Tuesday, March 19, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait for the last minute with attending to my responsibilities
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the pattern of waiting for the last minute, whereas within this pattern I have created a self belief that I am motivated by the stress of waiting for the last minute, and thus when I have time I am not motivated / moved to attend to my responsibilities and then, when I run out of time, suddenly I am able to sit and apply myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create a elf belief regarding waiting for the last minute, as if it is a skill that one has or doesn't have, as the ability to apply oneself at a proper time, allowing self to walk the point in ease and not hurry and rush through the point, and not compromise the point within addressing it later than one should - I realize this is not a skill and thus a self belief, a self definition in regards to this point is foolish, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I lack the skill of doing things at a proper time while allowing myself the time to attend to them uncompromisingly, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create an idea that such a skill exists, that some people are able more than others to attend to their responsibilities at a proper and effective time - I realize this is not actually a skill that one has or can acquire, this is a pattern of habit and thus anyone can change within it, within understanding the "why" and "how" of the pattern, to be able to set free of the pattern and direct myself to apply myself at the most supportive and practical time.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for waiting with things for the last minute, where in I judge myself from a starting point of morality as if it is bad or wrong to wait till the last minute, thus attaching negative energy to the point / pattern, instead of seeing it simply within it's practicality no energy necessary, where I realize that waiting for the last minute isn't bad or wrong, as that is simply a judgment of the mind and is creating inner conflict and friction as a negative experience as self judgment, whereas the pattern is simply impractical, because it causes compromising the responsibility, due to the physical fact that things often take longer than planed, and other things often come up unexpectedly, things that are out of ones control, and then the little time that was left, as the last minute, is gone, and one hasn't got the time to complete effectively ones responsibility - thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for waiting for the last minute within believing it reflects having bad character from a moral starting point, instead of realizing and seeing the practicality of not waiting for the last minute and actually attending to ones responsibility in a proper time frame whenever possible, and thus not making it a point of energy as seeing it as good / bad and judging myself as good / bad according to my participation with such a pattern - instead of attaching energy simply investigating the point / pattern in common sense and coming to the conclusion that it is much more effective, self supportive and practical to do things with enough time to do them - anything else, as procrastination and waiting for the last minute is self sabotage
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the pattern of waiting for the last minute as another form of self sabotage, as a way to fall before I've fallen, as a way to fail myself instead of creating a supportive platform for myself to stand up on, I have created a myself as a pile of patterns that simply don't work, that are not practical nor effective.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to wait till the last minute as a point of self sabotage, where I use it as a way to avoid my responsibilities, where I do not admit to myself that I am trying to avoid them, but rather convince myself that it's ok to do just some more other things as time goes by, and take care of my responsibility later and later until it comes to a point of "it's now or never / tomorrow" and then I will either do it or I won't, and thus, have allowed the pattern of waiting to the last minute to escalade into procrastination where I plan doing it but wait to the last minute and then in some cases end up not getting to it
Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as indifferent, where I act like I don't care much about the responsibility or the result of my efforts, though in fact, when I miss a dead line, or have to compromise my work / responsibility in order make it on time - I am not in fact indifferent, I am not care free, when missing a dead line or compromising a project within the reason of not giving myself enough time as waiting for the last minute - I have allowed myself to go into guilt and self judgment and pretty much experience it as a bad experience - and thus, I realize that waiting for the last minute is simply not of self support but rather self abusive, because the result is clear as self compromise, where it is a step in the path of back chat / avoidance / self judgment / guilt
I realize that the distractions of the mind always focus on "now", instead of looking at ones actions in practicality and making a directive decision, not based on ones momentary desires but on common sense as the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all - i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the back chat:"do what you want now, enjoy yourself now ,forget the consequences, disregard the outflow, and just focus on what you want to do now" - when I have proven to myself time and time again, that the consequences are pre known and are not late to follow, and by then it is too late, one cannot undo that which has been done, and one cannot escape ones consequences - and thus, instead of living in practical common sense as within considering the outflow / consequences and applying myself in such a way that the outflow / consequences will be best, as sticking to a priority list and making sure i apply myself effectively within and as my responsibilities - instead I have been allowing myself to ignore the fact that there is always an outflow / consequence, and that without directing it I am allowing myself to be subject to whatever careless outcome I bring upon oneself, and those around me, due to following my momentary desires as what i want to do now, as waiting for the last minute with my responsibilities.
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