Sunday, May 5, 2013
Day 191 – Daily writing commitment restart – Day 1
Day 192 – 21 days of self dedication - day 2 - I am a pessimistic
Day 193 - 21 days of self dedication - day 3 - self sabotage
Day 194 - 21 days of self dedication – misusing the desteni process
Within my tendency to only see the worst I am replaying to myself all the back chat as self judgment, and within doing so I am constantly over shadowing the progress, or even not the progress, but the simple plain facts of my physical realty - and one plain fact is that I am still here - and I must support / encourage myself within realizing this, as a form of balancing out the usual self discouragement that I am used to feeding myself.
I realize there is a point of polarity here, and I am here to investigate it further, I am not satisfied as to leave things as they are, obviously, so it's not to say that for each discouraging thought I will come back with some positive reinforcement - but what I do mean, is that while I am walking the process of stopping myself within / as the pattern of self sabotage and self discouragement, I must deliberately remind myself the other side of the coin, as a temporary crutch to lean on and support myself with, as a bridge until the tendency to only see the worst is diminished.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be comfortable with assuming / expecting the worst, and thus, to "naturally" accept and participate within such thoughts of self diminishment / judgment, thus, enhancing the point which in tern leads to more judgment and so the cycle of self abuse
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself within the pattern of self diminishment and only seeing/ seeking the worst, to see the physical reality of the situation, and not only my mind projections
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the reality of the situation and myself within it, and thus deliberately only allow myself to see / express the worst, as if I do not know / recognize myself as confidant and trust worthy, and so, to remain familiar to myself I have become the manifestation of self doubt and dismissal
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I am here, and even though I participate in my mind, and do not yet effectively stop myself, and even though all the judgment and attempts of giving up - I am still here, and as long as I am here, I can stop and change
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been utilizing writing as self support more than ever before, and within this any comparison to an ideal or to others is just of the mind, and thus I must evaluate if the comparison is within a starting point of self honesty / support or self abuse / competition - and so, I realize that when I judge myself for not doing enough, I do not do so within a starting point of self support, but the contrary, I do so within a point of beating myself down - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to beat myself down instead of finding practical livable ways to support myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself to change, but instead I would only find flaws and emphasize them, without looking for a practical livable solution - and thus doing so in self spite and not support
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all this self judgment is pointing towards that which I know I want to be but have not yet become, and so it isn't to dismiss the self judgment as invalid, because it is pointing at a valid point , but rather to not go into and participate with the energy of it all, but instead to find the point of change within it, and the point requires forgiveness - as to use the self judgment as an indicator, as a flash light pointing at the right direction - and so, it isn't to believe the flash light holds the truth, it is rather just pointing at it.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself within a constant experience that I must judge myself or else I am proving myself to being shallow and ineffective, not realizing that self enjoyment should be embraced, and is not "bad" if it is done within self expression, as simply enjoying the expression of self and those around - I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself within a starting point of trying to be serious about process and the world through an idea that one must express a heaviness in order to sort this world out - but, lol, why would a harsh / heavy / serious expression be more effective within any part of this process, as self investigation, writing, self forgiveness?... There is no common sense in such an idea, it is merely an idea and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try to adjust my expression to fit an idea instead of building and developing self honesty, through writing and self exposure, and then to express myself as who I am and who I want to be after looking at it in awareness, and not automatically allow myself to become an idea that I have not even until now investigated and thus could not have clearly seen the ridiculesness of it all
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be here in breath, and to move and act from within this one point of me being here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that today more than before I am more aware of what I am going through within my experience / participation / acceptances, and so, I slow myself down and realize this is a process and I am walking it at my own speed - I forgive myself for judging myself according to comparison and an idea and thus, blinding myself to the fact that I am walking, not only blinding me but causing hardship, instead of embracing myself and investigating why am I going slow, check if I can go faster or become more effective and practically do something about it, rather then judging myself and dismissing all that I am doing as a form of punishment and making myself worthless in my own eyes - not realizing that this enhances the problem rather than going towards a solution.
And so, I commit myself to be more aware of what is physical, and within this, to stop myself within and as breath, when I see myself going into interpretation, especially if I see myself going into the self judgment / diminishment character as a form of trapping myself without a practical solution for change, but only remain in the mind as thinking about it
I am here, and I am walking ,and I can prefect myself and become more effective - but I can do so only within / as self support, and not through self abuse - within this, I commit myself to practice being more self discipline, to making a schedule and re-fixing / editing it as I move along to keep it up-to-date with my current activities, within this, I commit myself to if I do not stay up to speed with my assignments to adjust myself and investigate what/why is going on - I commit myself to breath, to be here, to return to myself as the physical
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment