My journey to life: Day 90 - Fear dimension - Part 11

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and being directed by the fear of authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the fear of authority through holding on to a past memory (as mentioned in the previous blog) and using it within interpretation to define myself as someone that fears authority, from here I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prove my self-definition to be right, through participating with this character of fear I have created as myself, and thus participate with fear of authority within believing the fear to be real

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being yelled at or being punished by an authority, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear being in a position where someone has authority over me and accepting them as an authority, I fear them having power over me and thus can tell me what to do or punish me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it's not the actuality/physicality of being yelled at of being told what to do that I fear, but rather the energetic experience that I connect to it, not realizing that this energetic experience is my own mind made creation and thus my responsibility to stop, regardless of if I am being yelled at / punished / told what to do, because I realize that this fear isn't about an actual physical abuse but rather within a power game as feeling inferior as a slave, as submitted to the authority of the master, thus I realize that as long as I participate with and accept the construct of authority, I am responsible for experiencing myself as less than, and thus, the only thing that must change within this is me and within that what I accept and allow, thus I commit myself to stop participation within/as the construct of authority, when and as I see myself accepting someone as having authority over me, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here, within facing the fear and realizing the lie of it, thus I breathe and communicate/participate within the situation within stability, pushing through the fear until I have proven to myself that I am the self directive principle and not the fear

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question authority, but to take it for granted as part of the system, as accepting the fact/situation where some people have power over others and within their authority can harm/abuse/suppress/punish as they see fit within the acceptance of society/system, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within/as the construct of authority as I have given my power away to authority as I have allowed them to have power over me within my experience of/as myself, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand within/as equality, within realizing all are equal regardless of what role we play in society, and within this I have allowed myself to experience inferiority and as a result fear when confronted with an authority, merely because they were seen and accepted by me as an authority

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the memory of standing up to my teacher with tears in my eyes, within an energetic experience, as I interpret the memory within self diminishment as a point of weakness and thus have created a self definition for/as myself based on this memory of being weak in the face of authority, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see within this remembrance of the situation that there was also a point of standing up, and thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use the memory within self interest of/as the mind, as manipulating the information into creating another layer/dimension of fear within me as a mind tactic to keep me enslaved. I have come to realize that any point of self diminishment as self belief as limitation/inferiority/fear is a mind created character keeping me from realizing myself as life, within the fight for survival of my ego as the characters I have spent my entire life to create and uphold, thus now, within realizing that all the personalities and characters I have believed to have defined me, have been and are all lie, I commit myself to stop myself from participating within/as them, and within this I commit myself to investigate all points/dimensions of fear that still exist within me, and to one by one, walk through them, through seeing the points of acceptance within writing, self forgiveness and through corrective statement to prepare myself for correction in physical application

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the authority construct within and as myself and within the world system, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the construct is real and valid and thus participate within it as allowing myself to respect/fear authority and on the other hand to accept myself as authority on others, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in power games, as proving to myself my self-value through competition, instead of letting go the authority construct and thus letting go the competition and simply allowing myself to be here as equals within self support and the support of others as myself

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the pattern of fear of authority, and within that to, instead of allowing myself to express myself freely with all equally, to fear expressing myself in front of authority, and thus to accumulate reaction/back chat up to the point of compounded anger where I "explode" with emotions and lose control, and thus experience myself as weak in the eyes of the authority, not realizing that I have created this point of weakness through not standing within/as breath and expressing myself as equals, thus I see that within accepting authority I already accept myself as inferior and thus exist in fear and manifest the situation from the starting point of fear

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as weak for not holding back the tears within the memory, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to due to my acceptance of the memory as valid I have believed I am weak in face of authority and thus have allowed myself to be directed by this fear and stop myself from approaching/talking to people I consider are an authority, thus not seeing them as equal within seeing myself as inferior to them, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the desire I have to feel powerful in front of authority is still within the limitation of the definition and acceptance of authority, and thus still within the polarity, the power game, and thus the energy. I commit myself to when I see myself defining someone as an authority I stop myself within breath, I realize that they are a human being, that eats and shits like me, and thus is equal me in all ways, I realize that as long as I am holding back and not expressing myself I am accepting their authority and thus creating myself as weak/inferior, I commit myself to approach / speak / ask the one I perceive to be an authority as I support myself within breath, to push through this self created fear and allow myself to express myself without limitation, within common sense, within realizing that in the system, as long as others accept the authority, as police for instance, I must play the game, but the point being to stop participation within the energy that I have attached to it, within realizing it's an act we are playing until we change the system into a system that supports equality, and end the era of authority/suppression/intimidation within the power games accepted within the construct of authority

I commit myself to show that the construct of authority is abusive by nature as it allow some to have power and control over others, within society at large and the family construct at small, I commit myself to show that effective communication within self honesty doesn't require authority to keep order, and that through educating ourselves of the actual reality we exist as within understanding the responsibilities of taking care of this earth/nature to create a world that is enjoyable for all and not just for the 1%, we don't have to have authority because we can each be an authority onto ourselves within self honesty as we realize what needs to be done, we take self responsibility and all as equals, work together to clean up the mess that we created, and together create heaven on hearth where all are equal and communicate within a starting point of support and not of power and control

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