Tuesday, March 19, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as weak, and within accepting myself as weak I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself to stand, to change, to walk, to stop my participation within / as the mind, to stop the self judgment, to stop the procrastination, to stop the giving up
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself, as to actually put in the effort, dedication and commitment to push myself, to motivate myself, to move myself
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to find my "inner force" of which to push myself from, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in separation from my "inner force" as within a belief that there is a force separate from me, that I must find within myself and use, instead of realizing myself as one and equal with the force as myself, and thus realize that it isn't a separate force that must be found within myself but rather it is I that I mist find within self honesty, and within realizing myself as who I am and what I have become, to from knowing myself become the strength of me as me, not in separation, but as the living expression as me.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to push myself beyond my comfort zone, to push myself through the resistance, and within this allowing the force of the mind, as resistance to movement, to direct and control me, to force me into stagnation, not realizing that the force of the mind is in fact using my force as myself as my physical body, and thus, it's the greatest self manipulation / deception, as I am avoiding using my force on the one hand, and on the other hand my force is being used against me as my mind as resistance as myself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that in every moment of every breath I am in fact making a choice, I am either directing myself or allowing myself to be directed by the mind as following my feelings / emotions / thoughts / beliefs / fears / resistances and so on, and within allowing myself to be directed and controlled by the mind, as the choice I make in each moment, I am allowing myself to exist in consequences where I, and others, pay the price for my actions and words
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am not changing because it is time for action yet I am not taking action, and thus I am allowing myself to exist in inner conflict as I know what I must do yet I don't allow myself to do it as practical physical application, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, when opportunity presents itself, as an opportunity I can walk out of my pattern as giving up / procrastination / self judgment and so on, instead of standing up within myself, I allow myself to give up once again, knowing in full awareness that I am harming myself, knowing in full awareness that I am going against myself, yet I do not stand and do not walk the practical application
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately give myself excuses and justifications and reasons and distractions as to not do that which I know I must do, to not dedicate in practicality to that which I know I must dedicate myself to - and thus, with every moment of every day I am allowing myself to drift further away from myself as myself in self honesty, as I grow the gap between myself as who I am and myself as who I want to become as self expression of self honesty and self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself deliberately as I see an opportunity of change and don't take it, and as I see it pass by me I take into consideration and calculate the price I will pay as self judgment, though I do not allow myself to see the entire picture, and so I am blinded by self interest within making the short term calculation of "oh, then I will not apply myself now and will experience some self judgment, I can take it" not seeing that it's not all about how I will experience myself for a few moments, because every moment that I allow myself to be directed by the mind I weaken myself as life, I abuse myself as life, I disregard myself as life, and thus I allow within my acceptance for all to participate in such construct, as I give my permission through my example of disregarding / abusing / weakening life itself - and so, I make my decision based on short sighted self interest, not allowing myself to see and realize the actual consequences of my participation within giving up as self diminishment - not even seeing the actual harm and abuse I am causing myself, never mind any body else - and so I make this decision blinded, within ignorance is bliss, but within myself in self honesty I know I must stand up for life as myself, though I am too careless to care enough about myself or anyone in existence.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, over the years, program myself to such an extent of enslavement to the mind, as to not care about myself or anything / anyone in existence, to not care for life, and so, I exist only within self interest of the mind, pretending to care, pretending to be good, when I do not even allow myself to do the one most basic thing as to care for myself, to look after myself in self respect self honor and self dignity, within living as an example of self responsibility in self honesty - where, as long as I can't live as self expression of self care / honor / respect, how can I ever believe myself to be anything but self interest and pure evil - just as a mother that will not care or her children, abuse them and disregard their life - as that mother towards her child - I am towards myself - and it is equally unacceptable and a reflection of the evil ways of self interest.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to come to this conclusion time and time again, yet, when the point is here for me to stand up for myself, to stand up and support myself through self corrective application, as to write myself out, to self investigate any reaction that come up within me, to forgive myself and correct myself in breath - when these opportunities arrive, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to direct myself to walk these points, but instead to ignore them as myself time and time again, not realizing that I am deeming myself into a time lop, as the point will be walked sooner or later, and thus, every time I miss the opportunity I am simply delaying the next point to open up, while inviting this one to open up with greater force
I realize I have been avoiding looking at the specifics of this point, as opening up the dimensions as the actual back chat, thoughts, imaginations, connection, definitions, fears - all points as the specific mind components that have been building up this point of giving up, as not applying myself, as self sabotaging my process, and so, I commit myself to walk this point through in all it's dimensions, because I realize that without seeing all the small details of this point I will not be able to free myself from it.
To be continued
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1 comments:
I like this a lot. Good work.
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