Sunday, November 4, 2012
This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Here I start a series of blogs, within looking at the character of "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" and see what comes up as I walk the character dimensions, in the blogs to come, as fear, thoughts, back chat, reactions, behavior, consequences, so i will open up each dimension and write it out through self forgiveness and self commitments statements
I start with the fear dimension, as what are the fears that come up within me, in regards to being corrected and being told what to do:
Fears
I fear making a mistake/failing/being wrong
I fear being seen by others as wrong/stupid/slow/bad at what I'm doing
I fear not being seen as good/awesome/smart/competent and instead being seen as everybody else - not special
I fear others thinking they are more than me
I fear authority / I fear confronting authority
I fear disappointing others as they "expected more from me"
I fear being seen as someone who slacks off
I fear being caught of cutting corners or not caring about doing a great job
I fear being yelled at or upset with or punished
I fear being someone's slave, as in being in a position of having to do what another tells me to do
I fear being taken advantage of, being manipulated in doing someone else's job/responsibility
I fear losing the self definitions of how I see myself as good/smart/competent/special/extraordinary/unique
I fear making a mistake:
Self Forgiveness
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear making mistakes, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define a mistake as something bad instead of seeing it as a gift, as something I can learn from and expand from, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for making mistakes within an expectation and self definition of myself to do everything good/perfect, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can/should do everything good/perfectly without allowing myself to see the physical process of learning as a path to get to doing something good/perfect and within that, as not allowing myself to see that doing something effectively takes a process of accumulation as practice, I have limited myself within the fear of making mistakes and thus not allowing myself to enjoy participating in anything that I do not yet do effectively/good/perfect, and within that have created resistance towards activities that I do not yet do good/effectively/perfect, instead of allowing myself to be here, without fear/resistance towards mistakes and thus allow myself to enjoy making mistakes within the realization that that it is an opportunity of growth/expansion
I commit myself, when I see myself making a mistake, to stop myself within breath, to take a moment to myself to see the mistake and take it in as myself, to accept myself as the mistake, I commit myself to within allowing myself to accept myself as the mistake to see the point of correction/expansion, I commit myself to stopping any judgment/ego that come up when I see myself making a mistake through breathing and bringing myself back to here, the physical body/reality, as I've realized/seen that the judgment that is based on expectation is limiting me through beliefs/definitions of what/how I should be and thus not allowing myself to be equal to who I really am in the moment, and within this I commit myself to allow myself to learn/expand/correct/perfect myself in my application through accepting myself as/within mistakes, and within that to direct myself within every breath and every activity I participate within/as to that which is best for all, without any limitation of fear of making a mistake, simply allowing myself to practically walk the steps and correct myself as I go along
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge others when they make a mistake and hold it against them as a memory within myself so that I can use it against them if I ever need to within a starting point of competition/ego/self interest, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the fear/resistance I have towards mistakes is an outflow/result/consequence of how I allow myself to judge/treat others when I "catch" them making a mistake, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that my judgment/behavior towards other's mistake is indicating/showing to me my fears, and within that how I judge/define them as they make a mistake is how I define myself within a mistake, which I then fear of facing my own definition of mistake which I fear, because I have defined it within a construct of competition and having to prove one self in order to be worthy of life, instead of defining it within alignment with life as a word/definition that can support us as life to create a world worth living in for all equally and thus stopping the separation from "mistake" as I use it within a context of self support, and thus not judge others and use it against them from a starting point of power/ego/self interest, but rather support myself and them as myself to grow/expand as we correct ourselves into perfection one mistake at a time, one breath at a time.
I commit myself to stop myself within breath when I see myself judging others for what I perceive is as making a mistake, I commit myself to support others as myself within realizing a mistake as a point of growth/expansion and thus not a point of judgment as "bad" to be hold against them within self interest as competition/ego/doubt, I commit myself to investigate my reactions towards other people making mistakes and to within looking at the specific judgments coming up within me as blame turn it back to self and investigate how I react towards myself in the same way as judgment/blame/doubt, I see within this a point of building doubt towards the accumulated mistakes thus, I commit myself to through redefining "mistake" as a point of self support and not as a bad thing to stop myself from holding on to memories of mistakes as accumulating bad points that build up as doubt, and instead to build up points of realization and accumulate mistakes as building block for expansion as building self trust within myself and as support for others building self trust within themselves, I commit myself to embrace myself as/within mistakes and thus to embrace others within their mistakes and to will/push myself to find the source/cause/reason of the mistake as cutting corners/dislike the task/ineffective communication/misunderstandings/lack of time and within investigating the cause of the mistake to find points of correction within/through writing/self forgiveness/corrective statements and to insure the source/cause is dealt with and resolved
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear of seeing/facing myself as a mistake, and thus I react when others point out my mistakes, thus allowing myself to be limited within fear to the definition I have created as mistake as myself, within this I forgive myself for not allowing myself to face myself as what I fear most and see within that that I can stand from it, instead of fearing it and believing my fear and thus always being directed/limited by the fear. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto my pride as self definition of myself and not allow myself to be humble as to accept myself as/within mistake. Within holding on to pride as myself, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie/manipulate/deceive/blame to get myself out of a position of admitting to a mistake, and thus having to put my pride aside, as I have defined pride as powerful/stable and I fear losing my power/stability and being weak, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define power/weakness according to making mistakes, not realizing that the real power is within self honesty, and in standing within self responsibility and facing all/any mistakes and learning from them into self correction/perfection
I commit myself, through writing, self forgiveness, and self commitments within the support of breath, to stop myself from participating with fears as I allow myself to be directed by them, I commit myself to investigate my reactions/behavior/thoughts/emotions in regards to making mistake and the fear that come along with them, and to through breathing and investigating the self definitions that I have defined myself as that I fear losing through making a mistake to stop my participation within/as my fears and to stand as what is best for all in every breath. I commit myself to expose the abuse and limitation created by participating in the fears that come up in regards to making mistakes as I limit my application within/as fear, as I lie/manipulate/blame to hide my mistakes within fear, as I go into spitefulness within/as fear as self defense for fear of losing my image I work so hard to build, as I hold on to others mistakes within the self created competition as survival of my ego, as I am fighting for my pride within self interest as my ego and not standing up for life within expanding myself humbly through making mistakes, I commit myself to build self honesty through allowing myself to humbly accept myself within/as mistakes, and to stop myself within as breath when I see myself acting from a starting point of pride to defend myself when in fact I have made a mistake that needs correction, thus I commit myself to breathe before answering, to stabilize myself within/as myself and to within accepting myself as the mistake to humbly see what I can do to fix/change/correct it within taking self responsibility for who/what I am and how/what I have done
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use mistakes as a justification, as proof of my unworthiness/inferiority and thus within each mistake I make or am called on I prove to myself as justifying the defining myself as unworthy/inferior that hides beneath the "positive" self definition I try to maintain, as if every mistake accumulates as I'm building a case against myself, as I accumulate mistakes as memories to hold onto against myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself the self definition of being completely useless, ineffective, unworthy of life, within the belief that if I hide it from myself I will not have to face seeing myself in such an unpleasant way, and thus exist within inner conflict as two contradicting self definitions, of good/bad, living as a polarity of self definitions hiding the dark/low/bad sides I believe myself to be and put all my energy in expressing/presenting/believing myself to be good and hide the bad/low/dark/evil side from everyone including myself, thus when making a mistake the dark self definition within me is activated and thus inner conflict is manifested as a "bad" experience of being corrected, but within this I haven't allowed myself to realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up a fear towards these hidden characters as self beliefs to come up through my actions and the judgments of others as they see me make mistakes and define me, in my eyes, as useless, ineffective and unworthy of life for making mistakes and not proving myself other wise through being perfect, within this I have allowed myself to exist within total separation of myself, as I have split myself into several self definitions as polarity good/bad, and have hidden some of these self definitions from myself as I judge them and fear others to see them and judge them, and I have allowed myself to create through this layers of deception as I present myself in a specific way, instead of stopping within the realization that all these self definitions do not actually define who/what I am as life, and are only limiting my self as self expression, creating a wall between me and myself as I don't accept myself unconditionally as I believe I need to prove to myself my worthiness through being perfect based on an idea/belief that by making mistakes I am justifying the one side of the self definition polarity, the side which I am ashamed of within believing it to be me
and so I commit myself to let go of all self definition I hold towards myself and others as I realize it is the cause of much friction and conflict, within and without, I commit myself to stop looking for ways to justify to myself my self definition wither good/bad, as I let go all self definition, due to realizing the vast extent of limitation/abuse within self definition, wither good/bad, thus I allow myself to peel the layers of self definition trough breath, within self honesty, and to recreate myself as life, not as definition, and to push myself to align myself with reality as the physical and not the judgment/self definitions of the mind
I commit myself to stop justifying to myself why I am worthless/useless/inferior, I commit myself to when I see myself going into self diminishment I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here to/as my physical body, I don't allow myself to participate in thoughts of self diminishment and thus I commit myself to when making mistakes taking them as empowering and not as an excuse of further self diminishment, changing how I use mistakes from a starting point of self abuse to a starting point of self support
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