Thursday, March 28, 2013

Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”

this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge


a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:

  • Accessing your Full Potential (Part 1) - Reptilian Series – 177
  • Accessing your Full Potential (Part 2) - Reptilian Series – 178

    Within walking the point of resistance towards my application, I have come across some self beliefs that need to be investigated - so i will share these self believes as i walk them, as i open the points up for myself, to remove the restriction / limitation i have allowed through accepting these self beliefs as the truth of me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that that they are an accumulation of hidden assumptions resulting in a huge tower – though, this tower is made of cards, it has no actual stability in the physical, it is an illusion – so, here i will be walking the process to face the illusion within my own self created self beliefs, and changing myself to stand up for myself, to stand as life.

    here i am working with the first self belief -  "I'm not dedicated" -


    Gathering info
    Dictionary definition

    1.    To commit / devote (oneself) to a particular course of thought or action
    2.    Wholly committed to a particular course of thought or action; devoted
    3.    A personal, handwritten inscription in or on a work, as by an author to a friend.
    4.    Designed for a particular use or function


    Self allocation point

    I see someone who is dedicated as a person that completely throws themselves into a project, they lose themselves within it – someone that is dedicated to something will experience themselves whole, as they have found their purpose and they now dedicate themselves, as the give themselves to the project as their lives, their time, their energy – they are dedicated / committed / devoted to completing the task / project – they do what it takes, they “walk through walls”, failure is not an option – they have an inner drive that moves them, like an energy generator, they are fueled up, like an excitement, an enjoyment.

    When I look at dedication I see it as an energetic experience where one is completely consumed by this one thing that they are proud to be a part of, they see themselves in unity with this one thing, they are it in a way.


    I have never experienced this, I have never experienced myself “being dedicated” to anything within this definition, I’ve never been dedicated to, no one has ever dedicated anything to me, I see that as a declaration of someone’s value, and so no one has declared that I am valuable to them.


    When one gives value to something / someone, they will change their priorities and now focus on this one point and direct themselves to serve this one point because it’s valuable – like one will experience one’s own self value through dedicating oneself to this point of value in separation of self – so energetically, one will experience themselves as valuable because one will defined themselves according to being dedicated to this point of value.


    Sounding the word dedicate / dedication


    Dead I see ate
    Dare dic ate
    Deddy cate
    D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
    D ed I cee it
    Did it Cate – did it as the category needed
    Did I Cate
    Dead vacation
    Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat
    Did I action – I did action
    Did I creation – I did creation

    Dic – prick
    Ed – education
    D – the
    Did it
    Cate – Category
    Cate – catering, to cater, to serve

    Dead – I am not dedicated


    Creative writing
    1.    D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
    Dedication from a starting point of knowledge, as an idea of what is valuable, where one dedicate oneself to stand as this point of knowledge, like a political / philosophical / social perspective, catering to this one group / organization, while separating self from the rest, and thus, dedicating oneself to one’s own opinion, as accepted knowledge one was educated and programed to accept.

    An example – dedicating oneself to the “war on drugs” where one believe their cause and all the knowledge they have accumulated on the topic, they now are dedicated to the point, they define themselves by it, and cannot afford to lose the point – so they lose the common sense of looking at the greater picture and actually finding solutions because they are so invested in this specific point – and if another will present them with contradicting information they will react in resentment and will reject the new data without listening, because they are dedicated to the information they have.


    2.    Dead vacation – here I see my relationship to the word dedication as “dead vacation” being dedicated is killing off the fun in life, where I believe dedication implies never again going on vacation, because if one is totally dedicated then there will never be a time that one can take a break and relax, as one had given up one’s life in dedication of this cause / project / organization – so here I see dedication as a sacrificing of all that is enjoyable, where I have created a polarity where one the one side there is fun / vacation / living and on the other side there is dedication / responsibility / self-sacrifices


    3.    Dead I see ate - Here is another reference to death, where I see death in dedication, as a choice to kill oneself in the name of a purpose / goal that one dedicates oneself to. Where I see dedication as the ultimate self-sacrifice, where one is consumed by that which they are dedicated to, they are eaten up by it


    4.    Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat – this is interesting because I use food as emotional compensation, and so within the fear of dedicating myself as the fear of losing myself I have created a defense mechanism, where instead of dedicating myself to the point, in self sacrifice, where eating is a point of compensation to the self sacrifice of dedication


    What I’m noticing is that initially I judged myself for not being dedicated and now all that I’m writing is as if dedication is “bad” and so I realize I am still within a polarity and only representing the “bad” side of dedication – so let me explore the sides of it that where the points I desired within it, judged myself for not being and wanted to become, as to allow myself to see a full clear picture:


    5.    Did it Cate – I am doing it in the category that I chose – i did, I completed the category, where category implies order, and so, one has accomplished / completed a project / task within the desired category, thus implies directiveness, discipline and specificity – dedication thus implies applying oneself into accomplishing / completing a task / project within the specific category decided upon it.


    6.    Did I Cate – did I cater, did I serve the point / project – when one finds a project / organization that one values and wants to serve and support, one dedicate oneself to the project and cater for it, does things in service of this project / organization 


    7.    Did I action – I did action – here dedication implies the doing of an action, thus, not leaving it as an abstract idea but actually coming down to earth in the physical and taking action towards this goal one dedicates oneself towards. Thus, dedication is not just a statement but a doing, an action


    8.    Did I creation – I did creation – here a similar implication, though noting that within dedication, as within any doing, there is a creation process, where on bring oneself in dedication, and place ideas / goals into actions and so creates within this process as the outcome / outflow of ones actions. Here dedication implies the act of creation, but from a practical physical, not energetic, starting point, as a simple common sense understanding that when one dedicate oneself to a point there is an outflow, as there is to any decision, and thus a creation, though, here one must then consider what one will dedicate oneself to, as that will determine the outflow as the creation, within the principle of equality – as within so without – where if one dedicate oneself to a point / project / organization that supports all life equally the creation of ones actions will be equal to ones starting point, whereas if one dedicates oneself within a starting point of self interest without considering the principle of equality and oneness the outflow as the creation will be equal to the starting point.



    Rewrite definition

    So, how will I define dedication to no longer hold any energetic charge to it, and yet still imply its original definition, within adding to it my new and revised / corrected relationship / perception of the word?


    I shall start with what it is not – it is not a self sacrifice, not a point of knowledge as an opinion, not the end of all that is fun / enjoyable in life, not a death of any kind, not a giving up on oneself, not a losing oneself, not being eaten alive, and when all these energetic charges are removed will not cause emotional compensation eating.

    Dedication is an action, it is a creation, there is a responsibility within it as to what one will dedicate oneself to will determine the creational outflow of ones actions, there is order within it, as one is not randomly dedicated, but rather one has made a clear and self directive decision as to what and why one will dedicate oneself to, and when decided upon one will act in alignment to the decision made, within the relevant / chosen category of action.


    Within the principle of equality, one dedicates oneself to a point one is equal to and has made a decision to live as, and so, one is not dedicating oneself to an external goal / purpose but rather dedicating oneself to self in equality to the point one is walking as an expression of self, as self has made the decision to stand as this point in equality.

    Thus, dedication is an active and deliberate doing, done within full awareness and understanding of the outflow of ones actions, and thus, if done in self honesty - one’s dedication will always be aligned with that which is best for all life in equality and oneness and so ones creation, as the outflow of ones actions, will be aligned with what is best for all as support for all life. 


    Within dedication one will have an eagle’s view of the situation where one sees all points to make a clear decision within self honesty – as one considers the actual physical actions one needs to take, considers the outflow of ones actions, whether they are in support of life or not, and then one dedicate oneself to walk all the points into completion, as a service to one’s decision / goal, which is a service to life.


    Dedication, in self honesty, is coming to the conclusion that the point is in support of life, and one stands as the point in equality to / as the point, and one realizes that one’s actions will result in an outflow that is aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and then, one make the decision to walk this point into completion, within considering what are the physical steps that need to be walked, and then one walks the point in clarity and specificity.


    To sum it up

    I identified that I have many beliefs about myself, beliefs that I have allowed to limit me, to sabotage my freedom of expression and exploration of myself.
    In the example of the self belief of “I am not dedicated” I have realized that my beliefs stemmed from how I had defined this word “dedication” within my vocabulary. I defined “dedication” as more than it is, relating it to an energetic experience, giving it an energetic value, both positive and negative, where the positive aspects of dedication I have separated from myself in an accepted inferiority and experience of inadequacy, and the negative aspects were placed as justifications as to why I am not that, instead of seeing that I am separating myself from the “positive” aspects through separating further from myself with a “negative” reason as justification, within the idea / belief that if I were to dedicate myself I will have to scarifies myself – I realize now that I have been pushing myself away, and thus, separating myself from dedication, both from the positive and the negative, thus existing in separation of the word, which made it impossible for me to be able to live this word as an expression of myself, as the living word.


    Now that I have redefined this word I see that dedication is not self sacrifice as within an energetic experience of losing myself and giving myself up for the grater cause in self righteousness, as well, it is not a superior experience as being fulfilled by a sense of dedication – what it practically physically is, is a decision, made within a specific direction, and walked practically into action until complete – this procedure of being dedicated to a point does not involve energy, not positive and not negative.


    dedication = direction + decision + action


    when i say: "I am dedicated to a point" – this would imply that I have seen a point, I have investigated it as to see, realize and understand what it involves practically, I have made a decision to walk this point as myself, as I am aligned with the principle / expression of the point, and so I walk it consistently into completion


    The self belief as self judgment as the experience of not being dedicated will then be a red flag to check the process of dedication as mentioned above, as one of the stages of the procedure must have been not clear, and thus i ask myself did I make a clear decision, did I investigate the point or did i walk into it blind folded, can I self honestly say that I am aligned with the point?


    When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that what i am showing myself is that for some reason i am not practically walking this point in consistently into completion, as the practical walking of the point is the external expression of dedication, thus, showing myself the symptom to a problem, thus, i commit myself to then investigate what is actually going in – there is no point to judge myself, because obviously something is simply not aligned, and so, let me align it and decide in self honesty, in full awareness what will be my next stem, decide, and then walk it in self trust.


    When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that there is "nothing to it" as, in the moment i notice i am not dedicated, as not walking the point practically within the directive decision i made - i can stop, realign myself, rededicate myself and walk in that very moment, no fuss to it.


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