My journey to life: Day 101 - What is REAL - Part 2

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Posted by Maya R at 12:46 PM Labels: believing, critical resoning, critical thinking, deception, desteni, emotions, feelings, following, illusion, mind, question, real, reality, self creation, self definition, self forgiveness, self responsibility, thoughts

Day 101 - What is REAL - Part 2 - Self Forgiveness

this is a continuation of my previous blog:

Day 100 - What is REAL

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live within the illusion of the mind instead of living here within/as the physical in oneness and equality to/as/with all that is here

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ever question reality and simply accept it as it has been shown to me by my parents and society, within this simply accepting the world as it is within all the atrocities and abuse, and not once questioning human nature as the cause of it and looking at what needs to be done and how we need to change in order to fix up this world and create a world that is worth living in for all life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am the mind, that I am my thoughts/feelings/emotions, and within that allowing myself to be directed by my thoughts/feelings/emotions, while only considering myself as part of the equation and disregarding the physical reality as all the other beings that exist here equally with me, within this I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that all that I have been existing as and believing in has been an illusion, an illusion that is based on self interest through using manipulation/deception to fulfill the desire to feel good, within accepting separation as the truth of existence

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see the abuse I am creating through my participation within/as the mind, through allowing myself to be directed within self interest by the emotions/feelings/thoughts that come up within me uncontrollably, while disregarding common sense, disregarding the physical reality as the earth and nature and other living beings, all in the pursue of happiness, within this

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I am participating within/as the mind as self interest, I am giving my permission and appruval for all to exist within self interest, and thus am allowing any form of self interest to exist, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the very self interest that I am participating within as the mind, is not actually in my best interest because it is and always has been creating conflict in my life, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the very nature and structure of the mind is based on conflict / friction / separation / polarity and thus will never bring about an ease, not within my life and not within the world as a whole, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the very nature of the mind is to create and thrive off of energy that is created through the substance of my physical body and thus abusing/destroying the very body I exist in

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize I am my body, one and equal to/as my body, and within that to realize that any abuse I am inflicting on my body is actual self abuse, but I haven’t allowed myself to realize this because I have been existing within a value system that values the mind more than life, and thus I have allowed myself to disregard my body, as well as the physical existence and to give my attention to only that which goes on in my mind within energy, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that I have been addicted to the energy of the mind, like a drug that has been blurring my vision to ignore the physical reality as what is here and to exist in a bubble created by my mind through my allowance and participation

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate with my hidden/secret thoughts/feelings/emotions, within believing that I have a right to my privacy and to protect my hidden/secret mind, not realizing that by hiding myself I am making a statement that I am actually participating in deception/manipulation/abuse and want to protect myself as I deceive/abuse/manipulate others, within that I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the very nature and design of secrets implies shame, thus through participating and justifying the secret mind I have been hiding from myself that I am in fact ashamed of who I am and what I do, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself in shame, instead of facing myself within/as self honesty, to be able to change myself and become a human being that lives as respect/dignity as a living expression of that which is best for all, and thus doesn't need to hide in separation within the secret mind, because there would be nothing to hide, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that the mind, within it's hidden most darkest corners has always been showing me it's true nature of deception/manipulation/abuse, and that I have always been brainwashed, not practicing critical reasoning, but simply eating up whatever my parents/society have taught me, as accepting and legitimizing the pursue of happiness as a valid goal, while blindly following our emotions/feelings/thoughts, not seeing that if we only stopped holding on to ourselves as the mind, we could realize equality and oneness, as what is really here, as the physical, as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give my power away to the mind, as allowing myself to become possessed with energy / thoughts / back chat / judgments / emotions / feelings, while believing I am powerless and cannot be the directive principle of myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am powerless instead of dropping this belief within the understanding that it isn't supporting me but is only limiting me and preventing me from standing up, and thus to allow myself to try again and again, and learn from each attempt I make, as to find out for myself, what works for me as to slow down the mind/thought, as to stop the back chat - I have found that bouncing and shaking myself physically within breath has been supportive in getting me out of the mind and back here, I have that writing the point out as self support within a self directive decision to take self responsibility and sort the point out has assisted me in stepping out of the possession, I have found that self forgiveness has been effective in assisting me to open up points and not fall so easily in the trap of self judgment - so I have tools, I have proven to myself that they are effective, and I realize that "practice makes perfect" I realize that the more I apply myself and fall and apply myself again I will become more effective within myself and will be more clear within myself, and will empower myself as life, as self support, to step out of the mind's hold of me, and return here, to where life can be lived, as the physical reality.