My journey to life: Day 113

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Posted by Maya R at 12:10 PM Labels: best for all life, breathing, definitions, desteni, doing what needs to be done, enjoyment, limitation, preferences, self enjoinment, self interest, self support, unconditionally, work, working

Day 113 – Enjoying Work

The following blog is a continuation of my previous writings, please read them for further context if you haven’t already :
Day 110 - Avoiding Work
Day 111 – Self interest can never be “right”
Day 112 - Avoiding work –Part 3 - Self Forgiveness

I realize I have put a value on enjoying what I do and thus have allowed myself to be directed by my preferences, thus not considering what is best for all but only existing within self interest as what makes me feel good to be doing, within this I realize that what I believe I enjoy is based on the mind as a value system, where I believe some things are more enjoyable than others, when I haven't allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am here in every breath, and whatever I do doesn't change that, thus, it doesn't matter what I am doing as long as I am here as/within breath, where the only preference should be to apply myself as what is best for all, as the preference of all, and not base what I do on my own self interest - I realize nothing will even change in my reality, as my inner and outer experience, if I keep allowing myself to exist within my self interest preferences, instead of standing up for all life and living as what is best for all life in every breath, within that doing whatever is necessary, starting with stopping myself form being directed by the mind and instead directing myself as life, as breath, as what is best for all life in equality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place more value on enjoying myself than on what practically needs to be done regardless of my enjoinment within doing so, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that some tasks are more enjoyable than others and thus exist within a self created limitation that restricts me from participating and taking responsibility within what I realize needs to be done if I have defined such a task as unenjoyably, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define some tasks as more enjoyable than others and through living out this definition I have created a situation where when I participate in specific tasks I believe I will not enjoy myself and then to prove myself right I, within my participation within/as the mind, actually believe I am not enjoying myself, not realizing that I am existing in a polarity created by the mind to keep me enslaved to the ideas/definitions and not allow myself to be free to simply do what needs to be done without attaching any energy to it and without expecting to get any energy out of it within self interest, simply doing within breath what needs to be done

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see that within the expectation to enjoy myself within the tasks that I do I am actually self sabotaging myself, instead of supporting myself as life and breathing through everything that I do, and walking the physical one breath at a time, and not allowing myself to go into my mind in the thirst/expectation/addiction to energy, but allow myself to be here, within/as the physical, and support myself as the physical in walking the process of stopping my participation/addiction to/as the mind, and bringing myself back here, to myself, as the physical, as life, within/as breath

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe as I work and thus to exist in my mind as back chat / judgment, thus separating myself from what I am doing, and not allowing myself to actually do anything fully because I have always allowed myself to be only partly here, and the other part of me, in separation of myself has always been in the mind as interpreting what I do within judgment / expectations / beliefs

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by my preferences and not allow myself to direct myself as life here as what is best for all in equality and oneness within the realization that all is one and thus equal, and any participation in my own self interest preferences is of separation within the belief that my preferences have more value than the preference of all life as bringing about a change in this world, a change that starts with changing myself, a change that honors all life, as I honor myself as life, and as life honor all as equal as life as myself - thus I realize that within self honesty, my highest preference is to honor all life and thus is the preference of all - within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as self interest and not consider all life and thus participating and being an active part in the problem of this world, instead of standing within/as equality and being a part of the solution to bring about a world that it's only preference is what is best for all life

I realize that I have been living within an idea that I must enjoy what I do, thus placing value as judgment on the task, and as a result allowing myself to be directed by personal preference instead of being self directed and living the principle of equality and oneness, as what is best for all - I realize personal preferences are a distraction from what actually matters, which isn't to satisfy my privet wants/needs/desires, but to satisfy all as one and equal in creating a world that supports all life equally - within this I realize that the task to do so may not be enjoyable, and I must let go of the desire/expectation to enjoy what I do in order to be able to be free to actually get the job done - within this I realize that enjoying myself is either an energetic experience and then is of the mind and is based on values/ideas/beliefs/memories or it can be a self expression as life, and then it would be aligned with equality and oneness as what is best for all life - thus if I see myself not enjoying myself I know I am trapped in self interest / back chat / the mind, and not allowing myself to be here in breath and practically do what needs to be done, step by step by step, to bring about a change, firstly in myself, and then in the world as myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that living by preference is limiting, and that it would be much more beneficial and self supportive to be able to work from a clear starting point as a self directive decision to do the task or take the responsibility and not be influenced by the desire to get energy out of it as an experience of enjoyment, but to be clear, here and stable and simply work / do / live / breathe - and thus to not define myself by/as the work I do but rather who I am within it, and in doing so allow myself to be here, as self expression, through breathing, in any activity/task I do

I commit myself to myself as life, I commit myself to breathing within everything I do,I commit myself to slow myself down so that I can walk within/as breath, I commit myself to stopping the back chat of judgment towards activities I believe to be not enjoyable and instead breathe and apply myself within the physical reality, I commit myself to, when I am not enjoying myself, to stop and breathe, to see that I am participating in the mind as judging what it is that I'm doing, and to stop myself within breath, to bring myself back here, and to start over within a fresh starting point of simply doing what needs to be done unconditionally without expecting any energy of enjoinment in return