Sunday, November 4, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension – Part 1
Within the fear of failing is see that I have defined failure as a "detrimental mistake", a mistake or series of mistakes that determines the end result of an activity / application/project as a failure. Within this I see that I have defined failure as deterministic / final / complete / done / finished, as the accumulation of the efforts that have been put into a project / activity have resulted in nothing, a failure, a waste of time.
I've attached a negative energetic charge to failure, I have deemed it as "bad" by definition, this is what we are taught from a very young age through the schooling system, and thus within seeing / defining failure as bad, if one fails then one might attach the negative charge and identify it with oneself as a self definition, and thus by failing, one might define self as bad/wrong/stupid/a failure.
Within failing I see a point of giving up - to fail one must first give up, other wise they would try again and again, thus once one defines failure would be at a point of stopping, a giving up. I see within this a point of self diminishment, as giving up would come from the self belief that one cannot do it, one has tried and tried and now they believe it's time to give up and thus define the project/activity and themselves as a failure. As if one is defined by the outcome of their efforts, and not by the starting point… interesting...
In regards to "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" I find that when I am being corrected I react to it as if I have failed, and within that accept within me an experience of giving up, thus I allow myself to participate in self diminishment, instead of looking at the point/correction in common sense, and not allowing myself to go into giving up / self diminishment, and simply allow myself to correct myself, within this I see that when I do give up and go into self diminishment I am more likely to believe my own self diminishment and not do as well the next time, creating a loop of failure that feeds off of itself, and so I pave the way before me for failing, thus creating my fear through participating in the fear itself.
Failure can only exist within the polarity of fail/success, thus must be investigated as all polarities are mind driven/created, so, how do I remove the polarity from the construct of failure? Failure, from a common sense, practical perspective, can be seen as a directive decision to stop/end a project due to practical analysis that it is not worth pursuing any longer for practical/physical reasons, not from a starting point of giving up within the experience of self diminishment, but simply from a starting point of for example, looking at the time one has and making a self directive decision to use ones time more effectively in a different project, or acknowledging that the idea/project isn't holding up and thus deciding to investigate other options/solutions/ideas - the point being to let go the giving up experience within it, letting go the "bad" feeling/association attached to it, and not doing it from a starting point of self diminishment as well as not defining oneself accordingly as unworthy/failure, thus not attaching the decision to end a project to ones definition of self.
The same goes for success, where it is seen as positive, but actually it is simply a project/application/task that came to it's completion - no polarity or energetic reaction necessary.
In context of the principle of that which is best for all, there is no polarity nor energy attached to any of this, as it is all done within the starting point of what is best for all, and thus if a project is stopped or continued until completion would be in consideration of what is practically evident and within consideration of what is best for all, and would not be based on ego or self diminishment.
So, as with the point of fear of making mistakes, through taking away the "bad" connotation one has with making mistakes, what remains is an opportunity to learn and expand and thus apply oneself more effectively through it, same goes here, once removing the polarity of failure/success and looking at it from a starting point of what is best for all, as removing all the positive/negative connotations and removing the emotional/self diminishment/giving up/ego starting point, what remains is a project/task that has been decided to be stopped through applying common sense as evaluating the situation practically and without any energy attached and without connecting self's definition to the point at hand.
I will continue with self forgiveness on this point in my next blog
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