Thursday, March 28, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
“This point has been a major issue for me, I always lived within a self definition that I lack the ability / intelligence / skill to build the bridge that will bring me from the idea to the manifestation of it. And now I see that this construct that I have accepted as myself even though it has brought me much suffering and frustration, I do not want to let go of - who will I be if I am capable of building this bridge? Why am I terrified of the idea of not existing in these limitations, why do I feel like these limitations protect me in any way - like there is something scary of being a success, being capable - it's like there is an inner knowing that if I let this down I will have no excuse and will be able to do anything - and this thought freaks me out.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a self belief that I lack the skill to "build the bridge" from idea to manifestation as physical reality, and within this belief I allow myself to experience myself as stuck when facing the steps that are required to be taken in order to complete the task, and thus, within believing and living out the self belief I create myself as it, thus, when and as I see myself experience myself as not knowing how to proceed within a belief that I am incapable because I lack the skill of "building the bridge" I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here as the physical, I allow myself to gather information within realizing that any journey / process is walked one step at a time, and all I must know / do is walk one step in front of the other, and so, I commit myself to stopping myself from participating in the back chat as not know how to build a bridge within realizing that I don't have to build a full bridge, all I must do is walk the first step, within self trust, and as I walk the first step the next step will open up, and step by step, I will walk, until the task is done - I realize that I cannot know now how I will do something that is in the future, I have never lived this life before, this is not a rehearsal for a scripted play, and thus, it makes no sense to expect of myself to know the future as to know that which I haven't walked yet, and the only thing that makes sense is to allow myself to walk one step at a time, breath by breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I haven't got the skills required to manifest my ideas into physical reality, and within this self belief I have gone through out my life coming up with ideas and letting them go without ever actually trying to take the steps to bring them to life in the physical, within believing that I am inadequate to do so, and so, allowing myself to be directed by the belief of inadequacy only to manifest myself as inadequate and so exist in an endless loop of believing myself as incapable and within this living as the expression of incapability to then prove my belief to be right and thus continue living / existing by it.
When and as I see myself going into the mind as back chat as self belief as telling myself that I lack the skill to manifest my ideas into reality, I stop myself and breathe, I recognize the character of "I don't know" and within recognizing the character I realize this is not me, as who I am, as I am not self directive as I participate and identify myself as a character of the mind - I thus realize this character is a form of self sabotage, it is not supporting not protecting me but rather limiting and sabotaging myself from fully expressing myself and walking as self empowerment as life. And so, I commit myself, when this character comes up within me, to stop myself in breath immediately and not allow myself to entertain such thoughts at all, and within removing the character I commit myself to investigate / find out what I must do / learn in order to know that which I had initially wanted to believe that I don't know, and thus walk myself through a process of learning, in order to be able to apply myself effectively
I realize that within participating in the belief that I am incapable of applying myself in order to bring to life any idea / decision I have, I am actually creating myself as the belief, where without my participation and acceptance of the belief I am limitless to do / learn / expand / experiment, and only within participating / accepting this belief do I end up proving it right through my deliberate application of not "stepping out" of the limitation defined within the belief - in other words, I realize that if I were not to participate, accept or entertain the belief that I am incapable, I would go ahead and do what eve it takes because it is only the belief that creates the doubt in my mind, the doubt which then is justified by the first failure, not actually giving the opportunity and space for trial and error as the natural way of learning and creating something new.
When and as I see myself going into the character as self belief of "I am incapable of manifesting this" or "I just don't know how to do this, I just lack the skill of manifesting an idea into reality" I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to entertain such thoughts / self beliefs within realizing that I will create myself as the thoughts I participate in, and so, it isn't the thoughts that define me, but rather my participation and acceptance of the though - and so, as this thought is not self supportive but rather is limiting and self diminishing, there is no point in accepting it and creating myself as one and equal to/as it, and so, when and as I see tis line of thoughts coming up, I stop myself and within breath I look at the idea, I see if it is a common sense practical idea to pursue, if it stands in alignment with what is best for all, and if I find that it does, then I find a way to manifest it, by firstly researching the available data as the internet and learning more about the point, about the procedure, as well as by asking for help and guidance, or finding someone to collaborate with - thus, I commit myself that if an opportunity / idea comes up that is valid as aligned with the principle of equality as what is best for all life, I will not allow myself to give up within the self diminishing belief that I am too small and incapable to achieve / manifest this goal / idea, and instead I will find a practical way within the physical reality as the practical steps required to manifest the point into life. And so, I will not allow myself to be directed by the idea that I cannot, but instead will learn and find ways, apply creativity and ask for assistance, and as I walk, acquire the skills necessary to do so.
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