Day 6 - Postponement

Postponement

I find it fascinating that if I have a “to do list” I will always postpone the priority chore on the list and will be most likely to do the last, in other words the more something is more important for me to do I am least likely to do it.

I just sat down now near the computer with a short “to do list” of things to get done, and then a thought came up that I should check if the new episode of “house” came out, so I did, and it did, so immediately I decided to watch it right now, instead of the “more important” things that I actually wanted to do.

As my mind was telling me how it’s not a problem to first watch the show and then get on with my chores, I obeyed my mind as if I was on autopilot, going at it, and simply doing what needs to be done to watch the series. I find it fascinating how immediately I acted as opposed to when I am about to do something that is actually of value and I postpone the hell out of it. It hit me how I am in fact capable of doing things in the moment, acting now and not postponing for later – if I can do it to watch a series I can do it for anything.

I realize when I postpone it is due to my allowance of my mind as thoughts to direct me instead of being the self directive principle and doing what I intended to do within my “to do list” and not allow the most tempting distraction to distract me. The mind is great in giving me reasons/excuses/distractions to postpone what I require to do and instead to do that which is most self interest and of no actual value,  besides giving power to the mind over me, as I time and time again “fall” for the temptations the mind has set up for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make “to do lists” and then disregard them as myself any time a more fun/interesting idea/opportunity comes along, within this point I realize I am disregarding myself every time I do so, while giving my mind power over me as the direction of me that I have been following. I realize that in order to stop and direct myself within the principle of what is best for all within the principle of oneness and equality I must stop following the mind’s temptations and push myself to actually do that which is on the list.

When I see myself falling to the temptations of the mind to postpone I stop and breathe, I return here and push/direct myself to do what is most practical/effective at the moment. I commit myself to stop the thoughts giving me excuses and justifications, I direct myself to see the deception of the thoughts as I stand up for/as life by not allowing myself to be directed by the mind but to direct myself within self honesty as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted add allowed myself to trust my mind as distractions that it will be ok if I postpone my “to do list” while I have seen time and time again that the result is not having enough time to get everything done

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let my mind play “time tricks” on me, being “optimistic” in regards to time, telling me there is enough time to do everything, I realize that by participating with my mind I am not taking into account the physical time/space reality in which we exist in, and not taking into account that things actually take time and there is only a limited amount of time in each day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be optimistic in regards to time as a method of not taking self responsibility, falling time and time again to the trap of “not making it in time”, and allowing myself to walk around within a state of stress due to “not making it”.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into stress when I do not stand as my time table, not realizing that stress is but another mind construct. When I see myself going into stress over not completing my “to do list” or not standing within my time frame, I stop and breathe, I realize this stress is my own self creation as self sabotage/abuse, I realize I have not supported myself within pushing myself to complete what needs to be done at the moment within breath.

I commit myself to support myself through this realization – I realize that when I go into stress it is a reflection of a point I have forsaken myself in regards to, in the name of the mind as self interest, it is indicating to me I must stop and forgive myself for the stress I have allowed myself to experience, and to act within self honesty as what is the priority point to do at the moment. I commit myself, when facing myself as stress due to postponement, to stop and breathe; I push myself to act as what is best for all within self honesty through the support of stress as a red flag pointing me back to myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a pattern of postponement/being late, hiding behind an optimistic careless persona, acting as if everything will be ok, when actually I stress over every bit of it, thus acting stable and carefree but inside I have been tossing and turning within stress/judgment/guilt/shame within the belief that I am incapable of changing nor directing myself within the physical space/time reality effectively.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put on a mask of being carefree to hide within self deception the actual self as stressful and intimidated of making mistakes, thus creating inner conflict and incoherency. I forgive myself for using this persona I have accepted myself to be as an excuse/justification to postpone and thus sabotage myself within knowing that I end up being stressed about it because I am not in fact carefree as I wish to believe that I am

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give more value to the expression of being carefree as I have defined it, rather than being stressed, within giving it more value I have allowed myself to deceit myself into believing that it who I am, not allowing myself to express myself not support myself as who I am in the moment but rather act in a carefree way in order to be able to accept myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself as who I am within accepting myself as stressed/uptight in order to within facing myself to be able to change myself and not be directed/influenced by the mind as stress, instead I have suppressed myself as stress/uptight and thus haven’t allowed myself to face myself and thus could not direct myself to change.

I commit myself to revealing myself to myself layer after layer, in order to see me for who I am as who/what I have accepted myself to be and become so that I can change myself in alignment with what is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself through postponement within listening to the mind as it gives me excuses to not do my list but instead to spend my time in other activities. I realize that the only way to stop this pattern of self sabotage as postponement is to simply stop

I commit myself to stop myself time and time again from being directed by the mind as postponement, I commit myself to stopping participation with my mind as it gives me excuses to postpone that which I directed myself to do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into self judgment for not completing my list instead of doing the practical thing and that is to, at the moment I notice the self judgment, to stop participating with my mind as self sabotage as postponement, I realize that self judgment is but another mind component keeping me trapped in the realms of the mind instead of here as breath within the physical reality acting and doing that which is practical to be done.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to constantly judge myself for postponing and by doing so to punish myself for not completing my list, while I haven’t realized that self punishment through judgment is a mind self manipulation keeping me from facing the point in order to actually change it because I have given myself the punishment and thus can simply move on to do it again and again without having to learn or change. I realize that self judgment isn’t a practical solution and just gets in my way of actually applying myself effectively. Thus, when I see myself judging myself due to postponement I stop and breath, I realize judgment is not practical nor effective, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self judgment, I take a breath and make a new list to act on it at the moment.

I commit myself to life

I commit myself to myself as life

I commit myself to day by day working towards completing that which I have decided within self direction 

to do

I commit myself to stopping the mind within self forgiveness and corrective application