Sunday, March 31, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
Day 183 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self Commitments
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I have previously found the definition for dedication as it is nicely defined as the following equation:
Dedication = direction + decision + action
I find that I struggle with the “action” portion of the equation, where I see in a moment what I must do, but I don’t do it, or I see what I must stop doing, but I continue – this is done by me in full awareness, and even though I can see myself applying myself in contradiction with my expressed direction and decision, I still go ahead and contradict myself, place myself in inner conflict – I realize that allowing myself to make a directive decision in awareness in alignment to a principle that I am standing as, to then defy myself and act in contradiction to myself, is self destructive, as it sabotages my self trust in myself – how can I trust myself if I say one thing and then act in contradiction?
I realize that over time I have participated in this pattern over and over, and believe it to be stronger than me – but within this I know in self honesty, that it is not the pattern that is stronger than me, because it is I that give the pattern it’s strength through my participation, it is not to blame the pattern in separation of myself, but rather to realize that it is I that is sabotaging myself, it is I that am separated from / as myself, and so I must ask myself why would I do that? What is hidden here, what is the cause and reason for me to lie to myself as making statements that I do not intend to stand as, or intend to momentarily, but then in full awareness act otherwise?...
What keeps coming up is a point of laziness and comfortability, where I make an aware directive decision but when the time comes to act on it, I retreat to my comfort zone, and am not willing to walk the physicality of the decision, am not willing to put the physical effort, to walk through the physical resistance – is it really laziness that has been directing me?
Looking at it now, it seems like pure elitist behaviour, a behaviour of a spoilt brat that is not willing to lift a finger – I’m ashamed to see myself as such a person, but more than that, I’m ashamed that even with seeing myself as a spoilt brat, I haven’t yet been able to stop and change myself – is this the person I am doomed to be? Or am I going to find it in myself to change myself?
I obviously want to change and stop participating in the “spoilt brat” character, but at the same time I don’t, because the spoilt brat protects me from doing what I don’t want to do, but what I’ve been hiding from myself is the long term effects of the spoilt brat character, which is to never actually get / be / achieve what I really want, beyond the momentary short term satisfaction.
The spoilt brat character’s main back chat is “I don’t feel like it”, “but, I don’t want to”, “it’s too hard”, “I’ll do it later”, “maybe someone else can do it”, “me? No way, why me, I shouldn’t be the one doing this, it’s not fair”, “I don’t have time”, “I’m busy with other stuff” – the list of excuses and justification is endless – but that is all they are, excuses and justifications, they haven’t got any real substance as an actual valid reason why not to do that which I have made a directive decision to do – yet, even though they are empty excuses – why do I fall for it every time? And more importantly, how can I support myself to stop falling in the spoilt brat’s trap?
How can I dedicate myself to myself as life, how can I commit myself to follow my directive decisions and not my self interest characters as the “spoilt brat”?
I realize that the spoilt brat character is based on energy, as it is directed by the energetic experience of “I don’t feel like it”, and so when and as I experience the “I don’t feel like it” energy coming up, I stop myself and breathe, I realize I am faced with a choice in that very moment – am I going to follow the energy in self interest and become the “spoilt brat” character, or am I going to stand as self directive principle and direct myself in breath as what is best for all, within common sense?
I realize that each time I give in to the “spoilt brat” character it becomes stronger as I become weaker, and every time I stand up within myself and stop myself form participating and becoming the “spoilt brat” character I empower myself, and so, within this I realize that it will be a long process of accumulation, as I have accumulated myself as the “spoilt brat” and now it’s up to me to accumulate myself as life, as standing up in self direction and not follow the path of energy, not follow the self interest as satisfying the momentary desire but rather to satisfy myself as life and walk the directive decision I have made in awareness and allowing myself to be the living example of the principle that I stand as. Wouldn’t that be much more satisfying in the long run?
When and as the “spoilt brat” character comes up within me, as the energetic experience of “I don’t feel like it”, I stop myself and breathe, and I commit myself to do just one more thing, as small as it may be, but to do it in my totality, as a self directive doing, and then once I’m done with this one thing, I breathe and ask myself if I can push myself to do just one more thing, whether it be writing another statement / paragraph / forgiveness, or walking a few more steps towards the completion of another task, and I continue one breath at a time, one more task at a time, where each little task is one point of pushing through the resistance as self sabotage as the “spoilt brat” character, and thus, each little task that I do and do not allow the character to direct me is a small victory for self, a small stand, and so I accumulate myself as self stand, one little point at a time.
Within this, I commit myself to when applying this self correction, as walking just one more task, to do so in breath, and not within “getting it over with” experience, as I realize that would be self manipulation and not actually being here as self support, and so, if I see myself doing a task within a “let’s get it over with” experience, I stop myself and breathe, I slow myself down in breath, I bring myself back here to my physical body, I remind myself that I am here, doing this, and I will have no regrets if I allow myself to actually be here in my totality and complete what I am doing within self integrity, as actually being here and not in my mind in spitefulness towards the situation and towards myself for not satisfying my desire of “but I don’t feel like doing it” and so, when I see myself going into self spitefulness, I stop myself and breathe, I shake myself up and return here to my physical body, and slow myself down to apply myself in the physical action within breathing, allowing myself to be here with my movements, with my breath, and do not allow back chat to infiltrate my experience in the moment.
I commit myself to ask myself direct questions when and as I see myself not standing as my decision, as not acting in alignment with my directive decision, and so, when and as I see myself contradicting myself, I stop myself and breathe, I ask myself why am I sabotaging myself, and I don’t move / participate with anything until I give myself a clear answer in self honesty, and so, I commit myself to push myself to not let myself off the hook, so to speak, and to actually investigate / interrogate myself within the self honest intention of understanding why, at this very moment, I am prepared to sabotage myself through acting in contradiction to my directive decision. And within this, I commit myself to walk myself hand in hand, back here, into alignment with my directive decision, aligned with common sense, aligned with self support, I commit myself to be gentle with myself yet firm and directive, I commit myself to parent myself into self alignment, and treat myself as an innocent child with compassion and care, yet to be strict with myself and push for self discipline.
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Saturday, March 30, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
Day 182 - Self Belief - “I am not Dedicated” - Self forgiveness
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
When and as I see myself submitting to the self belief “I am not dedicated” I stop myself and breathe, I realize that I am creating myself as such through my participation with these thoughts, and thus I push myself into action, as to support myself not to fall into the trap of manifesting myself as my own self belief, but instead to move myself as self support, within breath, and push myself into action, and to break the self belief by applying myself outside of the limitation / program / expectation of the belief.
I realize that dedication is a behavioral pattern that can be learn with practice, and within this, I realize that believing it is a skill that I lack is an excuse / justification as to not apply myself and push myself into becoming the living expression of / as dedication, as making decisions and walking them into practicality physically, I realize that becoming dedicated, as breaking the pattern and self belief of not being dedicated will require work and effort and basically will be uncomfortable as change is uncomfortable, and so, when and as I experience uncomfortablility due to the resistance of me not wanting to change, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that changing myself from believing I am incapable of dedication, into living dedication as self expression will take time and effort and won’t be easy, but only through walking this process will I be able to prove to myself that I am directive myself as I am able to make a decision and trust that I will walk it into action – thus allowing myself to be dedicated, being free to be dedicated – and so, I commit myself to slowly but surly become more and more stable within my application until I am standing as dedication as the living expression of / as myself - as trusting myself at all times that I will live into actions all decisions I make, within considering what is best for all in common sense and practicality.
I realize dedication as a living word is not an energetic experience but is a physical application of making a clear and directive decision and walking into physical practicality – thus, I realize that any energy I have connected to “dedication” is of the mind and does not stand as life, and so, I commit myself to let go within breath any idea of energy I am still holding onto in relation to dedication, and within this to let go the accepted experience of self judgment within believing I am not good enough due to believing I am not dedicated, while placing a positive value on that word and thus justifying my self disappointment – all energy – and thus not valid as life and not in support of life as the simplistically of the physical. And so, I commit myself to red flag all energetic experience I experience in relation to dedication, and if and when such energy comes up to stop myself and breathe, and breathe until I am stable, within realizing that this energy is separating myself form myself as life as it is blinding me form the physical reality that is happening under my nose and is shifting me to the illusion world of the mind.
When and as I see myself facing a word / idea / definition within believing that I cannot live it, I realize this is a belief construct where I have separated myself form the word within defining the word deliberately in a way that cannot be lived, and thus setting myself up for a fall, within this, I commit myself, when I see myself facing a word that I believe / experience myself that I cannot live, I stop myself in the moment and breathe, I bring the word here and redefine it as a livable word, as a living word, and within this I commit myself to explore myself as the word and break through the barrier of fear and limitation I have accepted as myself, and instead push myself to expand to grow and not accept anything less than myself as who I am as life, as one and equal to all that is here in existence. And so, practically I commit myself to investigate any word I see myself separated from, as within believing I cannot live that word, and within investigating allowing myself to remove all energetic values I have attached to the word, and redefine it as a livable word that exist simplistically and physically, and so I walk it as myself.
I realize that my self belief as self limitation is based on a memory that I have and am holding onto within an energetic experience, as I have defined myself according to a specific memory and within that have limited myself as I have allowed myself to exist in the past instead of here as the physical, thus, when and as I see myself going into and limiting myself by self belief I commit myself to investigate and forgive myself for any memory that I find that is attached related to the creation of this self belief – as I’ve realized that I have created this self belief over time, as accumulation of memories, and thus I commit myself to find the memories as building blocks within myself and forgive myself for them, one by one, to let them go and free myself to let go the self belief created by them.
When and as I see myself participating in self belief within defining myself as less than / inferior / not able / not capable to do something, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that by participating in such a belief I am sabotaging myself and abusing myself as I am diminishing and belittling myself – and such behavior is not acceptable and I will not allow myself to treat myself in such an abusive and diminishing way – and thus I commit myself, when seeing myself go into and participate within a self belief to stand up from within it, and stop my participation in that very moment, to forgive myself for even starting to participate and remain in breath in stability as self support, as self care, as self nurture, as self embracement, and thus, transform myself from self sabotage and abuse to self care and love, from belittling myself to empowering myself. Within realizing that the self belief is created and enhanced by thoughts, I commit myself to, in the moment the self belief comes up within the back chat and thoughts, to stop myself and do not allow myself to participate in the back chat, as I realize it is a slippery slope, and so I stand strong, here in the physical focused on my breathing and do not entertain the back chat thoughts as the building blocks of the self belief.
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Friday, March 29, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
Day 181 – Self Belief “I am not Dedicated”
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the belief that I am not dedicated
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication is a skill that I lack, instead of realizing that it is a behavioural pattern that can be practiced and learned, and thus, within accepting the belief that I am not dedicated I have given myself an excuse to take the easy way out instead of facing myself as who I am and from where I am to push myself to change and learn and become that which I find would be best for me to be, as I’ve seen that the ability of dedication is supportive and empowering and thus rather than giving myself excuses for not being that, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to do all in my ability to equalize myself to the living word as dedication
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define dedication as an energetic experience, instead of realizing the physical practicality of dedication as the living word as I have redefined for myself in the previous blog
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize the simplistically of dedication as the living word, as a word that can be lived, and instead I have made it more than it is, in my mind, thus making it special and divine and thus separating myself form it – within this, I realize that any word / character / behavior I see as more than me, as a point that I am not able to achieve, I must investigate the word and look for the energetic value I have given it – within this, to investigate myself and look for the specific memory that I accepted as a defining point of myself to have accepted this point of limitation and inferiority as who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to many memories, indicating that I am not dedicated, thus allowing myself to exist in the past and limit myself due to my past experiences instead of learning from the past, as investigating to find out why was I not dedicated in those situations and from learning myself as my behaviors / patterns to commit myself to change within aligning myself to dedications the living word, within the principle of equality and oneness – within realizing that I can only live that which I am equal to – and thus, I must define dedication in such a way that it can be lived, otherwise I am trapping myself in an endless chase after the unachieved, as living a word that cannot be lived
And so, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately define words, as dedication, in such a way that cannot be lived and thus set myself up for a fall, a failure, instead of supporting myself in seeing that which I am doing and stopping myself, within realizing that such behavior to inflict upon myself an endless chase is abusive and self sabotaging in nature, is unacceptable.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the physical and practical simplistically of the word dedication, as a word that indicates one, within walking in a specific direction, has made a decision in awareness as within researching and investigating and accepting the entire point at hand, and once making the decision within taking into consideration the practical and physical application that must be done in order to walk the decision, within taking into consideration the consequential outflow of walking the decision, within walking into the decision with one’s eyes wide open – one then walk the decision into completion, as a living expression of the direction and the decision, as one and equal, in consistency, until the point is complete.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that at times where I have defined myself and judged myself for not being dedicated, I was not aware of the above definition, and thus could not assess and evaluate why am I not applying myself or living the decision I have made – I forgive myself for never asking myself if I in fact made a directive / aware decision, or did I just follow the spur of the moment, I forgive myself for never asking myself if I made the decision within accepting the direction as the principle it stands as, I forgive myself for never asking myself questions as to try and understand myself, but instead went into judgment, and accumulated one more memory in the pile of self doubt / diminishment / belittling.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect dedication to success within a time frame, not seeing and realizing that a time frame in not a part of dedication within it’s definition, and thus I realize that I have confused myself as to believe that I am not dedicated because I didn’t make a time schedule, and thus, instead of seeing the problem for what it is, as poor time management, or poor prioritizing, I have generalized the point and have defined myself as not being dedicated, not seeing that by doing so I am diminishing myself through living out the belief, instead of actually seeing the point and correcting the actual problem.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that dedication will solve everything, and thus, when I have not managed to finish a project in time I believed it was due to not being dedicated enough, as if I were more dedicated I would have done anything, though, within this, I didn’t allow myself to investigate other aspects within my application and thus, not allowing myself to be specific as to see how exactly did I sabotage the project, in order to be able to correct myself within the relevant point
I see and realize how self beliefs are limiting and self sabotaging as once I believe myself to be something I start behaving as that and actually create myself as the belief rather than the belief actually defining who I am, within this I realize that by falling to self belief I prevent myself from unconditionally investigating myself within the point as to find the actual source point that needs be corrected in order to align myself in becoming the best that I can be in all and every aspect.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
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Thursday, March 28, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
Day 180 – Building a Bridge
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
Within walking the point of resistance towards my application, I have come across some self beliefs that need to be investigated - so i will share these self believes as i walk them, as i open the points up for myself, to remove the restriction / limitation i have allowed through accepting these self beliefs as the truth of me, not seeing, realizing or understanding that that they are an accumulation of hidden assumptions resulting in a huge tower – though, this tower is made of cards, it has no actual stability in the physical, it is an illusion – so, here i will be walking the process to face the illusion within my own self created self beliefs, and changing myself to stand up for myself, to stand as life.
here i am working with the first self belief - "I'm not dedicated" -
Gathering info
Dictionary definition
1. To commit / devote (oneself) to a particular course of thought or action
2. Wholly committed to a particular course of thought or action; devoted
3. A personal, handwritten inscription in or on a work, as by an author to a friend.
4. Designed for a particular use or function
Self allocation point
I see someone who is dedicated as a person that completely throws themselves into a project, they lose themselves within it – someone that is dedicated to something will experience themselves whole, as they have found their purpose and they now dedicate themselves, as the give themselves to the project as their lives, their time, their energy – they are dedicated / committed / devoted to completing the task / project – they do what it takes, they “walk through walls”, failure is not an option – they have an inner drive that moves them, like an energy generator, they are fueled up, like an excitement, an enjoyment.
When I look at dedication I see it as an energetic experience where one is completely consumed by this one thing that they are proud to be a part of, they see themselves in unity with this one thing, they are it in a way.
I have never experienced this, I have never experienced myself “being dedicated” to anything within this definition, I’ve never been dedicated to, no one has ever dedicated anything to me, I see that as a declaration of someone’s value, and so no one has declared that I am valuable to them.
When one gives value to something / someone, they will change their priorities and now focus on this one point and direct themselves to serve this one point because it’s valuable – like one will experience one’s own self value through dedicating oneself to this point of value in separation of self – so energetically, one will experience themselves as valuable because one will defined themselves according to being dedicated to this point of value.
Sounding the word dedicate / dedication
Dead I see ate
Dare dic ate
Deddy cate
D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
D ed I cee it
Did it Cate – did it as the category needed
Did I Cate
Dead vacation
Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat
Did I action – I did action
Did I creation – I did creation
Dead
I
See
Ate
Dare
Dic – prick
Ed – education
D – the
Did it
Cate – Category
Cate – catering, to cater, to serve
Vacation
Action
Dead – I am not dedicated
Creative writing
1. D ed I cate – the education I cater for – dedication based on knowledge
Dedication from a starting point of knowledge, as an idea of what is valuable, where one dedicate oneself to stand as this point of knowledge, like a political / philosophical / social perspective, catering to this one group / organization, while separating self from the rest, and thus, dedicating oneself to one’s own opinion, as accepted knowledge one was educated and programed to accept.
An example – dedicating oneself to the “war on drugs” where one believe their cause and all the knowledge they have accumulated on the topic, they now are dedicated to the point, they define themselves by it, and cannot afford to lose the point – so they lose the common sense of looking at the greater picture and actually finding solutions because they are so invested in this specific point – and if another will present them with contradicting information they will react in resentment and will reject the new data without listening, because they are dedicated to the information they have.
2. Dead vacation – here I see my relationship to the word dedication as “dead vacation” being dedicated is killing off the fun in life, where I believe dedication implies never again going on vacation, because if one is totally dedicated then there will never be a time that one can take a break and relax, as one had given up one’s life in dedication of this cause / project / organization – so here I see dedication as a sacrificing of all that is enjoyable, where I have created a polarity where one the one side there is fun / vacation / living and on the other side there is dedication / responsibility / self-sacrifices
3. Dead I see ate - Here is another reference to death, where I see death in dedication, as a choice to kill oneself in the name of a purpose / goal that one dedicates oneself to. Where I see dedication as the ultimate self-sacrifice, where one is consumed by that which they are dedicated to, they are eaten up by it
4. Dead IC ate – dead inside so I eat – this is interesting because I use food as emotional compensation, and so within the fear of dedicating myself as the fear of losing myself I have created a defense mechanism, where instead of dedicating myself to the point, in self sacrifice, where eating is a point of compensation to the self sacrifice of dedication
What I’m noticing is that initially I judged myself for not being dedicated and now all that I’m writing is as if dedication is “bad” and so I realize I am still within a polarity and only representing the “bad” side of dedication – so let me explore the sides of it that where the points I desired within it, judged myself for not being and wanted to become, as to allow myself to see a full clear picture:
5. Did it Cate – I am doing it in the category that I chose – i did, I completed the category, where category implies order, and so, one has accomplished / completed a project / task within the desired category, thus implies directiveness, discipline and specificity – dedication thus implies applying oneself into accomplishing / completing a task / project within the specific category decided upon it.
6. Did I Cate – did I cater, did I serve the point / project – when one finds a project / organization that one values and wants to serve and support, one dedicate oneself to the project and cater for it, does things in service of this project / organization
7. Did I action – I did action – here dedication implies the doing of an action, thus, not leaving it as an abstract idea but actually coming down to earth in the physical and taking action towards this goal one dedicates oneself towards. Thus, dedication is not just a statement but a doing, an action
8. Did I creation – I did creation – here a similar implication, though noting that within dedication, as within any doing, there is a creation process, where on bring oneself in dedication, and place ideas / goals into actions and so creates within this process as the outcome / outflow of ones actions. Here dedication implies the act of creation, but from a practical physical, not energetic, starting point, as a simple common sense understanding that when one dedicate oneself to a point there is an outflow, as there is to any decision, and thus a creation, though, here one must then consider what one will dedicate oneself to, as that will determine the outflow as the creation, within the principle of equality – as within so without – where if one dedicate oneself to a point / project / organization that supports all life equally the creation of ones actions will be equal to ones starting point, whereas if one dedicates oneself within a starting point of self interest without considering the principle of equality and oneness the outflow as the creation will be equal to the starting point.
Rewrite definition
So, how will I define dedication to no longer hold any energetic charge to it, and yet still imply its original definition, within adding to it my new and revised / corrected relationship / perception of the word?
I shall start with what it is not – it is not a self sacrifice, not a point of knowledge as an opinion, not the end of all that is fun / enjoyable in life, not a death of any kind, not a giving up on oneself, not a losing oneself, not being eaten alive, and when all these energetic charges are removed will not cause emotional compensation eating.
Dedication is an action, it is a creation, there is a responsibility within it as to what one will dedicate oneself to will determine the creational outflow of ones actions, there is order within it, as one is not randomly dedicated, but rather one has made a clear and self directive decision as to what and why one will dedicate oneself to, and when decided upon one will act in alignment to the decision made, within the relevant / chosen category of action.
Within the principle of equality, one dedicates oneself to a point one is equal to and has made a decision to live as, and so, one is not dedicating oneself to an external goal / purpose but rather dedicating oneself to self in equality to the point one is walking as an expression of self, as self has made the decision to stand as this point in equality.
Thus, dedication is an active and deliberate doing, done within full awareness and understanding of the outflow of ones actions, and thus, if done in self honesty - one’s dedication will always be aligned with that which is best for all life in equality and oneness and so ones creation, as the outflow of ones actions, will be aligned with what is best for all as support for all life.
Within dedication one will have an eagle’s view of the situation where one sees all points to make a clear decision within self honesty – as one considers the actual physical actions one needs to take, considers the outflow of ones actions, whether they are in support of life or not, and then one dedicate oneself to walk all the points into completion, as a service to one’s decision / goal, which is a service to life.
Dedication, in self honesty, is coming to the conclusion that the point is in support of life, and one stands as the point in equality to / as the point, and one realizes that one’s actions will result in an outflow that is aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all, and then, one make the decision to walk this point into completion, within considering what are the physical steps that need to be walked, and then one walks the point in clarity and specificity.
To sum it up
I identified that I have many beliefs about myself, beliefs that I have allowed to limit me, to sabotage my freedom of expression and exploration of myself.
In the example of the self belief of “I am not dedicated” I have realized that my beliefs stemmed from how I had defined this word “dedication” within my vocabulary. I defined “dedication” as more than it is, relating it to an energetic experience, giving it an energetic value, both positive and negative, where the positive aspects of dedication I have separated from myself in an accepted inferiority and experience of inadequacy, and the negative aspects were placed as justifications as to why I am not that, instead of seeing that I am separating myself from the “positive” aspects through separating further from myself with a “negative” reason as justification, within the idea / belief that if I were to dedicate myself I will have to scarifies myself – I realize now that I have been pushing myself away, and thus, separating myself from dedication, both from the positive and the negative, thus existing in separation of the word, which made it impossible for me to be able to live this word as an expression of myself, as the living word.
Now that I have redefined this word I see that dedication is not self sacrifice as within an energetic experience of losing myself and giving myself up for the grater cause in self righteousness, as well, it is not a superior experience as being fulfilled by a sense of dedication – what it practically physically is, is a decision, made within a specific direction, and walked practically into action until complete – this procedure of being dedicated to a point does not involve energy, not positive and not negative.
dedication = direction + decision + action
when i say: "I am dedicated to a point" – this would imply that I have seen a point, I have investigated it as to see, realize and understand what it involves practically, I have made a decision to walk this point as myself, as I am aligned with the principle / expression of the point, and so I walk it consistently into completion
The self belief as self judgment as the experience of not being dedicated will then be a red flag to check the process of dedication as mentioned above, as one of the stages of the procedure must have been not clear, and thus i ask myself did I make a clear decision, did I investigate the point or did i walk into it blind folded, can I self honestly say that I am aligned with the point?
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that what i am showing myself is that for some reason i am not practically walking this point in consistently into completion, as the practical walking of the point is the external expression of dedication, thus, showing myself the symptom to a problem, thus, i commit myself to then investigate what is actually going in – there is no point to judge myself, because obviously something is simply not aligned, and so, let me align it and decide in self honesty, in full awareness what will be my next stem, decide, and then walk it in self trust.
When and as I see that I am not dedicated to a point, and self judgment comes up, i stop myself and breathe, i realize that there is "nothing to it" as, in the moment i notice i am not dedicated, as not walking the point practically within the directive decision i made - i can stop, realign myself, rededicate myself and walk in that very moment, no fuss to it.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
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this is a continuation of my previous blogs:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
Day 179 – I want to but I don’t want to
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
“This point has been a major issue for me, I always lived within a self definition that I lack the ability / intelligence / skill to build the bridge that will bring me from the idea to the manifestation of it. And now I see that this construct that I have accepted as myself even though it has brought me much suffering and frustration, I do not want to let go of - who will I be if I am capable of building this bridge? Why am I terrified of the idea of not existing in these limitations, why do I feel like these limitations protect me in any way - like there is something scary of being a success, being capable - it's like there is an inner knowing that if I let this down I will have no excuse and will be able to do anything - and this thought freaks me out.”
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a self belief that I lack the skill to "build the bridge" from idea to manifestation as physical reality, and within this belief I allow myself to experience myself as stuck when facing the steps that are required to be taken in order to complete the task, and thus, within believing and living out the self belief I create myself as it, thus, when and as I see myself experience myself as not knowing how to proceed within a belief that I am incapable because I lack the skill of "building the bridge" I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here as the physical, I allow myself to gather information within realizing that any journey / process is walked one step at a time, and all I must know / do is walk one step in front of the other, and so, I commit myself to stopping myself from participating in the back chat as not know how to build a bridge within realizing that I don't have to build a full bridge, all I must do is walk the first step, within self trust, and as I walk the first step the next step will open up, and step by step, I will walk, until the task is done - I realize that I cannot know now how I will do something that is in the future, I have never lived this life before, this is not a rehearsal for a scripted play, and thus, it makes no sense to expect of myself to know the future as to know that which I haven't walked yet, and the only thing that makes sense is to allow myself to walk one step at a time, breath by breath.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I haven't got the skills required to manifest my ideas into physical reality, and within this self belief I have gone through out my life coming up with ideas and letting them go without ever actually trying to take the steps to bring them to life in the physical, within believing that I am inadequate to do so, and so, allowing myself to be directed by the belief of inadequacy only to manifest myself as inadequate and so exist in an endless loop of believing myself as incapable and within this living as the expression of incapability to then prove my belief to be right and thus continue living / existing by it.
When and as I see myself going into the mind as back chat as self belief as telling myself that I lack the skill to manifest my ideas into reality, I stop myself and breathe, I recognize the character of "I don't know" and within recognizing the character I realize this is not me, as who I am, as I am not self directive as I participate and identify myself as a character of the mind - I thus realize this character is a form of self sabotage, it is not supporting not protecting me but rather limiting and sabotaging myself from fully expressing myself and walking as self empowerment as life. And so, I commit myself, when this character comes up within me, to stop myself in breath immediately and not allow myself to entertain such thoughts at all, and within removing the character I commit myself to investigate / find out what I must do / learn in order to know that which I had initially wanted to believe that I don't know, and thus walk myself through a process of learning, in order to be able to apply myself effectively
I realize that within participating in the belief that I am incapable of applying myself in order to bring to life any idea / decision I have, I am actually creating myself as the belief, where without my participation and acceptance of the belief I am limitless to do / learn / expand / experiment, and only within participating / accepting this belief do I end up proving it right through my deliberate application of not "stepping out" of the limitation defined within the belief - in other words, I realize that if I were not to participate, accept or entertain the belief that I am incapable, I would go ahead and do what eve it takes because it is only the belief that creates the doubt in my mind, the doubt which then is justified by the first failure, not actually giving the opportunity and space for trial and error as the natural way of learning and creating something new.
When and as I see myself going into the character as self belief of "I am incapable of manifesting this" or "I just don't know how to do this, I just lack the skill of manifesting an idea into reality" I stop myself and breathe, I do not allow myself to entertain such thoughts / self beliefs within realizing that I will create myself as the thoughts I participate in, and so, it isn't the thoughts that define me, but rather my participation and acceptance of the though - and so, as this thought is not self supportive but rather is limiting and self diminishing, there is no point in accepting it and creating myself as one and equal to/as it, and so, when and as I see tis line of thoughts coming up, I stop myself and within breath I look at the idea, I see if it is a common sense practical idea to pursue, if it stands in alignment with what is best for all, and if I find that it does, then I find a way to manifest it, by firstly researching the available data as the internet and learning more about the point, about the procedure, as well as by asking for help and guidance, or finding someone to collaborate with - thus, I commit myself that if an opportunity / idea comes up that is valid as aligned with the principle of equality as what is best for all life, I will not allow myself to give up within the self diminishing belief that I am too small and incapable to achieve / manifest this goal / idea, and instead I will find a practical way within the physical reality as the practical steps required to manifest the point into life. And so, I will not allow myself to be directed by the idea that I cannot, but instead will learn and find ways, apply creativity and ask for assistance, and as I walk, acquire the skills necessary to do so.
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Monday, March 25, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
Day 178 - I can only start Walking from Here
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
in the past few days i have been walking in writing the point of the experience of overwhelming resistance that has been coming up within me - i have been giving my power away to the resistance to take over me, i have been entertaining the resistance as i try to resist it and push through, but i end up giving up and allowing myself to be directed by it - and so each time i end up giving up - the resistance grows stronger, like bacteria that learns to be tolerant to antibiotics - each time i i don't push through, but just "give it a shot" only to then give up - the next time around the resistance is stronger and i am weaker...
a specific point i have been resisting is the writing of commitments statements, because i already saw that i am not actually applying myself, and so i didn't want to place in writing that which i already knew i will not stand as - and so, what i found here is that i have been writing corrective statements that are too "airy fairy" and not down to earth, and also not correlated to where i actually am within my process, like i would write commitments that i simply cannot stand as, setting myself up for failure - anyway, from airy fairy commitment i went to no commitments because i couldn't stand anymore writing them and knowing within myself that there is no chance of application, so now i am walking the process of stopping the resistance and pushing through as well as placing common sense and practical commitments that i can walk, that are grounded as to where i am in my process
i realize there was, and still is, self judgment towards "where i am in process" so this is another point to let go and not allow it to sabotage me - i guess i am learning to see the difference between the judgment that is me showing myself that i am being self dishonest and i better get my act together or i will live a life of shame, guilt and regret, and thus, i can use the self judgment as a tool, as an indication of where i must correct myself, so i can grow and expand and learn from it - and then there is the self judgment that it's only purpose is self punishment, self abuse, self diminishment, self sabotage - all within comparison to others, or to ideals i have created, whereas this self judgment is not valid as it is not supportive in anyway, and thus must be stopped.
so, here is some of my writing - i'll post it in sections as i continue walking / writing it out. i started with writing some points out for myself about wanting to change and walk this process but not wanting at the same time, and as i was writing about it all the reactions and resistances came up, so i had a cool opportunity to write about my experience in the moment, writing the resistance as the resistance was in my face. then i broke it down and added self forgiveness, and now i am writing for each self forgiveness statement a corrective statement, though in some cases more points open up...
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I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by what I "feel" like doing rather than directing myself according to principle as a directive decision
When and as I see myself going into the experience of "I feel like / I don't feel like" I stop myself and breathe, I realize I cannot trust myself within following what I feel / don't fee like because it is not within considering the actual reality, not considering myself and my best interest as life, and thus not considering what is best for all as life - I realize that within following what I feel / don't fee like I am compromising myself because it always leads to a path that is not self supportive in all ways, a path that is in some way self abusing and compromising / disregarding others, as it's an attempt of self interest, though it is only short term self interest, and so, I realize that by following what I feel / don't feel like, instead of following the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all life, and directing myself within self honesty, I am existing as the problem in this world and in my life, instead of standing as the solution, as a living example of how, if we all stop existing / following what we feel / don't feel like, and instead consider the physical reality, consider each other, and follow a principle that direct us to self support and support others as ourselves equally, to bring about a world that is best for all life, and exist as self honor, self respect instead of shame and regret.
Thus, I commit myself to, when I see myself going into the experience of wanting to do what I feel / don't feel like, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical as my physical body within breathing, and I ask myself what would be more beneficial in the long run, what course of action would make me experience regret, what is aligned in self honesty / self responsibility and what is in self interest - and within considering all these points, I remind myself that I am worth walking through some resistance for
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled and directed by what I feel like or don't feel like doing, not realizing that I am allowing myself to be directed by the mind in self interest, as the interest of the mind, as I have realized and seen that when I follow my "what I feel like or don't feel like" it is never actually in my own self benefit as self support, it is always a short lived satisfaction followed by consequences of regret, guilt and shame, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to follow my "feel like it and don't feel like it" instead of living within and as principle as the director of myself, within making a clear decision as to who I want to be and commit myself to myself, rather than allowing myself to follow blindly my mind, into self sabotage
when and as I see myself going into the experience / character of wanting to do only what I feel / don't feel like, I stop myself and breathe, I take a moment to look at the outflow / consequences of my actions (or lack of actions in the case of "I don't feel like), I ask myself in self honesty if this course of action will lead to shame, guilt and regret, and if the answer is yet, I commit myself to find another course of action that is aligned with who I am in self honesty, a course of action that is self empowering, self supportive and that is not harmful or abusive towards myself or others in any way. I realize that it will be hard at first, but the more I empower myself in not following what I feel / don't feel like, it will become easier, as I will become the directive principle of myself, as not following a random experience / thought / desire, but follow myself as who I really am, as walking a course of action that is actually in my best interest, and not in the interest of the mind as short term satisfactions generating energy and followed by the polarity of shame, guilt and regret.
Within this, I commit myself to "go easy" on myself, as to walk at my own pace, no expectations based on comparing myself to an ideal, but to actually walk in self honesty, and each day push more, but not push more than I can from a starting point of self judgment - and so, I commit myself to walk this process within gently embracing myself, as nurturing a struggling plant until it is standing stable as a strong tree
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk this process within the starting point of self, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to truly walk it for myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk it within the experience that I am being watched / judged and thus within fear of judgment, within fear of "what others will think about me" I allow myself to be motivated only when I know that someone will see if I don't do it, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing others in situations where I believe they would judge me or see me for my weakness, such as within my giving up, not realizing that it's not them that I need to explain myself to, it's myself, and they are only reflecting to me, as I am projecting on them, my own expectations, judgments and disappointments of and as myself.
*** this is a hard one for me- lots of resistance - back chat "how can I change from walking this for others to walking it for myself? How do I find that point of doing it for myself?"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the back chat as "how can I change from walking this for others to walking it for myself? How do I find that point of doing it for myself?" as the truth of me, and to believe that changing my starting point is something I don't know how to do, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect there to be a big and dramatic "doing" when it is actually a simple/small/delicate change in intention, there isn’t a doing besides making the decision within self and living it as self expression, it's a point of awareness, of intention, and so, the idea that I don't know how to do this cannot be real, because if I have it within myself to see the point as a problem / question, I must have it within me as directing my awareness as a solution
and so, when and as I see myself going into the experience character of walking this process / my life from any starting point other than for myself as myself as self support, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here in breath to my physical body, I realign myself and check / ask myself why am I doing / about to do / not doing , what is my starting point, is it fear / desire / pleasing another / expectation, within this I commit myself to, as I stop and take a moment within breath to investigate myself here, to direct myself according to what I would do as self support, what would I do if I were the person that I want to become, as a self responsible self respectful being that supports oneself and all life equally as one - what would I do then?
I realize that any fear of judgment is reflecting my own self judgment, and thus, I can use the self judgment that comes up as an experience of being judged / watched, as a supportive tool within my process, as to allow myself to see what am I judging and within self honesty to make a clear decision whether this is a valid point as showing myself that I need to step up my application or it is not a valid point as it is within comparison and self diminishment - and so, when and as I see myself going into fear of judgment from others, I stop and breathe, I realize I am facing an opportunity of seeing myself as I am reflected within this judgment, and thus I stop and take a moment to look at the point in clarity and within breath, and allow myself to decide / chose a new course of action that will support me and will be aligned with the principle of equality and oneness as what is best for all life
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk my process within a starting point of self, as self support, as realizing that this is how I can give myself back to myself and rebirth myself as self honor / respect within taking self responsibility for / as myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to instead of walking this process for and as myself I have been walking it in projecting my own self judgment onto others and fear that judgment, and thus walk within the attempt to avoided receiving this judgment from others, and thus only do that which others may see and judge, while not do that which is truly for myself, even though I see, and I know that I have not walked the point, yet I have created myself in separation of myself to a point where I do not see that it is me that I am walking for, and thus disregard my seeing of self, and only allow myself to be motivated / moved by others seeing me
I realize that any point within me is pointing out a relationship I am holding within myself, and am restricting / limiting myself within this relationship, as I exist in relation to the point, in separation of/from it - I realize that within walking my process in an attempt to avoid any judgment from others what I am showing myself is that I am not ready / willing to face my own self judgment, and I am actually hiding from it, from myself, and so, in a process to becoming one with myself, I must use all of myself that is here in order to see / face / know myself, and so, when and as I see myself doing anything within a starting point of what will others think of me, I stop myself and breathe, I ask myself within breath in self honesty, if I can do this within the starting point of self support as what is best for all life then I will go ahead and do it, and if there is no point of self support and it is only "for others" then I stop my participation - and so, I use the initial point of projected self judgment as a tool of self support, as to investigate what I am doing and participating within, and deliberately in awareness changing my starting point to be for / of / as self.
I realize I have been existing in an idea that this stuff should happen magically, I didn't consider myself as being directive, I didn't understand what it means, and now I see that it is a point of being here with myself, having my awareness here with myself as the physical, and so by asking myself questions I am bringing my awareness back here as the first step in making a directive decision and living it
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of resistance due to reading an email with a suggestion for an assignment
I realize that when my relationship towards something changes due to reading an email it is not me directing myself in awareness but am allowing myself to be directed / controlled by the mind in energy, and so, as it is of the mind and not a physical fact / reality, I have the choice of participation, and so, I realize that such points are a point of transformation, as only by walking through the resistance of the mind will I claim my power back, and so it must be done - when and as I see clearly that my actions / experience is suddenly changed I know it is a mind reaction and thus I breathe and direct myself to continue with what I had planed / decided upon prior to the mind possession, and so, I either take a break to write and breathe and clear myself form the possession, or I simply push through in that moment - thus, when I see myself reacting, as changing my entire experience towards the situation / a point, I know I am not self directive but am allowing myself to be manipulated by the deceptions / self interest of the mind, and so I stop and breathe, focus on my breath, and direct myself to return here to myself as my physical body, as this is the highest priority - returning to myself in breath and stopping the back chat that is fueling the mind / energy - and so I stop and breathe and don't participate in back chat, I return here to my body in breath and breathe until I am stable to make a directive decision as to where / how to continue.
I have found that I always know that I am running away, as I am running away, and so the problem isn't noticing what I'm doing, the problem is to actually take the moment and breathe, and be strong enough to change the direction of my actions, and this strength comes from self care which will be built the more I care about myself - it's a loop the feeds itself - the more I care about myself and act in self support the more I will actually care and the more strength I will have for the next time,
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to walk this process as to understand this point of why / how I am allowing myself to be directed by resistance, and yet not be willing to actually walk it, as, not be willing to take the time and walk the practical physical steps that it takes to accomplish the task, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see and realize the practical physical steps required to actually walk the point, and thus I allow myself to "oh, I want to do this" without taking into consideration and actually accepting the practical physical steps that are required to be walked, and so, when the steps are here for me to walk, as to sit and do the writing, and face myself, and breathe, and slow down, and open up… I resist it, because it isn't what I had signed up for, because I was living in an idea, as an illusion, of wanting things and hoping that just through wanting they will manifest magically, and thus not be ready to actually walk the point into creation.
I realize that anything that is to be walked in the physical will have to be walked through a process in space time, and thus, nothing will be immediate as magic, which is a cool indication as to recognize what is real and what is of the mind, for what is real will take time as a physical process, whereas within the mind I can go from happy to sad without any process just by being triggered in a moment - and so, when and as I see myself or my relationship to the situation or another being change in a moment, I stop myself and breathe, I realize it is a mind trick and is not real as a physical change, it cannot be trusted and thus I mustn't participate with it as an act of self integrity, and on the other hand, when I see a point requires time, effort and attention within a physical real time/space reality process, I may investigate if this is a point worth walking, because it has "past the test" of realness as it is aligned with physicality as a process that actually takes time and effort - when and as I am faced with walking a point that requires time, effort, dedication I realize this is something real and as such, deserves my investigation of whether to participate or not, and if I decide to participate it is within realizing that anything worth doing will take time, effort, dedication, as that is how the physical moves
*** this point is hard for me - unclear - resistance!!!!!!! I am totally restless!!!!
I am breathing, did a handstand -now I continue
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be directed and distracted by this background noise of resistance as discomfort, instead of directing myself within force and not stopping until I push this resistance away
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing any excuse to be valid as a justification to take a break and stop, not realizing that every time I give in to excuses / distractions / justifications I am setting the bar higher, and next time I will have to walk through a greater excuse / justification, as this will not end until I end it - and so I realize if I want to stop dancing this dance with resistance, I must stop playing it hard to get and actually stating a clear and steady NO. (lol, I like the analogy)
I realize as long as I don't stop and direct myself it will only get harder and harder, I realize it will be hard and painful and thus to support myself in pain and discomfort I have breath, and so when and as I experience pain and discomfort I within breath see if I am resisting something of what I am doing or intending to do, and if I see there is a point of resistance, and that my physical body is expressing this resistance for me to see, I push myself to continue in breath, despite the discomfort, as I have directed myself to do so, and then once I am done or satisfied I am done for the moment, then I investigate the point of resistance. Or, if the discomfort is overwhelming, I stop what I'm doing and investigate the resistance as the expression of discomfort / pain in that very moment, as to find the source / reason and clear myself form it so that I can continue.
Now, lets see if I can do this now - my legs are giving me great discomfort - this is the main excuse coming up within me as to not continue writing - the last statement I was working with was in regards to actually physically doing what needs to be done in the physical, as for instance sitting by the computer for hours and actually being focused and effective, it's a point of grounding myself, as not to stay in the fantasy of desire / good idea, but actually come down to earth and do what it physically takes to get this point done in reality, it's a slowing down and coming down from the cloud, it's a point of laziness - so, it's a combination of not wanting to let go the fun of getting excited about ideas as well as not wanting to let go the laziness as an excuse to not manifest these ideas, as I want to manifest them but do not want to commit myself for the effort - so the resistance is not wanting to let this go - do I enjoy this construct? No I don't! why not? Because I end up doing nothing, I am a bitch to my resistance, so I am a dreamer and not a doer, always wanting and having ideas that I can't create because I have never allowed myself to physically build the bridge.
This point has been a major issue for me, I always lived within a self definition that I lack the ability / intelligence / skill to build the bridge that will bring me from the idea to the manifestation of it. And now I see that this construct that I have accepted as myself even though it has brought me much suffering and frustration, I do not want to let go of - who will I be if I am capable of building this bridge? Why am I terrified of the idea of not existing in these limitations, why do I feel like these limitations protect me in any way - like there is something scary of being a success, being capable - it's like there is an inner knowing that if I let this down I will have no excuse and will be able to do anything - and this thought freaks me out.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, March 21, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write and state for myself my self commitments as practical livable solutions to support myself in changing from a being that participates in self sabotage and self abuse to a being that lives the example of self support and self honor / respect
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the self forgiveness statement yet leave them "bare" and not complete them with the directive understanding, decision and commitment as to how I would change practically
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only self forgiveness is not enough for self to change - one must actually walk the correction in the physical reality as the expression of self, whereas the self commitment statements allow one to see and prepare self as to how one would do so, within and through writing the point as a self corrective statements, one can see more points of reaction within self, and more specific details as to what / when / how / where one must do to correct oneself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write self corrective statements within a starting point of not trusting myself that I will actually do them, and thus to exist within a self belief that I will let myself down and within this belief I do not push myself to even try because I fear failing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self judgment for failing myself, and thus, instead of giving myself the opportunity to write the commitment and to see how I handle it, to then allow myself to learn about myself through whether I apply the correction or not - instead of allowing myself to try and learn from what I now perceive as a failure, I have not allowed myself to even try, and so I avoid the possibility of failing- but within this I destroy the possibility of actually changing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this is a process, and within this process I am preparing myself through the tool of writing of self forgiveness and corrective statements, and thus, when I go into self judgment for not applying the corrective statement I am participating in the mind within not trusting myself and the process as myself, and within expectations which only create another relationship and thus personality in regards to my own application, tying myself down to another pattern of thought / emotion / feeling / back chat, instead of releasing myself - and thus, within this I realize that I must walk this process without the burden of expectation, but within giving myself the time and dedicating myself to the application, as to do what I can do in the moment without the future projections as fear and expectation, that hinder my self application here.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have been writing commitments in self dishonesty, from the perspective of not writing commitments that I can in fact walk as who I am, but writing them as a future projection, as what I would commit myself to when / as I change - but, in order to "get there" I realize I must draw the map for myself and then walk it, and by drawing the next piece of the map, without walking where I am, is another form of self sabotage, because obviously I cannot walk where I am not - I can only walk from the point I am at.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be more than myself within writing commitments that are not aligned with where I actually am but rather with where I want to be, which on the one hand it's cool to know where I'm going, but on the other hand, in order to get there I must be willing to admit to where I am now without judging myself but simply within realizing and facing who / what / where I am at this very moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself within my process in writing commitment statements that do not reflect where I am at now and thus do not support me in walking from where I am here, but rather create a situation that I cannot walk the commitment as I am not "there" yet, and so I create frustration and resentment within myself towards myself my experience and my process - while all could have been prevented if I were to write within self honesty, within realizing this is a process, and committing myself to the process, to myself, to walk from where I am now, within allowing myself to see where I am now, and not within wanting to be someone / somewhere that I am not - as that is self dishonesty and creates consequences as inner conflict / friction
more on this point to come…
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
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Also, Please check out the following Links:
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