My journey to life: Day 154 - Inadequacy - Creativity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my expression as bad / inadequate and thus within the self judgment to believe that I am not creative and am incapable of creativity

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define creativity to a very narrow range of expressions, and within not seeing myself as good at any of these expressions, such as drawing, painting, writing, sculpting, I have defined myself as not creative, and within this have limited myself from expressing myself in any form of what I define as creative

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within believing that I'm not creative, to avoid from expressing myself in any way that I've defined as creative within fear of judgment, as I knew within myself, as a future projection, that I would be judged and thus I never allowed myself to try and express myself unconditionally

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that creativity as self expression is not defined as right and wrong, and thus cannot be judged, and that any form of judgment is based on the construct of the social system we exist within as a reflection of our society and ourselves as the mind, but it, the judgment, isn't in fact real, because creative self expression is not limited to how or what society has defined as creative, it is in fact any thing we do in self expression, as in self expression we are creating something new based on who and what we are in this very moment, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my self expression because I wanted to fit into what society has defined as creative, and thus, within knowing that my expression doesn't fit this definition I have made the decision to suppress myself and never expose any thing that could be seen as creative, thus not allowing myself to express myself unconditionally within simply enjoying myself within my self expression.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define creativity according to a starting point of judgment, instead of realizing that creativity is derived from creation, and thus any thing that one does if done from a starting point of self expression is creative, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my self expression due to the narrow definition I have given creativity, within allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear of judgment, within defining myself on a polarity scale of good and bad, better and worse, and thus, within defining creativity as good / bad, I have judged and defined my own self expression as what I do as creativity on the "bad" scale, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and see that I have created this chain of events as I have unquestionably accepted societies definition of creativity, along with the judgments I have placed on creativity as good or bad, I have accepted the judgments as truth and defined myself accordingly within believing I am not capable of "good" creativity and thus limited myself and have not allowed myself to express myself within anything I have defined as creative due to accepting and believing the future projection of failing, being bad, and being judged for it, to direct and control and restrict and limit me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and within doing so to define myself as inadequate, instead of seeing what I can learn from them within a process of expansion within equality, and thus asking them to show me and help me improve my skill instead of deeming myself to believe I am less than and can never live up to their level of talent, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the easy way out, as I have allowed myself to compare myself and defined myself as less than but have not allowed myself to push myself to improve and expand within putting in the effort and actually moving myself as self support to expand beyond my current limits thus accepting my own limitations and then whining about it within my back chat and internal conversations because I truly believed myself to be less than and inadequate, instead of seeing that I have not even tried, and only within trying will I know what I can or can’t do, what I am more naturally inclined to do, and what I enjoy doing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support this self belief through comparing myself to others that I see as more creative than me and then, within comparison I am less than, and thus believe I am incapable of ever being at "their" level of creativity, which is a self sabotaging belief as it causes me to back off from life, as I allow it to direct me to not express myself, not put myself out there and basically exist in self suppression because I have created a self belief that my self expression is not worth expressing, based on fear of judgment as I have allowed myself to be directed by fear of judgment, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within cautious and fear instead of allowing myself to live freely as myself as self expression within and as breath

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the self belief of inadequacy in regards to creativity and to project it onto all aspects of my life, as I have used it to prove myself as inadequate as the general personality / character of myself, as I've used it as another proof that I am worthless, instead of seeing it as it is, as some people are more inclined to do some things and some things may come easier to some people – I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it only seen as worthless in a world where competition is the only value and that the only thing that is worthy is only “the best”, within a scale of judgment that is accepted in that world within society as we know and accept it - but I haven't consider and allowed myself to see that such a world is a world not worth living in, as it doesn't support all expressions and all beings equally - I would rather live in a world where expression is not judged as better or worse by a specific scale that is changeable as it doesn't really define what is real, and instead create a world that supports all expressions within the principle of equality and oneness, as all expressions when coming from a starting point of self, are equally valid, and equally contributing to our world - we can never know where the next cool idea will come from, we can never know where the next breakthrough or fundamental solution will be found - thus, by limiting ourselves within our self expression due to judgments and competition, we are restricting and preventing many opportunities of growth for all of us as humanity, and for the individual that is existing in suppression and fear of judgment.

This isn't the world I want to live in, yet I have been allowing myself to participate in the very construct that creates it the way it is - thus, I stop. I commit myself to walk through my accepted self judgment through writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, I commit myself to investigate all points of self judgment and the suppression I have allowed within/through it, I commit myself to explore myself within self expression, and when I see a point of resistance within fear I commit myself to investigate the point and correct myself within and as the physical. I commit myself to stop myself within and as breath when I see myself going into judgment towards other people's expression as I realize that by judging them I am creating a fear within myself towards being judged, as well as I am not living the principle of give as you would like to receive, thus I commit myself to investigate all point I judge other people's expression and within a process of bringing it back to myself, to see the point in clarity and correct myself within it, as I change myself in alignment as what is best for all

I commit myself to give myself some time during the week and explore myself within sketching as a point of self support, as sketching within and as breath, within directing myself to learn to enjoy myself within it and to stop the judgment that come up towards what I do, I realize that I'm not doing this to achieve a "pretty" result, but instead from a starting point of letting go the self judgment and allowing myself to simply utilize another form of self expression as a point of self expansion as self support

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