Tuesday, February 12, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to reading hateful comments, within experiencing myself appalled at how can people be so evil, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I was actually existing in fear of having such comments being directed towards me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid expressing myself completely and totally within a fear of receiving hatful comments from people who disagree or disapprove what I stand for and express
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself in such a way that isn't 100% straight forward but rather goes around the point indirectly in order to avoid the chance of being targeted for hate speech
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself within compromising my self expression due to fear of being judge and crucified for what I have to say and stand for
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to state my point directly due to fear of being exposed as a fraud, as someone that speaks the talk but doesn't walk the walk, within judging myself that how can I speak that which I still don't 100% live as myself, not realizing that it's a process and part of the process is speaking the words that will support me in living the words, as through speaking / writing the words that I am directing myself to live, I am showing myself the way, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk my process for and as myself, due to the fear of being judged, instead of standing up within and as myself and supporting myself through writing that which I am directing myself to live, until I will become it in fact as a living expression of / as myself, until I am one with the words I speak, as the living word as myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being judged / mocked / crucified by people who don't like what I have to say, or fear / resist the message that I am sharing, within this not realizing that I am allowing myself to be directed by the fear / resistance / judgment of others instead of being self directed and walking myself in self honesty, within allowing myself to be strong and stable within myself and express myself as how I want to be, and not how I believe I am within the self limitation I have created for myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as overwhelmed by the hatred I see in the comments people place on posts, and within this to allow the experience of being overwhelmed to direct me, instead of standing within and as myself and directing myself to walk within the principle of what is best for all life in equality, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to contradict myself as I speak words of equality yet allow myself to be directed by the experience of fear / overwhelmingness, thus allowing myself to be inferior to such experiences, and thus to live as unequal, instead of pushing myself to equalize myself within myself and not participate in any form of inferiority as to prove to myself that inferiority of any kind is a fiction of the mind, existing only through our / my participation, and thus I realize that only through physically stopping myself form participating in any form of inequality / inferiority / superiority and pushing myself to stand within and as myself in self honesty, will inequality stand a chance to stop, but as long as I participate in it I am creating it and recreating it over and over within / as myself and thus am birthing inequality, instead of stopping and standing as life, and rebirthing myself as life from the physical, in equality and oneness as what is best for all life.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself in breathing, as keeping myself here and stable within breathe when / as I face hate speech towards myself or towards others, within this, I commit myself to stop any reaction within / as the moment and to breathe until I am stable, and within stability to speak up and express myself in self honesty and common sense, to prove to myself that I can do it, that I can walk through the fear, thus proving to myself that the fear isn’t real, as it isn't physical and thus can be transcended within a breath
I realize that by suppressing myself in avoiding confrontation in fear of being judged / crucified, I am not only compromising myself, but am compromising anyone I interact with, as I am not standing as the living example as what is best for all, but am allowing myself to be directed by my fears within self interest - I realize that any change must begin with me, and thus, I commit myself to walk this point through pushing myself to comment / speak up in self honesty as what is best for all, as I commit myself to show practical common sense so all have the opportunity to see, and for me to have the opportunity to integrate it as myself, as through writing / speaking it I am supporting myself in becoming it, thus, I commit myself to support myself and others as myself in not accepting anything less than who I am, as becoming and living the example of the principle of which I speak of, a principle of equality and oneness, as bringing about a world that is best for all life
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