow
myself to wonder in the movie of my mind
I commit myself to
investigating my physical changes within/as mind possessions as fear of horses,
and to through the body learn to detect what is going on in my mind, to be able
to stop myself as the mind and to be here within/as the physical body,
within/as breath
I commit myself to when
working with horses to use it as a practical practice platform for being here
within/as breath, and within that I commit myself to use the fear of being
kicked by a horse as self-support to breathe through it and remain here as the
physical, equal to the horse and what I am doing at the moment here
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2 comments:
Cool post Maya - I'm sure that Sagon will assist you greatly with the living application of your self-commitments here :)
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing, Maya!
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