Sunday, December 9, 2012

Day 114 - Avoiding work –Part 5 - blame and manipulation - Self Forgiveness

The following blog is a continuation of my previous writings, please read them for further context if you haven’t already :
Day 110 - Avoiding Work
Day 111 – Self interest can never be “right”
Day 112 - Avoiding work –Part 3 - Self Forgiveness
Day 113 – Enjoying Work

I realize I have been blaming/judging others for believing they are trying to avoid work, not realizing I am projecting myself onto them and thus distracting myself from my own acceptance and participation within avoiding work, while believing myself to be good and self righteous while judging others for being bad and manipulative, within this I realize my experience has been directed through the constant anticipation of being manipulated, within expecting others to be as manipulative as me, instead of stopping myself within manipulation and standing up within breath and simply allow myself and push myself to do what needs to be done, and not distract me from myself through judging/blaming others for what I perceive them to be doing, within the neurotic idea that they are plotting against me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in manipulation within hiding my self interest to avoid working, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project myself onto others within the expectation of them doing the same, and thus to blame them for trying to avoid work instead of being self honest with myself and changing myself within my starting point of believing work should be avoided, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame/judge others for that which I still participate within, and thus I commit myself to align myself with the principle of equality within give as you would like to receive and thus if I want to live in a world where people don't manipulate each other to avoid working - it must start with self first, and thus it must start with self change, and thus I commit myself to change my starting point towards work and within that I commit myself to stop myself form manipulating other for my own self interest, and only once I have changed myself I can look at others from a starting point of supporting them to see what they are participating within - but I realize I must be clear within and as myself first and stand as self trust to be sure that I am not participating within avoidance and manipulation, thus, when and as I see myself going into avoidance and manipulation in regards to work, I stop myself and breathe, I stop the back chat and bring myself back here to/as breath and walk the practical steps to get the job done, within this I commit myself to deliberately place myself in positions where normally I would want to avoid as to be able to brake the pattern and prove to myself that I am my self directive principle and that I am not limited / restricted / directed by the mind

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within the belief that work must be avoided, to have allowed myself to manipulate and deceive those around me as I try to get out of doing work, and within that expect others to do the same as me as I project myself onto them, and thus exist within an anticipation as an alert state as if waiting to be conned/manipulated

I realize that when I judge others for being manipulative I am actually showing myself that such manipulation still exist within me, and thus I stop myself within and as breath and turn it back to myself, within allowing myself to see in the moment where I am not being self honest and actually am manipulating the situation to suit my hidden self interest

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a constant state of anticipation, as waiting to be conned / manipulated and thus communicate to others from a starting point of self defense as I defend my self interest while I am sure the other is acting from within their own self interest and thus I create a war/competition between us, as the battle of the ego, while existing within self righteousness and believing that I am innocent and they are the manipulative ones, thus I commit myself to when I experience myself in the state of anticipation towards someone manipulating me, I stop myself and breathe, I bring myself back here to the practical physical reality and check my starting point to find where I am acting within self interest, and within this I commit myself to change my starting point and align it with what is best for all within the situation, and if I cannot find the point of self interest I commit myself to let go the point and not fight for it, because I realize it's become an ego battle, and all that will come out of it is friction and conflict, thus I take self responsibility and do not allow myself to participate and create more energy through friction and conflict and thus I stop myself in the moment from proceeding within the conversation / argument /situation

I realize that as long as I participate within self interest I will always create and exist within conflict and friction within myself and my relationships with others, because within self interest there will always be conflict of interest, within this I realize that by pushing through the self interest and not allowing myself to participate within it, and thus not allowing myself to manipulate to get my way, I will be able to establish effective communication with others and actually come to solutions that serve all as equals, thus serve me and them, as a shared interest within this shared earth on which we live on. Thus I commit myself to when I see myself participating in self interest, to stop myself within breath and to bring myself back here to the physical and equal reality, where we are all equal as life, and thus no ones interest is more important to be fulfilled than another, but rather the interest of life, as all as equal, is the only interest that is valid to peruse, and thus I commit myself to changing my starting point, time and time again, until living as what is best for all is my "nature" where I have built self trust and have let go of all the self interest which are based on personality as ego, and allow myself to be one and equal to all the is life

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