Saturday, November 17, 2012

Day 94 - Fear Dimension - Part 15 - Fear of losing MySelf – Definitions - Corrective Statements

This blog is continuing from the previous blog:
Day 79 - The lowest point
Day 80 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension  - Mistakes – Part 1
Day 81 - "I don't like being corrected / told what to do" character – Fear dimension - Failure – Part 2
Day 82 – Fear Dimension –Failure - self forgiveness - Part 3
Day 83 - Fear Dimension - Being Wrong - Part 4
Day 84 - Fear Dimension - Being Judged - Part 5
Day 85 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 6
Day 86 - Fear Dimension - specialness - Part 7 - Self Forgiveness
Day 87 - Fear Dimension - Inferiority - Part 8
Day 88 - Fear dimension - Part 9 - self commitment
Day 89 - Fear dimension - Authority - Part 10
Day 90 - Fear dimension - Part 11 - Self forgiveness
Day 91 – Fear Dimension – Part 12 - Fear of Losing MySelf
Day 92 - Fear Dimension - Part 13 - Fear of Losing MySelf - Self forgiveness
Day 93 - Fear Dimension - Part 14 - Fear of losing MySelf - Corrective Statements

I realize that when I react to being corrected or told what to do, I am allowing myself to exist in fear as protection / defense of the definition of reality as I know it to be and within that my self definition within this I realize that as I participate within/as the reaction I am not allowing myself to expand / change / grow and thus limit myself to remain as I am, stuck I the mind, separated from myself and the physical reality as a whole, thus, when and as I see myself go into an energetic reaction to being told what to do or being corrected, I stop myself and breathe, I allow myself to be here and hear unconditionally what is being said, as the physical words that are being spoken, and direct myself to correct myself through utilizing common sense within learning from what is being said to me so that I can expand and perfect myself in my application

I realize that any self definition is based on the past within my interpretation of events within my understanding of how I require to be to survive, thus creating myself as a one dimensional definition that is stuck in time and completely separated from what is here in the moment as life, within this I realize that through letting go the self definition I created myself as and the definitions I have of reality I can expand myself and grow and allow myself to exist as a dynamic, ever changing, not limited, human being, as one and equal with what is here in the moment, thus, when and as I see myself holding on to any definition I have of myself or reality as I know it, I stop myself and breathe, I realize these definitions are limiting me and blinding me from what is actually here within/as the physical reality, thus, I allow myself to be open to what is here, allow myself to hear unconditionally more perspectives within realizing that through hearing and learning from others as myself I will equalize myself, one point at a time, to everything that exists, and through that will be able to see clearly what is here as the physical reality not blinded by my narrow view of myself and the world through accepting the limitations of my mind

I realize that life cannot be defined by a limited static definition, thus, when and as I see myself holding on to definitions I stop myself and breathe, I realize all definitions are a lie as they are not aligned with the actual physical reality as life, but are based in opinion / beliefs and only a partial view of the total picture as our science / research / philosophy still doesn't have/see the entire pictures and the proof of that is the condition of our world, thus, when and as I see myself holding on to any definition I allow myself to let it go, and to redefine/change my view to support life as what is best for all within letting go the self interest I have allowed to direct me and become the living directive principle of/as myself, within realizing that the only principle that has value is the principle of life as equality and oneness to bring about a world that is best for all in all ways

I realize that I have been holding on to a positive definition of myself and a positive outlook on the world/reality, which in essence means that I have allowed myself to be blinded to the actual brutality that exist in this world, within this I realize that my positive out look has been self created in self interest as a coping/survival mechanism to keep my head in the sand while I live a comfortable life in my own positive bubble while ignoring the atrocities that are happening all around me, within this I realize that I can afford to have a positive outlook and self definition because I was born on the wealthy side of the world and thus I realize that money is what's been enabling me to have a comfortable life, within this I realize that money/greed/profit has been the cause to all the abuse in the world, thus I realize that my positive outlook/definition of the world and myself have been a cover up, blinding me to the reality of myself as participating and thus creating the atrocities that are going on, thus I realize that only through seeing reality for what it is can I ever be self honest and change who I am to support myself and others as myself, and only through actually seeing the reality as it is can any change come about, thus, when and as I see myself going into a positive outlook, I stop and breathe, I allow myself to look at reality through a clear lens and not one that is tainted with positivity as I have realized that this positivity that I experience on my side is causing massive harm, suffering and abuse on the other side

I realize that only through allowing myself to face myself as the actuality of myself within allowing myself to face the deepest, darkest, most hidden parts of myself, without judgment through self forgiveness, will I be able to understand how/what/why I am the way I am and do the things I do, and find out what I have been allowing to direct me within the deepest motives of myself, only then will I be able to change myself within self trust, as I know how/what/why I do what I do and am what I am and thus be able to will myself to change as what is best for all, thus, when and as I see myself believing myself to be positive and resist the negative, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here to the physical, brutal, evil reality we have created as a reflection of ourselves, and will myself to investigate all aspects of me, until I am certain that I have seen the truth of me and can trust myself to never again allow myself to act/be directed from within self interest, and instead to become a living example that in every breath in every moment practice equality from within and without

I realize positivity is only but one side of the polarity, and thus cannot exist without the negative side, as the hidden side acting in silence as the back force, that is actually the motivator as fear, within the hidden mind, thus, when and as I see myself going into positivity, I stop myself and breathe, I realize I am manipulating myself and hiding from myself my true hidden, dark motives, I thus, allow myself to stop, and investigate myself until I am satisfied I have seen myself for who I really am, and can through realizing/facing/seeing myself, to change myself within the stability of breath, no energy, no reaction, no fear, just me, here, breathing, living the expression of myself as the stability of breath, here

I realize that my reaction to changing the definition of the word "frequency" is indicating to me that I have attached a value to this word, as it represents an entire construct/character within/as myself, thus, when and as I see myself reacting to a specific word, I stop myself and breathe, I investigate the word and what it represents to me, and through self forgiveness free myself from the enslavement I have accepted through/as the definition of this word, and allow myself to let go the attachment as I realize that it is based in polarity as what I believe to be right/wrong, within self interest as the mind and thus disregards all life as equal within the desire to be right
When and as I see myself holding on to a definition as what I believe to be right, I stop myself and breathe, I investigate the definition in all it's dimension, I check to see that it stands for life, and if it doesn't I remove it because anything that doesn't stand for life is not valid because anything that doesn't stand for life is in fact an active part in the consumption of life, and thus is part of that which creates all that is abusive / evil / brutal in this world, I realize there isn't a gray area, anything is either of support of life or an abuser of life, there is no middle ground

I realize that anything that can be lost is perceived so within separation, thus, when and as I see myself within the fear of loss, I stop myself and breathe, I realize that all is one and that separation is a mind created illusion to keep us enslaved to the mind as it mines the physical to create energy as we participate within/as separation through creating conflict as the desire to prove myself right within holding on to a definition, thus, when and as I see myself holding on to a definition within separation I stop myself and breathe, I remind myself that it is but an illusion and I will myself to return here, to my physical body, to my breathing, as an anchor to what is real, I breathe and stop participation within the argument of definitions because I realize I am through participating within this energy creation I am digging my grave deeper, and within that creating consequences for myself and the world as myself, thus I just stop and breathe the energy back to the ground, until I am certain I am clear and standing stable, here, as myself, as life

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Garbrielle said...

cool share Maya, thanks

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