Friday, January 4, 2013
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 – Appearance
Day 131 - Self judgment - Part 3 – Appearance - Part 2
Day 132 - Self judgment - Part 4 - Appearance - Part 3
Day 133 - Self judgment - Part 5 – Designing myself as the appearance construct
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react when being told my sister is pretty
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into comparison when being told my sister is pretty within believing that the fact that they are saying my sister is pretty actually means that I am not, other wise they would have told me I am pretty
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel badly when being told my sister is pretty within taking personally the fact that I wasn't told
I forgive myself that for accepting and allowing myself to desire to be seen as pretty within giving value to appearance
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to appearance within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give value to what people think about me and specifically about my appearance
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed within my experience of myself based on what I believe others think about me and specifically about my appearance
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a positive experience when receiving positive feedback from others in regards to my appearance and go into a negative experience within myself when believing that others opinion about my appearance is negative
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question my belief in the value of appearance and I have simply accepted it within seeing everyone around me giving value to appearance
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be hypnotized by the media as they feed me with an ideal beauty image and I accept it as my own, and thus compare myself to that beauty image and judge myself accordingly
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define my sister as beautiful and within that to define myself as not
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be jealous of my sister for being pretty and for having others express how pretty she is, within the desire to be seen as pretty as well
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore all the times I was told I was pretty because I didn't believe it to be true because I had already decided about myself that I am not, and thus every time someone tells me I am pretty I feel they are taking pity on me and are telling me just so I would feel better about myself, but that it's not in fact true
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react every time my dad would tell me I'm pretty because I felt like he is just saying it cause he's my dad and not because he actually believes it, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that he is saying it now, when I'm an adult, to make up for not telling me when I was a child, although I don't really remember if he did or didn't, I just know I didn't feel pretty
forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience myself as the ugly duckling that was seen as ugly as a child and now in adulthood is pretty, but within this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to let go the experience of being ugly as a child and thus when I am being told I am pretty now I cannot enjoy it or believe it because deep down I feel ugly
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to enjoy myself unconditionally but instead I have conditioned myself to enjoy myself only if I feel good about myself and believe myself to be pretty, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to determine my self enjoyment on whether I believe I am pretty or not, and thus defining within myself and existing within the idea that only pretty people deserve to enjoy themselves
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the belief that only pretty people should enjoy themselves and thus when I don't feel pretty I don't allow myself to enjoy myself because I allow myself to occupy myself in back chat of self judgment instead of letting go of the whole ideal of beauty and within that the judgment that goes with it, and simply enjoy myself here within and as the body that is me, realizing that self enjoyment is not defined by beauty but rather by my relationship to myself, and thus regardless of how I actually look, my self enjoyment is my responsibility in every breath and is not actually determined by what I look like but rather by how I see myself whether in judgment or not
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