Tuesday, February 12, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to reading hateful comments, within experiencing myself appalled at how can people be so evil, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I was actually existing in fear of having such comments being directed towards me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid expressing myself completely and totally within a fear of receiving hatful comments from people who disagree or disapprove what I stand for and express
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself in such a way that isn't 100% straight forward but rather goes around the point indirectly in order to avoid the chance of being targeted for hate speech
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within compromising my self expression due to fear of being judge and crucified for what I have to say and stand for
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to state my point directly due to fear of being exposed as a fraud, as someone that speaks the talk but doesn't walk the walk, within judging myself that how can I speak that which I still don't 100% live as myself, not realizing that it's a process and part of the process is speaking the words that will support me in living the words, as through speaking / writing the words that I am directing myself to live, I am showing myself the way, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk my process for and as myself, due to the fear of being judged, instead of standing up within and as myself and supporting myself through writing that which I am directing myself to live, until I will become it in fact as a living expression of / as myself, until I am one with the words I speak, as the living word as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged / mocked / crucified by people who don't like what I have to say, or fear / resist the message that I am sharing, within this not realizing that I am allowing myself to be directed by the fear / resistance / judgment of others instead of being self directed and walking myself in self honesty, within allowing myself to be strong and stable within myself and express myself as how I want to be, and not how I believe I am within the self limitation I have created for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as overwhelmed by the hatred I see in the comments people place on posts, and within this to allow the experience of being overwhelmed to direct me, instead of standing within and as myself and directing myself to walk within the principle of what is best for all life in equality, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contradict myself as I speak words of equality yet allow myself to be directed by the experience of fear / overwhelmingness, thus allowing myself to be inferior to such experiences, and thus to live as unequal, instead of pushing myself to equalize myself within myself and not participate in any form of inferiority as to prove to myself that inferiority of any kind is a fiction of the mind, existing only through our / my participation, and thus I realize that only through physically stopping myself form participating in any form of inequality / inferiority / superiority and pushing myself to stand within and as myself in self honesty, will inequality stand a chance to stop, but as long as I participate in it I am creating it and recreating it over and over within / as myself and thus am birthing inequality, instead of stopping and standing as life, and rebirthing myself as life from the physical, in equality and oneness as what is best for all life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself in breathing, as keeping myself here and stable within breathe when / as I face hate speech towards myself or towards others, within this, I commit myself to stop any reaction within / as the moment and to breathe until I am stable, and within stability to speak up and express myself in self honesty and common sense, to prove to myself that I can do it, that I can walk through the fear, thus proving to myself that the fear isn’t real, as it isn't physical and thus can be transcended within a breath
I realize that by suppressing myself in avoiding confrontation in fear of being judged / crucified, I am not only compromising myself, but am compromising anyone I interact with, as I am not standing as the living example as what is best for all, but am allowing myself to be directed by my fears within self interest - I realize that any change must begin with me, and thus, I commit myself to walk this point through pushing myself to comment / speak up in self honesty as what is best for all, as I commit myself to show practical common sense so all have the opportunity to see, and for me to have the opportunity to integrate it as myself, as through writing / speaking it I am supporting myself in becoming it, thus, I commit myself to support myself and others as myself in not accepting anything less than who I am, as becoming and living the example of the principle of which I speak of, a principle of equality and oneness, as bringing about a world that is best for all life
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Sunday, February 10, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admire people who are "true activists" and go out and fight against the inhumanity and abuse being inflicted on people or animals or the environment due to whatever reason, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by the appearance of them "changing the world" and within that not allowing myself to question if the time and effort they are spending on their cause is actually effective within asking myself if this cause / fight is actually addressing the core problem and issue as the source that is creating the problem to begin with, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that we have but limited time on earth, and within our limited time any minute spent not working towards an actual solution that addresses the core issues and problems of the world, is a minute wasted, and thus, I realize it is not enough to be dedicated and committed and driven within a desire to change the world, we must place our efforts in an actual solution that addresses the problem in it's totality, within this I realize that working towards anything that isn't the final solution is a waste of time and a mere distraction, as it allows the problem to continue untreated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, within wanting to make a difference, not investigate thoroughly the organizations I am participating within, and thus am not actually work towards a practical solution that will change anything effectively, but rather work towards making myself feel better through volunteering, being an activist and seeing myself as someone that is working towards a real change rather than actually doing it
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to admit to the harsh fact that by being an activist in any organization that doesn't address the source problem of this world, I am acting within self interest, so that I can define myself as a good person and place myself morally higher than others that don't care about the suffering and abuse, and thus, I separate myself from those that I have defined as indifferent or as the cause of the problem, where I see myself as part of the solution, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that separation and inequality are the source problems that manifest all other problems as mere symptom to separation and inequality, and thus, by placing myself as separate from others and morally higher than others I am in fact contributing to the problem rather to the solution, as I am living out the very construct of separation and inequality within and as myself, and thus am giving my permission for separation and inequality to carry on in any aspect and form within this reality, and thus through participating in separation and inequality I am accepting and allowing all separation and inequality to exist within this world, and thus allowing and accepting all the outcomes and consequences as flow out from this starting point we all exist as, as separation and inequality
I realize that the only way to change anything within and as this world is through learning to live as equal and one, both within self and within one's relationships and environment - thus I realize that any solution that doesn't include both correcting self and the world system to exist as the living expression of oneness and equality isn't an effective solution, thus I realize that the answer to the worlds problems, which we have all created and accepted, must be on both levels as on an individual level and the world system level - anything less is unacceptable because within anything less there is compromise and thus an acceptance that the problem cannot really be solved - but, in realizing that this compromise is based in fear and past / future projections, one must see that it is not based on reality, and thus, is not valid - as the physical reality shows us - change takes a physical movement, not a belief or hope, but simply walking in the direction necessary, in dedication and commitment and change will be inevitable.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that without investigating and understanding what I am doing, how can I trust that I am actually doing anything worth while from the perspective that it is actually working towards changing reality for the better through solving the source problem and not merely placing a plaster to momentarily feel better while the actual problem goes unattended
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize, that similar to a disease in the body, when it is not treated affectively it escalates and will end up causing more pain and suffering, while only a source solution as within finding the actual cause and reason for the problem, and attending to it specifically will make it better, I realize that the actual treatment of the sick body may be painful and take more time than merely taking pain killers or superficial antibiotics, but within this I realize I must be patient and consistent because it is basic common sense, that we must solve the problems from the root, or else the root will get stronger and the problem will get worse.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to admire those who are activists and go out and fight for the causes they believe in, though I haven't considered their actual starting point and within this, I haven't considered the actual goals of the organization they are fighting for, I have not allowed myself to see the entire picture within it's full context - thus, I have been allowing myself to admire an idea, an illusion
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have been admiring the character I see in them as being diligent, consistent and dedicated, and not them per say, as these are aspects that I have not discovered within myself yet and have not allowed myself to express and explore as myself, as these are aspects within myself that I have been suppressing in fear of standing up and taking self responsibility, and thus have not allowed myself to exist as them in equality, but rather I have defined myself as inadequate and incapable of such characters, and thus admire them when I see them in others.
The only solution worth fighting for is one that actually addresses all points that are the core cause for all other problems which manifest as symptoms of the core problem we must solved - this being the manifestation of inequality and separation, as the desire for power, control, greed - all created within a system that promotes and thrives on inequality, and reward greed and corruption, within a corrupted form of capitalism which we have learned to believe is the manifestation of freedom, when in fact it is the chamber of enslavement - as we are all enslaved to fear of survival instead of living as kings and queens in the earthly kingdom, while a small elite are playing monopoly with our lives, feeding us with illusions through the media that is owned by them, to buy products owned by them, to vote for politicians owned by them, promoting war, hate, fear all to keep us in our enslaved ignorance - this is the one point worth addressing, because within it, we will see that all the other problems of this world are linked to this one point - this is why Equal Money Capitalism (EMC) is the only organization / movement that is actually addressing all points, from unemployment, to health care, to education, to the weapon industry, to corruption in politics, to brain washing in advertisements , to accepted media manipulation, to animal abuse, to pollution, to sweat shops, to child abuse - the list of problems is too long to mention, yet you will see, if you dare to investigate self honestly, that EMC is the only proposal that addresses all points, as it is directed by one principle, the principle of Equality and Oneness as What is Best for ALL LIFE – Only within this principle can all problems actually be addressed, solved and corrected effectively, while considering all aspect, all people, and all parts of the equation of LIFE.
To research equal money capitalism, here are some links:
http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot.com/
http://mayaprocess.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_18.html
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Friday, February 8, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
in this blog i speak of the relationship towards neighbors, where neighbors can be anyone in our environment, anyone we have created a relationship towards – who ever is beyond the imaginary line we drew in our minds as the defining border of ourselves, thus, our neighbor is that which we see as “them”, “the other” – in many cases our neighbor is that which we blame, that which we envy, that which we fear…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear towards my neighbors, within an experience of having to protect and defend myself within the belief that they are only looking out for their own interest and will inevitably hurt me if it serves their interest
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of my neighbors, within expecting them to express their inherent evil, while believing myself to be "the good one" as I see myself as innocent, not realizing that I too have been existing within self interest as I've been wanting to fulfill my own self interest no matter what the price may be, thus disregarding my neighbors within not considering them in my equation of my wants, needs and desires, but only seeing me and myself, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I fear within my neighbors that which exists within and as myself, that which I have been hiding form myself, as to be able to maintain the self definition I have of myself, of being good and innocent, while believing they are evil and self interest, thus, separating myself form them in creating a polarity, building up a fence to protect me from them, not realizing that as long as that which I fear exists within me, no fence will be able to protect me, I must face my own evil and walk a process of self correction, within this I realize that only through correcting myself within self forgiveness will I be able to see my neighbors as my equals and be able to find practical livable ways to co-exist with them in harmony that will be an actual physical manifestation of the principle of love thy neighbor as thy self
The principle "love thy neighbor as thy self" is an expression of the principle of equality as the law of balance which is guiding existence - realizing equality as the ultimate law that governs our reality gives us insight and understanding into ourselves within and as the physical reality in which we exist within - within this understanding, I realize that as long as I don't love myself truly and unconditionally I cannot love my neighbor - due to the principle of equality implying that as within so without - within this, the reverse is equally true - where, as long as I fear my neighbor I am showing myself that in fact I fear myself, that I exist in separation of myself to such an extent that I fear facing the totality of who I am, this being reflected to me by my separation that I exist within towards my neighbor, not allowing myself to see them as the totality of who they are as equal living beings as myself - thus, neighborly conflict is an indication of inner conflict and thus an invitation for self introspection - realizing that reality exist as a reflection of ourselves, allows us to see that all our relationships towards anything or anyone external to us is a reflection, a mirroring, of our relationship with ourselves
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize that the friction and conflict I have within and towards my neighbors is indicating a point of inner conflict and friction within myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of investigating myself in self honesty as to find myself within myself, to align myself with the true nature of myself as the principle of equality, I have allowed myself to place blame, hatred and fear towards my neighbor, thus separating myself from them that much further, and within that separating myself from myself as well, sabotaging my opportunity to self realize, expand and grow, into an actual living human being, to transform myself from the organic robot that I exist as, as I've been following my self interest, in separation, regardless of the harm and abuse I create as consequences, and into a living being that exist in inner harmony within living the expression of "man, know thyself" and within knowing myself, accepting myself unconditionally through removing anything that is in contradiction to life, as the expression of equality, and within removing all contradictions, becoming one within and as myself, to then realize myself as one with all that is here, as nature, humanity and existence as a whole - thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize equality as the true expression of myself and instead I have been following my mind in separation, thus equalizing myself to all that which I judge and blame as the cause of suffering and pain, instead of equalizing myself to that which is the solution for all the suffering and pain, which is that which is best for all life, practically, as a living expression, in every moment, of every breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear my neighbors, beyond the countries borders, within believing they want to harm me, take my land, take my jobs, and destroy me altogether in an endless war, while not stopping for a moment and questioning myself, as investigating my own self responsibility, within realizing that "it takes two to tango" and thus, the conflict and friction I experience as blame towards my neighbor countries, is never one sided, and as long as I blame the others, I realize I am not standing within my responsibility of correcting myself unconditionally, not as a response to them changing first, but as an act of self honesty, within realizing that as long as I, as my country, don't stand as self responsibility, I cannot expect another to stand in their responsibility, I cannot expect for one to do that which I am not applying as myself. And thus, I realize that the only way to create change is to actually be the change unconditionally and without expectation or rewards, and within that to live as the living example of taking self responsibility.
I realize there is actually a inevitable reward within taking self responsibility, as it is the only way to stop the inner conflict, thus, regardless of the outcome, I realize that standing in self responsibility, in self honesty, is the only possible way to have inner peace, and that is the first step towards having external peace - within this, I realize that the outflow as what I see manifest in my reality is the consequence of the past, and thus, the change must be an equal accumulation towards that which is best for all in equality, for it actually to become a reality - I say this as to not lose hope or motivation within expecting the change to be immediate - I realize it too us many many many years to create this mess to such a extent, and it will take us many years to correct ourselves, both on an individual level as each of walk the process of self forgiveness and on the world level as we change and correct the world system to align it with the principle of equality, so that we can exist in inner peace, and so can the world and existence as a whole.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
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Thursday, February 7, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept unquestionably the information I receive through the main stream media and from social conversations / gossip / arguments, instead of allowing myself to investigate the points through cross referencing with other forms of media to allow myself to become aware and see the entire picture as what is actually going on in the world around me, and thus, to take responsibility for myself within and as the world / reality I live in and to within that take responsibility for the world as myself, instead of blindly placing my trust in the media to present accurate and unbiased informational facts, and in the governments to work within the best interest of the people as humanity and the world as one, and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to actually know what is going on around me in the world / country I live in, and within that to abdicate my responsibility to act on it, thus, stepping back and away from my responsibility of fully participating in life, as my responsibility of being an informed, active and contributing human being, as a citizen of the world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a bubble, where I do not listen to the news as to not hear about the problems that are going on around me, from a starting point of "it doesn't concern me, I don't really care" and thus, to allow myself to deliberately exist in ignorance as I ignore what is going on all around me, as a reflection of that which I am allowing to go on within myself and am ignoring and suppressing myself just as I am ignoring and suppressing the problems of the world in order to continue one more day to exist in my bubble of comfort , as I pretend that what doesn't effect me directly or that I don't know - doesn't concern me, while in fact, by deliberately not informing myself I am placing my vote for anything to go on as it is, as if saying everything is cool the way it is, while knowing in self honesty that it is far from ok, both within myself and without as the world system, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore in ignorance all the abuse and suffering because I believe it doesn't concern me because I have created a comfortable life for myself, and myself alone, within existing in the bubble of illusions separate from what is really here as the physical reality, and within it I don't want to inconvenience myself with the problems of others, as well as my own inner problems, thus , I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a bubble isolated from the world as the physical reality that is shared by all equally and is created by all equally and thus is the responsibility of all equally, as well as existing in isolation from myself in suppression, not wanting to face the nastiness of myself just as I don't want to face the nastiness of the world, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as "ignorance is bliss", when in fact, in self honesty I know that there is nothing blissful about the physical reality as it currently exists as, which I have allowed in my silence, as well as there is nothing blissful about my self experience, beyond and beneath the act of comfortability.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I'm not part of the solution I am part of the problem within giving my permission in my self interest silence, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow atrocities to exist as I give them permission by not standing up to stop them in the justification that "I am not aware / capable / knowledgeable enough to do anything about it anyway and thus let me let others that are more qualified than me to take care of this world, while I sit in my comfortable life in ignorance", within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by giving my permission to atrocities to continue undisturbed, I am responsible for them, and from that perspective they do indeed concern me, they concern me from a perspective that within self honesty I know that I am allowing and accepting them to continue, within self honesty I know I much more capable and able to do something, speak up, writing a blog, and thus, within self honesty I know as I am doing nothing, that I am doing it within self interest, and thus, within self honesty I know the shame I am to experience when I allow myself to ask myself why did I do nothing? Why did I allow this? Why did I abdicate my responsibility and chose the easy / self interest way out through deliberate ignorance?
Thus, I realize that when abuse is taking place I can either stand equal to the abuse in self interest, or I can stand equal to life - where standing equal to the abuse can take the form of deliberate participation or deliberate ignorance as both allow the abuse to continue undisturbed, where as standing up equal to and as life, in standing up for life, I would take all measures necessary to expose and stop the abuse, to change the system so that such abuse will no longer be seen as accepted or justified, and to change myself into the living expression of life, as oneness and equality, in being a living example as living within and as the principle of what is best for all life, thus, not allowing myself to hide from the news in deliberate ignorance, but to inform myself, to educate myself, to take responsibility for myself, to no longer see myself as less than the world events but realize that I am in fact one and equal to all that is happening in the world, and in every breath I have a choice if to live this breath accumulating myself as deliberate ignorance as I ignore the abusive nature of this reality, or I can chose to accumulate myself as a responsible being that is working towards a solution, both within myself and without as the world system as a whole.
When and as I see myself go into an experience of resistance towards reading the news, within experiencing myself as not interested / bored / don't care / couldn't be bothered / "I have better and more important things to do" / "I don't know anything about politics I will not understand" - or any other excuse and justification to not take the time to inform myself of what is happening in the world around me - I stop myself and breathe - I realize that I must inform myself as to what is happening in the world around me which I am a part of and equal to, and responsible for whether I am aware of what is going on or not, through deliberately allowing myself to live in a bubble of ignorance, thus, I commit myself to become informed with world events, through reading daily news articles from different sources, I commit myself to educate myself through reading, investigating and cross referencing points of knowledge as to have a wide and unbiased perspective which will then allow me to be able to work towards solutions, within realizing that I must open my eyes and ears in order to know what is actually physically here as the problems of this world, in order to assist in finding practical and livable solutions that can be implemented in the physical reality as to assist humanity as myself to walk a process of correction from the abusive nature we exist as into a corrected, improved and perfected nature of self support, as an expression of "love thy neighbor", as living and expressing in every moment the principle of what is best for all life equally.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
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Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I saw a photo on facebook today, a notification written by an organization that is dedicated to expose the inhumane activity that has been going on in the west bank in the past several years - This kind of exposure, that this organization is involved with, is valuable and vital to continue, due to the local media being bias, and thus doesn't reflect to the people of Israel the actual brutality that the Palestinians endure and go through, day in and day out. And so, the people of Israel are not fully aware of the atrocities that are taking place in our back yard, and whenever a piece of information does manage to slip through the veil of pro-Israeli propaganda and censorship, it is dismissed and justified within the fear that has been pumped into us and accepted as the truth of our reality and who we are.
I was appalled to read the hateful and spiteful comments beneath the photo, comment after comment, all condemning this organization, blaming them for being anti-Israel, blaming them for only fighting for the rights and well being of the Palestinians while Israelis have it rough as well, as Israelis have been living in danger and fear as well - it's an ridicules comparison - comparing the life of an average Israeli to the life of an average Palestinian - how ignorant and not aware of the physical reality one must be to stand behind such a comparison?
As I was reading their comments, it was obvious that these people are brainwashed, and have lost touch with the physical reality, they have lost the basic understanding that before and beyond us being separated by countries and politics, we are all human beings, they have lost the recognition that there are not monsters and demons on the other side of the fence , but people, flesh and blood, families and communities - people with names and hobbies, children that express the joy of laughter, mothers who care for their daughters, fathers who want to protect their families, educators who want the best for their students, doctors who want to heal the sick and injured, friends who want to sped time and enjoy each other - they, the haters, have forgotten that they, the Palestinians, are just like us, the Israelis - all they want is to live a happy and fulfilling life, though, within this situation, they are defending themselves, living in fear, living in hatred based on the past, based on what their leaders and media tell them, based on their daily experience, as they are living in a controlled war zone, surrounded by a hostile army, as well as surrounded by terror organizations that take shelter in their kitchens or schools… They have such uncomfortable living conditions, to say the least, but they are mainly guilty of the same crime we are, they are trying to survive - where as, all these haters that wrote the comments, are so caught up in their own fears and beliefs that they cannot see straight and actually consider the situation in common sense, within seeing all it's complicated aspects - all they can see has been cluttered and distorted by hate and fear.
The situation in Israel / Palestine is complex, and every minute that it continues unresolved makes the tare between the people bigger, and thus the situation harder to mend - but, up till today I thought the problem was a political one, not a personal one, and so, what I found most troubling today, is the comments, written by "my own people", comments full of hate, anger, rage and revenge - towards the Palestinians, and towards the organization who dares to stand up to protect the basic human right to a dignified and fulfilled life, obviously within exposing the insensitivity and unnecessary abuse Israel is participating within and directing for long enough.
I realize that finding a practical solution that is best for all might take time, negotiation, investigation, understanding, compassion, forgiveness - I realize there isn't a magic solution to a problem that has been compounding and perpetuation for so many years, I understand there are many points of view and it might take patience and perseverance to walk through all the options and actually find a solution, I even realize that there are political agendas to keep the situation going - I understand it's going to be hard, but I always knew it can be done - today, as I was reading the comments I experienced despair, I lost hope, I couldn't see beyond their hateful words, I couldn't see how any peace will even be possible if this is what's infesting the minds of people - how will there ever be a solution if this is how people see each other and look at the situation?
It took me a while to snap out if this experience, I was assisted by friends through talking the point out, and I realized that I have been fooling myself in several levels - I had made "them", the haters, into the problem, as I've abdicated my own self responsibility within accepting and allowing the world system to be as it is, as I've always knew about the situation but preferred to let others handle it, not standing up within and as myself, but instead I've been a silent observer, as a silent partner to all that has been going on around me. I have separated myself from them, the haters, in blame and self righteousness, and thus participating in exactly that which I blame them for, as I have been towards them as they are towards the Palestinians, existing within / as a polarity as I am the "good" and they are the "bad" instead of seeing the situation as it's physicality, no judgments, no blame, no polarities, no rights or wrongs. I have allowed myself to take their comments personally and to become emotional, overwhelmed in despair, which I realize is just another mind trick to keep me from breathing, from being here in equality and oneness within and as myself, keeping me from finding practical common sense solutions, towards solving and correcting myself within creating myself as the foundation for a solution / correction on a greater scale. I realize that, within the experience of giving up, within the experience of desperation I have been distracting myself from taking any physical action, even if the only action that I can practically do is to remain here in breath, it would be more effective, more supportive, more practical and more physical than going into the mind in the energy of an emotional reaction…
How easy it is to point figures and blame those that express their inner demons while I hide my inner demons disguised as self righteousness, judgment and blame, believing myself to be a better person, while actually proving to myself that we are in fact all the same, and thus we must always find ways to support ourselves and each other, and not turn to spitefulness and blame, as I've so easily done, just as they do towards the Palestinians
I realize that I don't know how and why they became to be hates, I don't know their life story, yet I judge them, and view them only through the lens of the few words I read, becoming narrow minded towards them, ignoring the multidimensionality of them and seeing them as only one thing "racist haters", just as they see the Palestinians.
I realize that my responsibility at this moment is to breathe, to remain stable, to write myself out and forgive myself when / as I see myself going into reaction such as I've experienced today, my responsibility is to express common sense when / as I can, as a form of self support and within that realizing that maybe someone will see the common sense and will start questioning their beliefs and their judgments, I realize that my responsibility is to live as an example of the principle of equality and oneness, and thus, my responsibility is to make sure that all that I participate within is aligned with equality and oneness as what is best for all, in equal consideration of all - I see today that the road is going to be a long one, I see how easy it is to judge and divert my focus on others, while participating in the exact same construct I blame them for - I realize that as long as I allow myself to be moved and directed by the mind I am equal to them from that perspective, as they too are being directed by their minds - thus, only through actual self change will I ever be able to support another to change, only through self correction will I be able to understand the path one has ahead towards self correction - until then, all I can do is humbly walk my process, in breath, in writing, in self forgiveness, one step at a time.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, February 3, 2013
This is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
Day 152 - Inadequacy – Preparing Food – Part 3 – Farm Chicken
Day 153 - Inadequacy – Creativity – Part 1
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a self belief that I am not creative
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my expression based on the self belief that I am not creative.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my expression as bad / inadequate and thus within the self judgment to believe that I am not creative and am incapable of creativity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define creativity to a very narrow range of expressions, and within not seeing myself as good at any of these expressions, such as drawing, painting, writing, sculpting, I have defined myself as not creative, and within this have limited myself from expressing myself in any form of what I define as creative
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within believing that I'm not creative, to avoid from expressing myself in any way that I've defined as creative within fear of judgment, as I knew within myself, as a future projection, that I would be judged and thus I never allowed myself to try and express myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that creativity as self expression is not defined as right and wrong, and thus cannot be judged, and that any form of judgment is based on the construct of the social system we exist within as a reflection of our society and ourselves as the mind, but it, the judgment, isn't in fact real, because creative self expression is not limited to how or what society has defined as creative, it is in fact any thing we do in self expression, as in self expression we are creating something new based on who and what we are in this very moment, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my self expression because I wanted to fit into what society has defined as creative, and thus, within knowing that my expression doesn't fit this definition I have made the decision to suppress myself and never expose any thing that could be seen as creative, thus not allowing myself to express myself unconditionally within simply enjoying myself within my self expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define creativity according to a starting point of judgment, instead of realizing that creativity is derived from creation, and thus any thing that one does if done from a starting point of self expression is creative, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my self expression due to the narrow definition I have given creativity, within allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear of judgment, within defining myself on a polarity scale of good and bad, better and worse, and thus, within defining creativity as good / bad, I have judged and defined my own self expression as what I do as creativity on the "bad" scale, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and see that I have created this chain of events as I have unquestionably accepted societies definition of creativity, along with the judgments I have placed on creativity as good or bad, I have accepted the judgments as truth and defined myself accordingly within believing I am not capable of "good" creativity and thus limited myself and have not allowed myself to express myself within anything I have defined as creative due to accepting and believing the future projection of failing, being bad, and being judged for it, to direct and control and restrict and limit me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and within doing so to define myself as inadequate, instead of seeing what I can learn from them within a process of expansion within equality, and thus asking them to show me and help me improve my skill instead of deeming myself to believe I am less than and can never live up to their level of talent, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the easy way out, as I have allowed myself to compare myself and defined myself as less than but have not allowed myself to push myself to improve and expand within putting in the effort and actually moving myself as self support to expand beyond my current limits thus accepting my own limitations and then whining about it within my back chat and internal conversations because I truly believed myself to be less than and inadequate, instead of seeing that I have not even tried, and only within trying will I know what I can or can’t do, what I am more naturally inclined to do, and what I enjoy doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support this self belief through comparing myself to others that I see as more creative than me and then, within comparison I am less than, and thus believe I am incapable of ever being at "their" level of creativity, which is a self sabotaging belief as it causes me to back off from life, as I allow it to direct me to not express myself, not put myself out there and basically exist in self suppression because I have created a self belief that my self expression is not worth expressing, based on fear of judgment as I have allowed myself to be directed by fear of judgment, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within cautious and fear instead of allowing myself to live freely as myself as self expression within and as breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the self belief of inadequacy in regards to creativity and to project it onto all aspects of my life, as I have used it to prove myself as inadequate as the general personality / character of myself, as I've used it as another proof that I am worthless, instead of seeing it as it is, as some people are more inclined to do some things and some things may come easier to some people – I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it only seen as worthless in a world where competition is the only value and that the only thing that is worthy is only “the best”, within a scale of judgment that is accepted in that world within society as we know and accept it - but I haven't consider and allowed myself to see that such a world is a world not worth living in, as it doesn't support all expressions and all beings equally - I would rather live in a world where expression is not judged as better or worse by a specific scale that is changeable as it doesn't really define what is real, and instead create a world that supports all expressions within the principle of equality and oneness, as all expressions when coming from a starting point of self, are equally valid, and equally contributing to our world - we can never know where the next cool idea will come from, we can never know where the next breakthrough or fundamental solution will be found - thus, by limiting ourselves within our self expression due to judgments and competition, we are restricting and preventing many opportunities of growth for all of us as humanity, and for the individual that is existing in suppression and fear of judgment.
This isn't the world I want to live in, yet I have been allowing myself to participate in the very construct that creates it the way it is - thus, I stop. I commit myself to walk through my accepted self judgment through writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, I commit myself to investigate all points of self judgment and the suppression I have allowed within/through it, I commit myself to explore myself within self expression, and when I see a point of resistance within fear I commit myself to investigate the point and correct myself within and as the physical. I commit myself to stop myself within and as breath when I see myself going into judgment towards other people's expression as I realize that by judging them I am creating a fear within myself towards being judged, as well as I am not living the principle of give as you would like to receive, thus I commit myself to investigate all point I judge other people's expression and within a process of bringing it back to myself, to see the point in clarity and correct myself within it, as I change myself in alignment as what is best for all
I commit myself to give myself some time during the week and explore myself within sketching as a point of self support, as sketching within and as breath, within directing myself to learn to enjoy myself within it and to stop the judgment that come up towards what I do, I realize that I'm not doing this to achieve a "pretty" result, but instead from a starting point of letting go the self judgment and allowing myself to simply utilize another form of self expression as a point of self expansion as self support
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Saturday, February 2, 2013
This is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
Day 152 - Inadequacy – Preparing Food – Part 3 – Farm Chicken
Since I was a child I "knew" about myself that I'm not creative, not talented in the arts and crafts. My sister was, my best friends were, and I wasn't.
I remember drawing in class at school, and always feeling frustrated when I would compare my stick like images to my friend's realistic and accurate drawings, it has always been an accepted joke between us friends, mocking me for drawing these round faces and stick like figures, all very symmetrical, no creativity whatsoever. Back home it was the same, my sister never made fun of me but she could draw and doodle so nicely, she would paint on the walls of her room and I was always jealous of her talent, comparing myself to her and knowing within myself that I could never do anything as pretty as that.
The lack of talent I saw myself as, included not liking my hand writing, and of course I compared myself to my sister and my friends, which had such nice and "girly" hand writing where as I had messy and unclear hand writing, like a boy's. So basically any form of artistic / creative expression using my hands as tools I would judge as less than those around me, and condemned myself to believe I am inadequate.
Years have gone by since that drawing class memory or since my sister doodled on her walls, though I still held on to this self belief of being inadequate when it comes to creativity within any form of artistic self expression through using my hands, as drawing, writing, painting, sculpting - anything that I had packed up in the definition of creativity -it didn't include crafts that I didn't define as creative such as sawing or hammering or cutting, with such crafts / skills I didn't have that self believed inadequacy, it was very specific to anything I defined as creative and girly. It's like I've taken anything that I define as creative / artistic and girly, put it in a locked box, and threw away the key - truly believing that I don't have any access to such expressions.
A few years ago I decided to walk through this self belief because I saw everybody around me enjoying themselves through self expression creativity such as drawing - it looked fun when other people were doing it and I saw that I was limiting myself based on self judgment and that I actually never really gave it a real chance, so I went to a 6 meeting sketch class to learn the basic skill and maybe allow myself to open up to the point - I just wanted to learn to enjoy myself through drawing, I didn't want or expect to be any good at it, I just wanted to be free of this self judgment that has been preventing me from enjoying myself through drawing .
During the class I still participated in lots of self judgment based in comparison and competition, but there were moments, when I let it go and just allowed myself to sketch, and I remember this one time I was sketching a pine cone and it suddenly popped out from the paper and came to life, it was so awesome, I couldn't believe it - I had done it, I broke the "I can't draw to save my life" character, as I have finally proved it wrong.
A few weeks later I drew my "master piece"- I copied a photograph of a child's face from a book, and when I was done and put down the pencil, I couldn't believe I drew it, I put it on my wall and stared at it, I could have easily convinced myself that a spirit came through me and drew it, because "I could never have done something so nice" - I realize that even though I broke the character, I actually didn't - being able to draw was so out of character for me, that I couldn't take it in as myself, I experienced it like an inner conflict between my self belief and this picture hanging on my wall - of course I don't believe some spirit drew it through me, and I realize it was in fact me who made that sketch, but the experience was of disbelief, like a form of shock, I couldn't really accept that I did that, within it I also experience a form of doubt as to whether I could ever repeat it again. I did try drawing since then, but didn't give myself the time to do it properly and then I just lost interest - I think there was / is a fear within me that I end up proving to myself over and over that my self belief was wrong, that I am not inadequate - I wasn't ready to let go of this point of inadequacy, so I didn't continue drawing and kept on to the belief that I can't.
In the last 10 years I've had some experience with working with children, and even though generally speaking I am confidence in working with them, when it comes to creativity the experience of inadequacy still takes me over, and I sabotage myself through not creating the posters / signs / activities within the justification that I am incapable of doing them properly, if any task requires any level of creativity I still, to this day, allow the experience and self belief of inadequacy to direct and control me and I do anything to avoid doing it. "I don't want to do it", because I still "know" it will turn out bad, I am left frustrated that doing such tasks is a part of the job - I still compare myself to others that creativity comes easily to them, I then project the comparison and experience of inadequacy onto the entire job, and compound it into believing that I am not fit to work with children because I am not creative enough.
I will continue with self forgiveness tomorrow
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