My journey to life: Day 185 – Self Belief – “I am not Dedicated”

“I commit myself to ask myself direct questions when and as I see myself not standing as my decision, as not acting in alignment with my directive decision, and so, when and as I see myself contradicting myself, I stop myself and breathe, I ask myself why am I sabotaging myself, and I don’t move / participate with anything until I give myself a clear answer in self honesty, and so, I commit myself to push myself to not let myself off the hook, so to speak, and to actually investigate / interrogate myself within the self honest intention of understanding why, at this very moment, I am prepared to sabotage myself through acting in contradiction to my directive decision. And within this, I commit myself to walk myself hand in hand, back here, into alignment with my directive decision, aligned with common sense, aligned with self support, I commit myself to be gentle with myself yet firm and directive, I commit myself to parent myself into self alignment, and treat myself as an innocent child with compassion and care, yet to be strict with myself and push for self discipline.”

I realize that when asking myself in self honesty why am I not acting in alignment to my directive decision – there is most likely not going to be a valid answer, as all answers will probably be excuses and justifications based on self beliefs, ideas and fears, or based on desires and self interest – either way, any excuse for why am I not standing equal to the directive decision I had made, will be based in energy, and thus, as I ask myself I will be faced with a choice – will I follow the path of energy, or will I stand up for myself as life as the physical?

Taking this moment to stop and breath, and ask myself in self honesty why am I acting in contradiction to myself, is the opportunity I give myself to change the course of my action and make a decision in that moment to support myself - and so, stopping and asking myself, is actually opening a window of self awareness, which once is open I am fully responsible for my decision and action from the point on, as I have opened my own eyes in asking myself the question, I woke myself up so to speak, and now I must direct myself to stop the self sabotage patterns within having realized how destructive they are, and to stand up within myself, to allow myself to empower myself within standing as and acting in alignment to my directive decision.

I realize that part of my process is to start becoming aware of what I am doing, as I’ve noticed that so many moments throughout the day go by and I wasn’t here, moments where I am awake but am sleeping, sleep walking my life away, it’s like there is a moment where I make the decision to allow myself to lose myself in my mind, and from that moment I lose myself as I become a zombie, until something happens, and a spark of awareness comes in through the mist, and then I am faced with the next moment of decision – what now? More mind illusions or standing up?

I find that in many cases, when this moment comes and I have the opportunity to “snap out of it” I make an aware decision to stay in the mind’s illusion, i experience like there is a pull, a magnetic force, pulling me back into the mind’s illusion, drawing me into the application of abdicating my responsibility, of procrastinating what needs to be done, of sabotaging myself as the directive decision I am intending to walk, and so basically standing in contradiction to my directive decision, and as such, in contradiction to myself – it seems like the more I spend time away from myself, and in the mind in separation of myself, as the what is here as the physical, the weaker I get, and the stronger the magnetic pull is, and so the next moment when I “wake up” and am faced with the choice I am more likely to fall back into the mind – this is the moment of transformation, of self change, where I must find it within myself to stand up against the pull and resist it, as to not allow myself to be pulled back in to the self destructive and self sabotaging patterns and behaviors but instead to stand as self support / care / honor / respect – this is where asking myself why am I doing this can be supportive – because the longer I stand “outside” of the mind while asking myself a self directive question, here in awareness, here as myself as the physical, the weaker the pull of the mind is and the more chance I have to act I alignment with myself as my directive decision and not be directed by the mind’s pull so easily and automatically.

a must hear:

Accessing your Full Potential (Part 1) - Reptilian Series - 177

Accessing your Full Potential (Part 2) - Reptilian Series - 178

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