Saturday, December 1, 2012
This is a continuation from my previous blog
Day 104 - Nature reflecting my assertiveness
Day 105 - My relationship with Assertiveness
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to express myself as assertive due to fear of the response of friends/family, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my own self judgment and self belief on to them, and thus create within my mind the idea that if they see me act assertive they'll know its an act, when in fact I fear seeing it as an act within not trusting myself or believing I can be assertive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from the expression of assertiveness within the self belief that I am not strong / stable / clear, and thus have not allowed myself to explore that expression as myself and thus limit myself and remain within the self belief of weak
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist being assertive because I fear receiving a non supportive/accepting response of the other, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the fear of judgment and not allowing myself to express myself fully as myself, thus allowing myself to compromise myself and exist within fear
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist expressing myself as assertive because I fear not being taken seriously, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create myself as the character of the joker and thus believe that I cannot step out of character and if I do I will be mocked by others that know me as the joker and will not respect/accept the new expression they don't know me as, as assertive
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of not being taken seriously and within this to allow myself to be directed by the memory, not allowing myself to be assertive/serious within the fear of the events of the memory repeating themselves, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to investigate the memory and within self forgiveness to let go of it, to allow myself a clean slate, and to live in the moment and not in the past through memories
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to a memory of not being taken seriously and allow myself to fear exposing myself as who I am because I fear being hurt by the response I get from others, thus allowing myself to suppress myself and compromise myself to please others as to adjust myself to what I believe others want me to be, instead of simply breathing and allowing me to live within self honesty
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an experience of insult when speaking seriously/assertively and the response of others is not supportive, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame others for not taking me seriously, not allowing myself to take self responsibility from perspective of seeing that I have been deceiving them with the act of the joker, and thus I realize that I must give up the act of the joker in order to express myself here, and within giving up myself as the joker I will not create myself as the personality of the joker and thus will not fear presenting myself as assertive, thus within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to express myself as the joker and my main personality within the desire to please people through making them laugh and amused, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take myself seriously and thus not allowed myself to simply be here within my self expression and believed I have to put on an act as the joker to be accepted by others
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that as I participate in the character of the joker I am hiding from actually expressing myself as who I am, and within that creating a personality that then I experience that I have a responsibility to hold up, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to give up the joker and allow myself to express myself as the moment within allowing myself to be both assertive/serious and the joker/funny not because I have to, because that is the roll I have given myself to act, but because it is my expression in the moment
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear stepping out of character and thus lose all that the character has given me, thus deliberately holding myself in an act, not allowing myself to live self honestly, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go the act and allow myself to be free
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take what other people say personally instead of realizing that when they say reflect who they are and does not actually reflect me, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to walk into "hurtful" situations in order to test myself as checking to see my reaction, and within every reaction to reveal another layer of myself, another point that I am enslaved to, and thus within allowing myself to see myself as the mind, as the reaction, to take self responsibility and change as allowing myself to let go the points that come up, and direct myself to walk through them, and practically physically change within them to align myself to what is best for all, and that starts with being able to trust myself that I am the directive principle of/as myself in every moment and that I am not directed by fear/reactions
More to follow
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