Day 20 - "I don't like doing things alone" character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as a character of "I don't like doing things alone"

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the character of "I don't like doing things alone" based on a self-belief that I am in fact that character, not allowing myself to realize that any and all characters are created by self through accumulation of participation, within allowing myself to play the part designed for the character of "I don't like doing things alone" and within every time I allow myself to play the part, instead of stepping out of character I increase the self-belief in the character and make it that much harder for me to step out and let go of the character all together.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and my actions due to not having anyone doing it with me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this character I have defined as myself as an excuse to limit myself and within that to maintain the character of victim, being limited by not having people to do things wth me, instead of realizing that I am not a victim of circumstances, but am creating the whole construct/pattern with my own participation in it. Thus i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the character of "I don’t like doing things alone" and to within my participation wth that character to indulge the victim character I have created myself as, not seeing realizing and understanding how one feeds off of the other

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to freeze when wanting to do something but realizing I have no one to do it with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the experience of being frozen before having to do an activity alone, not realizing that the experience of being frozen is a part of the "I don't like doing things alone" character and is created and re-created over and over through my participation of it

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by weather or not I have someone to do things with me, instead of being the directive principle of myself, directing myself within the principle of equality as what is best for all, within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear and to make decisions where the primary factor is fear instead of the main factor being the actual activity within common sense as a practical decision

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself and suppress myself by not doing what I had planned just because I have no one to do it with

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist doing things alone because of an experience of fear of embarrassment/resistance of seeing/meeting/facing other people while doing the activity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear seeing/meeting/facing other people while doing an activity on my own, within a self-belief and future projection that I will not be able to handle the interaction well, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to be able to handle life as when comes my way in a random/simple daily environment, thus creating myself as restricted and limited instead of allowing myself to life/express/explore life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions according to weather I will have someone to do the activity with me instead of the practicality of deciding in regards to the activity within common sense.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself and disregard that which I had planned on doing due to fear and self-doubt as a mind construct and character and not based on what is best for all as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make decisions based on the character I have created myself as "I don't like doing things alone" and not based on what is best for all within common sense, thus not allowing myself to step out of character to the realm of life to be able to trust myself as life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the character I have created myself as "I don't like doing things alone" within the self-belief I have about myself in regards to the character, ad within that I have created myself as not trust worthy due to following my self-interest character based on mind construct rather than being the directive principle of myself and directing myself within the principle of equality as what is best for all.

I realize that as long as I follow any of the characters I have created myself as I am not to be trusted with life, and to build self-trust within self-honesty I must stop myself as the characters I have created myself as, one by one, and correct myself within alignment within the principle of equality as what is best for all.

I commit myself to pushing myself through writing and applying self-forgiveness to stop myself as both characters of "I don't like doing things alone" and the victim character that is the outflow of the first character.

I commit myself to, through writing and applying self-forgiveness, to rake down that character of "I don't like doing things alone" to be able to stop myself as that character within seeing/realizing and understanding the full construct that I have allowed myself to become within this character

I commit myself to when wanting to do something but then experience myself as frozen due to not having someone to do it with me, to stop and breathe, to bring myself back here to the physical, to push myself through the resistance that I have worked for years to create, and to do the activity regardless of not haing someone to do it with. I commit myself to through writing/self-forgiveness to support myself to do everything I intend to do regardless of not having someone to do it with, not allowing that to be a parameter of my decision, unless it is practically relevant.

I commit myself to making decisions within the starting point of self honesty, I commit myself to stopping myself as I see myself making decision based on fear and not based on the practical common sense of the situation. When seeing myself basing my decision on fear/character I stop and breathe, I go through the physical elements of the situation and make my decision based on physicality and not on the mind/character

I commit myself to express myself through the activities I allow myself to participate in, and to stop myself as suppression due to fear/characters through breathing and the application of writing/self-forgiveness. I commit myself to push through the habit of self-suppression due to fear/characters through writing/self-forgiveness and corrective application within the principle of equality as what is best for all being the guide line and showing me the way

I commit myself to using the principle of equality as what is best for all as a support system, as an anchor, supporting me when I have "lost my way" within becoming possessed by fear/characters.

I commit myself to support myself through writing, applying self-forgiveness, corrective application and self-corrective commitment statements until I have walked through al the characters and can trust myself as life, until I can trust myself to live without as within, the principle of equality as what is best for all

Day 19 - Sister character – part 2

this is a continuation of my previous blog: Day 18 - Sister character – part 1

I forgive for accepting and allowing myself to submit myself to the sister character wherein doing so I submit my sister in the sister character as well, thus due to my participation within/as the sister character I trap us both as characters, living in the past, basing our communication on memories of events and how we reacted to them based on the characters we accepted at the time, and thus creating a vast/complex sister character existing through our participation with all these other characters and memories of them. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards my sister through/as the character of "I deserve this" and thus when she didn't act according to what I think/believe I deserve I would allow myself to become spiteful towards her, and create a dynamic/even/memory for us to duplicate time and time again, every time I believe she is depriving me from what I deserve

I commit myself to when experiencing myself going into the character of "I deserve this" with my sister, I stop myself and breathe, I check my starting point and looking within myself to see what in fact I am reacting towards - is this "I deserve this" a basic right that we all deserve as equals and if so act on it within breathe and not from reaction, or is this "I deserve this" exposing self-interest within superiority and desire to be special and get special attention, and if so I stop myself, as I don't accept myself to participate in such construct/characters that manifest abuse and other consequences that are not best for all due to having a self-interest starting point 

I commit myself to stopping myself within breath as self-support, when going into reaction towards my sister within re-creating the character of "I am not getting (she is not giving me) what I deserve" and instead to allow myself to be humble within the notion that I am not special, I am equal to her, and my desires are simply desires and do not stand as what is desired by all as what is best for all

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react towards my sister within/as the character of "I don't know what to say" based on passed memory of saying something and not accepting her reaction as valid, and thus with time I have created myself as fearful of her 'unexpected reactions towards me' due to taking her reactions personally and allowing them to 'shut me down'. Within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as shutting down due to her reactions, not allowing myself to stand by what I say and thus creating a character of "Fear to express myself" due to not allowing myself to stand as what I say in fear of the reaction that might be coming my way, due to taking the reaction personally. While not realizing that any reaction from another is towards themselves and I am merely a reflection supporting them to see themselves and thus I should not take it personally. within the realization above, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it is best for all, as supporting both of us, to express myself in spite of the fear of what the reaction will be, thus pushing myself to walk through the fear of "I fear to express myself because I fear unexpected/undesirable reactions towards me" to allow myself to stand as what I say and build myself as self-trust and self-stability, not allowing anything less than who I am , not allowing myself to be directed by fears that are created to trap me in the character but rather to allow myself to actually be free of all characters and to live as self, while at the same time allowing the other to see themselves as well, through their reaction to what I am saying, and thus to stop supporting their character by playing along as we both support our characters and trap ourselves in them forever.

I commit myself to push myself to speak up and express myself and push through the fear of her reaction, I commit myself to stand as/behind my words and to stop myself within/as breath from manipulating myself to suppress myself due to a momentary illusion that I am supporting myself or her for not speaking up/expressing myself, not realizing that I am only supporting the characters I have created, thus I stop my participation with the "I fear speaking up because I fear her reaction" character through speaking up within and as breath, making sure within self-honesty that I am speaking from self-expression and not from a starting point of reaction/spitefulness/comparison/judgment… making sure I am here, one and equal to/as the words I speak, to then be able to stand as them  

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself towards my sister within/as reaction, and within/as spitefulness, not allowing myself to actually see the point I am reacting to but instead to react and to create through my reaction the outflow we are well familiar with as the sister character we participate in, I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see, realize and understand that when talking within reaction I am already creating the outflow of our dynamic, and that from the starting point of my own reaction I have already started the time line of my sister and I going into our characters as tension/suspicions within our dynamic/communication, thus I realize that in order to take self-responsibility and stop this dance I must stop myself as reaction towards her, and instead of reacting I must breathe and reconnect with my body to support me with stopping my reaction.

I commit myself to stopping myself as reaction towards y sister within breath, within realizing that by speaking to her within reaction I am creating the outflow of tense communication that leads to spitefulness and mutual/self-abuse, instead of allowing us to communicate within/as support towards ourselves and each other as what is best for all, to stop fighting and ego/power games