Day 173 – Still not good enough

A must hear:

 

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination – Where does Self-Judgment come from? - Part 11

Where does Self-Judgment come from – from the World around us, or from our own Imaginations?

 

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Omnipresence of Self Judgment - Part 12

Has your Self Image negatively influenced your life? Here we discuss How Self Judgment takes over every aspect of your Life, Thoughts and experiences.

 

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Judgment: Waging a War against yourself - Part 13

Why would we say things to ourselves that we would never dare to say to another?

 

The Metaphysical Secrets of Imagination - Self Judgment as Punishment - Part 14

Why do we feel like we deserve to be punished through our own self judgment and how does the media contribute to this feeling?

 

 

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a starting point of not being good enough, as a self doubt that I allow exist within and as me at all times, as a voice in my head doubting any idea / project telling me I am not good enough to do it to my satisfaction.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and participate with the voice in my head telling me I am not good enough, and to direct myself accordingly as if this voice is speaking the truth of me, not allowing myself to question it, to investigate where did this thought as this voice in my head come from, where / how did this thought was created and why am I believing it unquestionably to be true.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within believing myself to not be good enough, within existing in self doubt, to place myself in positions that I have defined as inferior such as being "the assistant" and thus, through placing myself in such positions to validate for myself my own self belief of not being good enough to lead / direct any situation / job / project, and thus exist within an endless loop of believing myself to be inadequate and placing myself in positions to prove myself right.

 

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to brake this loop of self created inadequacy, through pushing myself to take responsibility - as in to deliberately place myself in a position that I must stand up from, that there is no one to lean on and that I must take responsibility and direct myself within it - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to brake this loop and prove myself wrong, and within this to start building myself up as self trust

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt myself and thus place myself in positions of inferiority, to then exist in inner conflict due to having sparks of clarity / insight which then, when I want to express and share, I feel like I can't, because I have limited myself in a position that I believe doesn't allow me to share / express myself as I have defined the position as being inferior / useless / unworthy.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge the position of being an assistant as less than / inferior,  and thus allowing myself to exist as and participate in inequality, within believing the "head" is more valuable than the "rest of the body", believing some positions in a project are more valuable than others, and thus, i have defined myself according to the position I have placed myself in, within this, I forgive myself for not realizing that when doing so, I am looking only at a partial part of the loop I have existed within, as believing that I am experiencing myself as inferior due to the position I am in, when in fact I have defined the position as less than as a reflection of my own self created experience within allowing myself to exist as inferiority / self doubt as the beingness of myself, thus not realizing that I make the position rather than the position makes me - and thus, if I, within myself, believe and accept myself to be and exist as inferior then that is what I will make out of any position, whereas, if / when I change myself and stop allowing such self created self sabotaging beliefs to exist within and as me , no job / task / project will be too small for me because I will stand up within it and make it into that which I am - thus, if a job / task / project seems small it is merely showing me that I am allowing myself to believe myself to be small - as showing me back to myself rather than reflecting on the job, my relationship / judgment towards the job is reflecting myself to see myself, to be able to forgive myself / correct myself / change myself

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, as I'm writing these words and statements, resist writing, within fear of change, as I fear taking self responsibility I fear daring to stand up and stop deliberately placing myself in positions  that don't require / expect me to take responsibility and to stand up as a leader of the project, and thus, within accepting this fear as who I am, within believing this fear to indicate some form of truth of me, I allow it to direct me as resistance towards writing, as a resistance towards change - though, I realize that this fear must be investigated in order for me to understand it, to become clear in regards to why the hell have I allowed myself to exist within and as this fear all my life - and within understanding it change will be possible - thus I realize that it isn't about changing myself from where I am now as fear into a self responsible self directive being that still holds on to the fear yet pushes through - as that seems impossible, like jumping into fire - it's about investigating the fear and within understanding the fear, it's source, how I created it, to realize that the fear isn't real, and through this self honest realization, not as knowledge but as real realization, I will more easily be able to let the fear go - I say this because from where I am now not fearing seems impossible, but it's because I haven't yet investigated the fear, once I do, I will know more clearly how to direct myself within it, or shall I say, direct myself to get out of it.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as fear

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking responsibility within fear of failure

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that failure is real, not realizing that failure is invented as an idea to create fear, and thus the two loop around each other, one creating the other, both an illusion that I am bringing to life through my acceptance and participation

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear taking the lead, to fear taking responsibility of a project within believing that I am not good enough and that there must be someone else that will do a better job, and I should just back them up as their assistant rather than doing it on my own

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that this approach is indicating I am humble and modest, when in fact it is not within a starting point of humbleness but rather of a starting point of fear and self diminishment, as humbleness would be to take responsibility and accept the lead of any project, but if someone else comes forth that may be more qualified then in humbleness I will back down and learn from them, rather then what I have been doing is on the one hand not taking the lead / responsibility in fear of failure, and then "allowing" someone to take the lead while actually using them as a cover up for my deliberate avoidance of the task.

within this, i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resent those that end up taking the lead, as they are reflecting to me that which I am not allowing myself to be, and thus within resentment I exist in competition, but it is a battle I allow myself to lose to then believe myself to have given up the "thrown" in humbleness - talk about self delusion.

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into believing I am a "good person" for letting others take the lead, not allowing myself to see that I have been avoiding taking the lead / responsibility in fear and self doubt, and thus I have created an illusion of myself being humble / good person as to justify and validate my avoidance of taking the lead, instead of facing myself for who I am in self honesty and allowing myself to see that I am not humble nor am I good, I am allowing myself to exist in and be directed by fear - this allowance makes me un trustworthy as I am not allowing myself to be the directive principle of / as myself and thus within not being the self directive principle I am allowing myself to be unpredictable as I am motivated by energy as fear and desire instead of directing myself clearing and steadily within alignment to the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all life, including myself.