Sunday, January 13, 2013

Day 138 - opinions, arguments and fear of conflict - realizations

this blog follows the previous blog, i invite you to read it as well


I realize that holding on to my opinion in an argument causes inner and external conflict and does not stand within the principle of equality and oneness, as the reason for me to hold on in energy to my opinion is within self interest within the desire to be right, I realize that within holding on to my opinion I am not allowing myself to be open and actually listen to what is being said by others and thus am limiting myself from expanding and learning from others and preventing from myself and the rest in the situation to perfect the solution as a combined effort of all involved, within this I commit myself to, when and as I see myself holding on to my opinion, I stop myself and breathe, I allow myself to listen to what is being said and instead of repeating my opinion within the desire to convince, I rather ask questions to actually genuinely try to understand what others are saying in order to come to an agreement that is actually best for all in common sense and not just to fight for my opinion in self interest


I realize that by not actually saying what I have to say within trying to avoid an argument, I am actually creating miscommunication as I am not allowing myself to be clear and direct due to fear of conflict within the idea that arguments/conflicts are bad, I realize that it's not about arguments being good or bad, it's about who I am within them, and thus, if I fight for my opinion the argument will become a war zone, but if I am here in stability and stating directly what I want to say, and there is disagreement and an argument, then that is fine, as we learn to perfect our communication each in their own process, but until then, argument will be part of allowing one self to express oneself regardless of people disagreeing, as this is a point of standing up, not within energy as the desire to be right, but within self honesty as allowing free self expression. Thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to suppress myself from expressing myself within fear of conflict and disagreement, I realize the fear is based on being shut down by others but what I have been doing is shutting myself down, and thus, I commit myself to, when and as I see myself stopping myself from expressing myself from fear of conflict / disagreement, I breathe and stop the back chat of fear, I check myself to see that I am not reacting, and allow myself to speak up, as I realize that only by actually physically walking through the fear of conflict will I be able to prove to myself that I am over it and can stand stable and direct myself and not be directed by fear and thus not allow fear dictate who I am within a conversation


I realize that by suppressing myself from actually saying what it is I have to say I am creating unnecessary back chat within me and inner conflict as I keep repeating in my mind what I could have and should have said but didn't, thus I realize that within the principle of prevention as the best cure, it would be most supportive to actually say what I have to say and trust myself to stand in the face of any disagreement if it comes up, within this I see that I fear disagreement as I take it personally, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take disagreement personally within believing that it's not my statement that is rejected but me, I commit myself to support myself through speaking up and if disagreement come up I commit myself to breathe and not allow myself to go into the mind within reaction as back chat, within this, I commit myself to stay silent when and as I see myself going into reaction because I see, realize and understand that speaking from within energetic reaction causes conflict and consequences, so better to sort it out with myself, as to walk the self forgiveness in regards my reaction, and bring up the point if and when I see fit when I trust myself to be clear, and not react in taking it personally if / when a disagreement come up


I realize that by allowing myself to be directed by the fear of conflict I am actually creating conflict in my life, thus, when and as I see myself keeping quiet or manipulating my words within fear of conflict, I commit myself to take a few deep breaths, and push myself to walk through the fear, because I realize that only through pushing myself to walk through the fear within self direction will I build self trust and in time, within the accumulation effect, I will rid myself from the fear of conflict because I have proven to myself that I can stand within it, and thus, I realize that only by walking through the fear in actual physicality will I be able to transcend the point of fear that I have allowed to direct me, and stand in stability and self trust as what is best for all


I realize that other people may be holing on to their opinions within energy, thus, when and as I see myself facing a being that is holding on to their opinion, I make sure I don't participate as not allowing myself to try to convince within wanting to prove my point, thus, when and as I am faced with a being that is holding on to their opinion and is closed off from listening to any common sense, I make sure I am here in stability and breathing, I say what I have to say, but do not engage in an argument as it would be counter productive and only ignite more energy and can become nasty, thus in such situations I remove myself from the argument / discussion as I have nothing to prove and will not allow myself to go into the same state of mind as fighting for my opinion, thus, when and as I see someone else holding on to their opinion, I take it as an opportunity to check myself and make sure I am standing here, in breath, in stability, and can in any moment leave the conversation within going into energy of lose, as that would indicate that I was as well holding onto my desire to be right, and if so, I commit myself to walk the self forgiveness and invite the next situation to correct myself within in the physical, within this, I see the pattern within myself as going into superiority for being the stable one, and for the other to be in reaction, thus, when and as I see myself going into such an experience, I stop myself and breathe, I allow myself to be humble as this being has allowed myself to see another piece of my own puzzle that I might have missed if it wasn't due to their reaction, thus I commit myself to stop any superiority and integrate an expression of gratefulness towards them and towards myself for allowing myself to see the reaction as superiority coming up within me.


I realize this construct of opinion, conflict and arguments has many layers that are intertwined, and I see within me the pattern of becoming overwhelmed within creating ideas that I should have stopped already holding on to opinions before I can speak up, but I realize this is a mind manipulation, I realize that I will speak from energy as holding on to opinions in order to actually speak up and push through the fear of conflict, I realize I will make many mistakes along the way as I realize this is a process, and I will not magically change over night, as I have created myself as all these constructs over many years, and it will take many years for me to repeat the correction over and over until I have integrated it as myself, thus, I commit myself to not allow the mind to distract me from walking this point through presenting all the things I am doing wrong and have not yet transcended, because I realize that I must make these mistakes in order for me to stand up from them and correct myself accordingly - thus, I embrace any mistake I make as a gift of showing me another piece of the puzzle of myself, to piece by piece put myself back together again to become one and equal within and as myself, and through knowing myself, through allowing myself to make many mistakes within this process, I will empower myself and build self trust, self respect, and become self directive, as I realize that only through learning myself in self honesty and correcting myself, mistake after mistake, will I be sure to never again make the same mistake.


I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that when I fear conflict and thus do not allow myself to state what I have to say there is self dishonesty within it, as there is a point of self interest within my holding onto my opinion that I have not allowed myself to see, within this I realize that I have been hiding the point of self interest from myself and especially from others, as to seem nice and considerate, and to do so I have allowed myself to manipulate my words to seem like a win-win solution when in fact I have my self interest in mind, thus, when and as I see myself manipulating my world to seem more nice, I stop myself immediately and breathe, I realize I am hiding self interest other wise I would have allowed myself to speak directly, thus I see that going around and about the point I want to say indicates hidden self interest, and due to lack of effective communication causes conflict and friction, within this I commit myself to when and as I see myself going around the point, to stop myself and breathe, to investigate there and then what is the self interest I am hiding, and to allow myself to let it go and align myself with that which is best for all, within this


I realize that I might not be able to let it go there and then without further self investigation as writing and self forgiveness, and thus, in such situations, I commit myself to stop myself and breathe, and to express to the other being what I am really trying to achieve, within this realizing that I am not doing so within the starting point of actually getting it, but rather from a starting point of clearing the air, to be able to continue the conversation as I realize that when I am within energy and speaking to another I am influencing them, and thus am responsible for the reaction within and as them, within this I realize that once I see my self interest, sharing it with the other being, if appropriate, can support them to release the energy that might have been building up, and so we can start a fresh page in communication.


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