day 15 - Child or adult polarity - creating the outsider character

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like an outsider in the world of adults due to not feeling like an adult, within that allowing myself to participate within/as inferiority and self judgment for not being good enough, within believing that I am not qualified to be an adult, that I am lacking some knowledge and way of living in order to fit in as a competent adult. Not allowing myself to see, realize and understand that I have created myself as such as a character, trapping myself within the limitation of the character as “I don’t know how to be an adult, and thus do not belong as an adult in this world of adults”, I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see, realize and understand that through my allowance I have created myself as this character and thus have the ability within stopping such allowance to stop myself as the character, due to realizing it is not of support to myself as life nor to those around me as myself.
 


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel like an outsider in the world of children and thus separating myself from them due to the belief that children is defined by age and through the age definition I am not a children and thus do not belong in that group. I have created the definition of a child within dependence on an age range, and since I am still defining myself and others according to age, and even though I have created myself as the character of “not growing up”, I have created myself as stuck between the two world that I have separated within my definition of child/adult, and within this definition have excluded myself from both these worlds to feel like an outsider in both of them.
 
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that by separating child/adult I have created myself as an excluded character, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the connection between creating myself as the character of child/adult and the character of being excluded. Now that I see/realize the abusive nature and consequential outflow of the child character I commit myself to stopping myself from participating as this character and deleting all abusive definition as child/adult within/as myself, to allow myself to exist here not limited/judgmental due to such definitions

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand the consequential out flow to my creation of myself as the character of child/adult as for instance the outflow as the character of feeling excluded within both groups which included all, so in fact through creating myself as the character of child/adult I have created a sub character of feeling excluded from everybody else within the belief that we are define according to our age and within the initial definition I have created for child/adult

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create the initial definition of child/adult within defining children as not having to take self responsibility and adult as being responsible for everything, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this definition as a way to never have to take responsibility through creating myself as a character that doesn’t grow up, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify myself through the use my memory of my mother telling me she is a child that has never grown up, as an excuse to allow myself to stay a child as not taking responsibility and to feel ok with it, while actually knowing within myself that only I can take responsibility for/as myself and thus actually creating a self abusing construct of myself as a child that doesn’t take responsibility for self, while the responsibility/consequences are piling up and I am not standing up to do anything about it due to the character of being a child

I commit myself to stop myself as the child character due to realizing the abusive nature of such a character through allowing myself to not take self responsibility within believing the self created definition of being a child as one that doesn’t have to take responsibility. Within this I commit myself to change/delete the definition I hold towards child/adult into a definition that supports all as equals not allowing such a definition to create separation within me nor a sense of exclusion, I commit myself to catch myself as I go into the character of feeling excluded due to the definition of child/adult and to use such occasions as self support to stop/remove/delete all and any definition that is allowing/creating any separation as exclusion  to exist within me