Wednesday, January 16, 2013
this blog is continuing my previous blogs:
Day 139 - The grass is always greener on the other side
Day 140 - the grass is always greener in someone else's conversation
I realize that while experiencing myself as missing out on something out there, I am in fact allowing myself to miss out on what is here, as myself, as the very essence of life as each breath I take, thus while allowing myself to be busy in my mind as the experience of missing out, I am actually manifesting myself as the expression of missing out, within this I realize that I have been allowing myself to be directed and manipulated by the mind, as a means of separation, as keeping me separated from myself through believing I am missing out on something out there, while ignoring everything that is here, thus, disregarding myself.
When and as I see myself going into the experience of missing out on something out there, I stop myself and breathe, and within breath I look at what is here, what I have allowed myself to actually miss out on through the quest of finding something better, I stop myself and breathe and look at what is here that I have overlooked and have been taking for granted.
I commit myself to ground myself back here, within and as my physical body, in breath, to stop the mind as the thoughts of missing out, as I realize that only through allowing and participating with the thoughts do I end up experiencing the missing out experience, and without the thoughts there would be no such experience. I commit myself to breathe until the experience of missing out is no longer in control of me and I trust myself that I am stable here, I commit myself to push through the temptation to follow the thoughts and justification as to why I am missing out, within believing what comes up within me as the mind, but I realize that all that is coming up is not self directed and thus is not me, I am allowing it to exist within me, and once I see the destructive nature of it, as I do, there is no point or reason to continue entertaining such thoughts, allowing them would be self abuse - thus, I commit myself to stop them as I see them come up, and focus on my physical body within breath, as self support.
I realize that when I'm engaged in a conversation with someone but am only half into it because I am searching around for a better conversation, I am sabotaging the conversation I am in within disregarding the being sitting in front of me, within this I realize that through not being here with the being in the totality of me, I am not treating them as I would like to be treated, within this I am not aware of the consequences this will have as I am ignoring the other being and actually do not care for them at that moment because I am only focused on my self interest as to get the best for myself, thus, within the principle of "do onto another that which you would like them to do onto you" I commit myself , when seeing myself fading out of a conversation and going into search of a better one, to stop myself and breathe, and return here to myself and the conversation I am in, and to give my total attention to the being I am with - I realize that I have been diminishing the being I am with, and thus participating in superiority, as if they are not good enough for me, I realize that by doing so I am robbing myself the opportunity of learning from the being I am with, and expanding within / as myself in the conversation I am in - within this I realize that I have not allowed myself to be the self directive principle of/as myself, but have allowed myself to be directed by the mind in self interest, thus, within the principle of "what is best for all" I commit myself to treat all as I would like to be treated, to respect all as I would like to be respected, and thus, to establish self dignity and self respect through giving dignity and respect to all as equals as myself.
I realize this construct of believing I am missing out and experience of discontent from the conversation I am in, is a reflection of my won self discontent, thus, I realize that when I am not here but rather focusing my attention on looking for something better out there, I am actually showing myself that I am not here with myself because I have created and placed myself as inferior to the idea I have about what is out there, I realize that as long as I don't build self value, I will always look for something better out there instead of realizing that I must learn to value and care for myself, and once I do I will no longer search out there because I will have found myself, thus, I commit myself to walk the process of writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements on points that I see that I am not aligned with myself, as points of self judgment as discontent, I commit myself to walk the process of equality as to become one and equal within and as myself, and in turn one and equal to all that is here, within this I realize that the first step is to stop my participation with the mind as it has proven time after time to be driven by self interest and does not consider myself as life, and anyone else, thus, I realize my participation with the mind is the core source of my self-rejection, and only through stopping my participation with thoughts, beliefs, emotions, feelings will I find myself, the "who I am" behind the veil of lies I have been living as.
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