Day 98 - Giving up is an elitist privilege - Part 2 - Self commitments

for further context: Giving Up on Myself - Life Review

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Day 97 - Giving up is an elitist privilege

I realize that any experience I have is self created, and even when/if I don't realize how I created it, by not pushing myself to step out of the experience I am allowing it to exist with me and thus, any energetic experience I have within myself is always due to my participation, acceptance and allowance, thus, when and as I see myself within an energetic experience I stop myself and breathe, I push myself to breathe as I ground myself and ground the energy back to earth, I stop the back chat as justifications to why I am experiencing this, and don't allow myself to justify my experience because I have realized that any experience that I have not self directed within awareness is a mind manipulation that is directing me within self interest and thus will always result in shame and regret when realizing within self honesty what I have accepted and allowed, thus within the principle of prevention as the best cure/medicine, I commit myself to stop this snow ball from rolling through stopping my participation within the energetic experience as depression.

I realize that any time I give in to the energetic experience I am accumulating more energetically charged memories, as experiencing myself being weaker than the mind, and thus allowing the mind control to grow stronger as I diminish myself time after time, I realize that in order to empower myself as the living self directive principle of myself I must stop myself from participating and following the energetic experience and commit myself to breath, to stabilize myself, to ground myself, to return to the physical within touch and movement, to do whatever it takes in the moment to "snap out of it" to change my experience as to prove to myself that I am not completely controlled/enslaved to the mind, but that I do have self will power, and that I can stand up from within it, I realize that just as I have accumulated through out my life, many experiences as memories of me giving in to my mind, and thus have accepted myself as weak, I can accumulate myself as self support - as long as I will myself to stop my participation within/as the mind, and keep accumulating situations/experiences where I stand up and stop myself I will be able to deprogram the self belief of incapability/weakness/giving up and recreate myself as directive and powerful as life as myself

I realize that the experience of being depressed, as experiencing myself within/as a low energy, an experience of numbness/apathy/misery, is exactly that - an energetic experience, and within it being an energetic experience I realize it does not exist independently of my participation within/as it, thus I realize it requires me, to participate with it, through giving it energy as thoughts, for it to exist - within realizing this, I commit myself to when and as I see myself in an energetic experience such as depression/numbness/apathy/misery, I stop myself and breathe, I realize it is not a real experience as the physical is real, as the physical is here independently of my participation with it, it is an objective reality shared by all equally, while the energetic experience is subjective within my mind's perception and interpretation, created only for me and is able to exist here only through my participation as feeding it energy as thoughts - and the moment I stop participating, it no longer exist - thus it is in my power to stop, and my responsibility to realize what is real as the physical, and to live and participate only within that which is real, and stop participation with the lie as the mind