Day 142 – Always in the wrong place at the wrong time

this blog is continuing my previous blogs:

Day 139 - The grass is always greener on the other side

Day 140 - the grass is always greener in someone else's conversation

Day 141 - correcting the grass on my side

 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a constant experience as being in the wrong place at the wrong time, within judging where I'm at in comparison to where I could have been, within defining where I'm at as lesser than where I could have been, thus experiencing myself as missing out, within this

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the constant experience that I made the wrong choice, and if only I had done things differently I would be in the right place, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am doomed to always make the wrong choices, and end up in the wrong place at the wrong time - within this I realize that as long as I allow myself to experience myself as missing out, it will not matter which choice I make, because I will never be able to be everywhere and do everything, thus I realize it's not about what choice I make, but about not actually making a directive choice, as I have been waiting for the best opportunity, afraid to commit and limit myself in a choice, as to keep my options open, not realizing that by doing so I have been trapping myself in the construct and experience of missing out, which I now realize that by making directive decisions within a starting point of self honesty I cannot make the "wrong" decision, but only walk every moment as it unfolds and stand stable and face the outflows / consequences of my decisions and actions, within this I commit myself to investigate my decision making, and see where this experience comes up as an indication of a decision not made within self honesty - thus I commit myself to investigate the point and correct myself within it

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be content within where I am and what I am doing, and to judge where I am and what I am doing in comparison to what other people are doing and other options I might have had for activities, within the comparison I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tend to victimize myself within the constant conclusion that someone else is in a better position than me, and I could have been there if I had made other choices

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life situation in relation to others, in regards to what we have, what we are doing, and where we are at, who we are with, thus looking at the object of the relationship instead of the relationship itself, as to see who we are within the relationship towards the object

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that it's not about the object, but rather the relationship to the object, thus it's not about where I am and who I am with but my relationship to where I am and who I am with, and thus, who I am within myself in different places with different people

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others, while not realizing that I have been busy comparing that which is irrelevant as the circumstances of the situation, as where / who / when… instead of looking at who I am in relationship to the circumstances, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that, that which is relevant as who I am in relationship to everything is non comparable, thus, either way, comparing is a distraction, a dead end, bus with it while allowing myself miss out on myself, as the life I am apparently living while to busy to notice myself within my life because I am too busy looking outside of myself at others in comparison

I realize that I cannot physically be at more than one place at a time, as within the limitations of this physical reality in which we exist in, thus, I realize that I must make choices, as to place myself where I want / need to be, and within that realize that I cannot split myself into two places, thus, I realize that the problem isn't not being able to be everywhere I want / need to be, because it will not always be physically practically possible, the problem is who I am within it, as I have been allowing myself to take it personally, to experience myself as missing out, while, yes, I will always be missing out on all that I cannot physically get to, but the energetic experience that I have connected to missing out is in my power to stop, as it has no actual physical validity, as it is an experience, interpreted by the mind, and not an actual component of the physical reality, thus, when and as I see myself going into the experience of missing out, I stop myself and breathe, I realize I can only be in one place at a time, and within breath, I ground myself here, to make the most of where I am at, and not allow myself to miss out on being here through going off in the mind about illusionary unrealistic day dreaming, thus, I commit myself to when I find myself going into the mind as the experience of missing out, I stop, I breathe, and push myself to place myself here in the totality of myself, as where I am at.

I realize that this experience of being in the wrong place at the wrong time is based in not making a directive decision and standing by it, within this, I commit myself to become more assertive with myself, and to become the directive principle of and as myself, and to allow myself to make directive decisions within facing the consequences of my actions, from the perspective, of realizing that each decision I make will have an outflow, and I must be willing to stand stable as the outflow of my actions and decisions unfold - thus, to support myself, I commit myself to stop myself from making rash decisions and actually consider all elements within making a decision as to have the entire picture, and to make a clear decision as to where I want to go, where I want to be, who to be with and so on - to make a clear decision within breath, and within breath stand by it as it unfolds. I commit myself to make decisions within self honesty, as to eliminate the guilt / shame / regret of making decisions from a starting point of self interest, and within making decisions within self honesty within the principle of what is best for all, I will trust myself to stand by my decisions.

I realize that when I go into my mind as the experience of missing out, it is from a starting point of self interest, as I am not considering all that is here but only considering myself and my desires, within realizing this, I commit myself to, when going into the experience of missing out, I stop myself and breath, I remind myself that I am not the most important person in the world, I am equal to all that are here, and thus my preferences are not more important than anyone else's, within realizing this I humble myself, and allow myself to let go the experience of missing out and embrace what is here in breath and gratitude , I push myself to make the best of the situation, be the best in the situation as to serve myself and all as only through applying myself at my highest performance, here in every moment, will I be walking the principle of doing / being what is best for all

I realize this construct is working on me as a program, as I have created it through holding on to a memory or accumulation of memories that I don't recall yet they direct me through my reliving the experience over and over, thus, I commit myself to investigate childhood memories, as to shed more light on this construct and it's origin, as well as I commit myself to stop my participation with it through stopping the thoughts, not allowing myself to play along with it, through writing myself out, forgiving myself and breathing to stabilize myself here