Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories - Correction

for context please read my previous blogs:

Day 160 – A life changing Decision

Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life

Day 162 - Running ahead of myself

Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness

Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived

I have written about this memory some more - here I am highlighting some key sentences I extracted from my writings, and will address them to support myself within this journey

 

"I didn’t feel comfortable selling these products to people because I hadn't used them and could only recommend them based on the recommendations I got from those who sold them to me" - what would be the correction in such a case? How can I support myself to prevent from this point to reoccur? - so make sure I can speak for myself because I have tested it out for myself and have actually seen the results - thus - I commit myself to actually apply myself by using the program and testing it out for myself, within this I realize that products can be sold without the sales persona testing them out for themselves, like if it's for a specific condition - this doesn't mean that the salesperson cannot stand by the product in confidence - thus, I realize I must ask for more and more stories / verifications stating that this product is valid and effective - I realize I must come to a point of actually trusting that I am presenting these people with something that will benefit them, to do so I realize the best way would be to walk the point for myself and learn from first hand the validity / effectiveness of the program, this, in order to stand by / behind what I say, within the principle of "prevention is the best cure" as I would be preventing the back chat and moral points that may come up and sabotage me - thus, the point of prevention is to be stable and clear in regards to the product before I start selling it, and within this, to realize that this stability will only grow as long as I keep moving - so this too is a point of process - within this also the point of not allowing myself to be directed by the back chat and self doubt that may come up - I breathe and continue, to the next and next and next - every time learning from myself, how did I present it, what questions did they have, what did I not know to answer, and from there to investigate, to find out and become that much more clear in regards to the point.

 

"another difficulty is that I took all rejections personally" - I realize that if someone doesn't want to product it's fine, it's isn't personal and isn’t a failure - what I must do is investigate what I have done and what I can do better, how I can learn from the experience and perfect myself for the next time - I direct myself to take full responsibility, I check myself - did I react to anything, did I participate in thoughts the previous day, I deliberately find all points I can take responsibility for so that I can be in control of the situation and direct myself more effectively the next time - still within realizing that not all people will buy the product - I am presenting them with an opportunity that will benefit them, they will either take it or not. It is their process as well, all I can do is present them with a supportive tool as a point of prevention - if they take it or not is up to them.

 

"I couldn't approach people because I feared them rejecting the idea / product / opportunity" when I experience myself going into fear of rejection - I stop and breathe, I realize that being rejected cannot hurt me unless I let it, I realize that if I allow myself to be directed by the rejection in fear of failure I will in fact manifest for myself the very failure I fear, because it's common sense that I must push through the fear / resistance and keep on going until I get to the one that will buy the product / idea, if I stop before hand I am failing myself - I realize that I cannot fail if I just keep on walking, learning and pushing through the resistance one breath at a time - I can only fail if I stop pushing, stop walking, stop trying.

 

"I failed because I didn't have any tools to support me" - now I do, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame myself for failing, not taking into consideration that I didn't have the tools to support myself through the difficulties - but now I do, I have writing, I have breathing, I have self forgiveness, I realize that all mind participation as justification or self blame is always going to end up hurting me, as it has in the past, through self sabotage as not valuing myself, not believing I am worthy and so on - thus, any thoughts / back chat that are not supporting me, I know are self sabotage and I will not allow myself to participate in any thought / back chat that is anything but self support - and I realize that as long as this back chat is coming up it is showing me who I still am allowing myself to exist as - thus, I must investigate and clear myself from the past, let go all memories that have defined me as a unworthy failure - only through forgiveness and letting go, through investigating myself in self honesty, humbleness and self embracement - will I be able to stop the mind as self sabotage and start living effectively as self expression, as life. Within this, I also realize it is a point of simply stopping participation - thus ,when thoughts / back chat of self victimization come up, I stop them immediately and breathe, I do not allow myself to entertain myself within / as them. when and as I experience myself in need of support, I stop myself and breath, and go ask for help / assistance / support - I realize people have done what I'm doing, they have faced what I am facing and thus, can assist me - it is my responsibility to find the tools / assistance necessary for me to keep on walking.

"the memory is of me not being able to push through, and within it fear of what if again I will not be able to push through" I realize it is up to me, it is always only up to me to push through - thus, if I see myself not pushing through I must stop and investigate, and make a decision - am I going to allow myself to abuse myself in self sabotage, am I going to allow myself to diminish myself through not pushing through, to prove to myself that I am unworthy - or, am I going to stand up within and as myself, commit myself to myself, make the decision to walk one breath at a time, one step at a time - and for each and every one and single step, I take the decision again, and again and again - until I have pushed the resistance away, until I have proven to myself that I am stronger than the resistance that I have created.

 

"I didn't want to go into it alone" I realize I must be willing to walk this alone - I realize that as long as I am dependent on the desire of having a partner I am in fact doing so from a starting point of fear, as I don't trust myself to stand and walk alone - thus, in order to establish self trust I must allow myself to walk this alone, I must let go of the desire / expectation of having a partner, because I realize it is a point of wanting to share the responsibility and the only reason I do is because I don't yet trust myself - within this, I realize that in order to establish self trust I must be willing to jump in, and take on whatever comes my way - within realizing that I CAN do this, I can continue breathing I can continue walking - any belief that I can't is just that - a belief, it isn't actual if I don't participate with it, as it will dissipate into thin air - as long as I don't allow myself to become it and live it into the physical as my expression

 

"last time I pushed a partner to walk with me, from a starting point of fear, and they agreed to do so, but were not into it really" - this cause friction, because I expected them to be as excited as me, but they weren't - thus I realize I wanted them to be excited to validate my decision, and when I saw they were not - I couldn't stand, because I placed my ability to stand on their participation - I realize that is not practical, because as long as I place my power on other people I cannot direct myself, as I am creating myself as dependent, instead of self reliant - thus, I commit myself to refrain from putting pressure on anyone to walk this point with me, I refrain from any form of emotional manipulation, and if anyone decides to walk with me, I make sure they are really dedicated to the point , and even so, if they are, I take full responsibility, I allow myself to become the directive principle, as to stand whether or not they stand with.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being the directive principle, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea that being directive is being bossy and I have defined it in a negative way - though I realize that any judgment is of the mind and cannot be trusted - and now, as I look at the point - being directive is not negative, it is practical - it might come across some resistance, and that will contradict my desire to please everyone - so now looking at it - what is negative, Being directive or desiring to please? - as I see it now being directive is living, being directive is taking responsibility and doing what is necessary to be done, where as the desire to please is limiting, is dependent, is not actually free - I realize I must let go this point of desire to please and be liked and accepted - I realize that even though I experience the fear of loss, there isn't really anything to lose, yet so much to gain, as I would be gifting myself the gift of life - as I stop living according to others and start living as myself, allowing myself to empower myself as I stand as self directive principle

 

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1 comments:

bella said...

Thanks for sharing Maya! Been enjoying your blog posts, cool self-support shared, keep'em coming!

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