Saturday, December 22, 2012

Day 126 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - A Battle of the Mind- Self Forgiveness

This blog is a follow up from my previous blogs:
Day 123 - Physics and the Desteni Process - From Overwhelmingness to Normal
Day 124 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - Self Forgiveness
Day 125 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - The Mind as a Pendulum - Self Forgiveness
in relation to the blog series “physics and the Desteni Process

I started writing the blog series "physics and the desteni process" and within investigating the experience of overwhelmingness that came over me after a few days of starting writing, I realized that my initial starting point of writing about physics wasn't valid as a point within it was that I wanted to prove the physics community wrong, wrong from the perspective of showing that they have been looking at reality through a very narrow lens, and making assumptions that have had harmful consequences on our reality because they carry an entire belief system within them that is not aligned with what is best for all, while disregarding other perspectives that could be more supportive for humanity as a whole.
I wanted to show through physics that reality can, and should, be looked at from a different angle, an angle that it's sole purpose is to benefit our life here on earth, and when I say "our" I mean all of us, all that is here, all humans, all animals, plants, the earth itself and everything created by and from the earth, in other worlds, everything - I realize that even though my intentions were "good" as to show, expose and investigate points within physics and find ways to apply them as what is best for all - my starting point was not valid because it was based on energy - the question that I should always ask myself is "who am I within it" because what I've realized is that I didn't do it from a starting point of humbleness, like a child, investigating the world, asking questions and expressing themselves, but rather from a starting point of ego and separation, as I wanted to prove physics wrong and within that to prove myself "right". Instead of utilizing the tools and the knowledge of physics and applying them within common sense within walking a humble investigation, I have approached it from a starting point of walking into a battle field, preparing myself for war against physics, me against them, and within this starting point I created fear, fear of losing the battle that I have created in my mind, fear of being judged/mocked/ridiculed/crucified by the physics community that I have went to war against.
I realize within this that I have actually been showing myself my participation with my own inner battle, battling between the two personalities within myself that contradict each other, as the "physics" personality and the "desteni" personality, and thus experienced myself in an inner argument between both personalities that I have defined myself as through out my life. It took me a while to realize that I have been projecting my inner battle onto my starting point, and now that I have, I commit myself to investigate, forgive, and let go both personalities within realizing that both are equally limiting me within/as my self expression, and are equally an illusion of self. I realize that within the starting point of a battle, I've walked it as a bully, and in turn expected to be bullied in return, which then created fear within me as the fear of being crucified by the physics community for not being qualified enough to speak my mind about physics. Which then took me to a point of self doubt, "maybe it's true, maybe I am not qualified to speak about it, I didn't study as much as so many others"… and all this mind fuck is a result of my starting point being within energy, desire and inner conflict.
I realize this starting point isn't valid, it isn't valid because I forgot myself within it and instead wanted to prove a point within energy as to win the argument I created in my mind, in a desire to be right, in a battle between personalities, compromising myself through creating a desired end result for the project, as the desire to win the battle and being appreciated by the scientific community, and this desire built up to the belief that I, as the blogs that I write, must be approved and accepted within defining myself and my own self acceptance within the dependency of the acceptance and approval of others. Within this all I have been basically preparing myself to fall, because before starting writing and investigating the point, how can I already desire a specific outcome? While within desiring a specific outcome, anything else I will interpret as a failure, and then go into self diminishment for not making it - what I see here is relevant for any project, how important to remain stable in breathe, here, and walk the points as they open up, one step at a time, not from a starting point of wanting to prove something to anyone, but from a starting point of wanting to clear the point up within/as myself, to investigate for myself, to show myself the common sense in specificity, so that I know for myself that when I speak about equality, or when I speak about anything, I have shown myself the validity of what I am saying, and thus not say it from a belief, but from actual self investigation, and thus can speak it in self trust.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to start a project within a starting point of wanting to prove others wrong and myself right, within this walking within energy as the desire to be right, from a starting point of ego and separation, instead of allowing myself to allocate myself within the starting point and walk the project for/as myself, within doing so, investigating and expending and expressing myself for/as myself, not dependent on others to see and approve my writing as myself, but to walk in self acceptance as I open up the point one step at a time, not within a future projection as a desire to get something out of it, but here, in the moment, writing unconditionally regardless of the outcome.
I commit myself to when starting a new project, to investigate myself as the starting point and to ensure that I am walking the project for/as myself within/as breath, within this, when/as I see that I my starting point is of desire to prove myself right or someone wrong, I stop, I breathe, I realign myself back to myself, I do not allow myself to continue the project while in a starting point of desire to be right, because I've seen the outflow of such a starting point results in self compromising and compromising of the project as a whole, thus I commit myself to take self responsibility for my starting point within everything I do.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into this project from a starting point of a war between me and physics, instead of walking it from a starting point of cooperation, as I utilize the knowledge of physics and further investigate it within the principle of best for all, within looking at the points for the first time in new eyes, as to see how humanity can learn from physics and benefit our reality, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project my inner battle between the two personalities instead of stopping myself and investigating each personality to put both to an end within realizing that both are self limiting because I have defined myself as them and thus felt constraint to maintain the personality, not allowing myself to expand and evolve in every moment of breath according to what is here in every moment, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a war zone in my mind, and thus create an experience of fear within believing the war to be true.
I commit myself to investigate my starting point within every project I start, within making sure I am not starting it within a war in my mind, as I've realized any idea of a war is a projection of an inner war existing within/as myself and thus I commit myself to take self responsibility to investigate the inner war and to put a stop to it within writing, self forgiveness and corrective statement, as I realize it is not acceptable to exist within an inner war, battling two personalities within myself and projecting this war onto a perceived war with others, I realize the acceptance of inner war is both compromising myself and others as I allow myself to attack them, thus, when I see myself experiencing myself in a war with another, I stop myself and breathe, I take it back to myself and investigate what am I fighting within myself, what are the two points of polarity within myself that I have allowed myself to project and thus exert the war outside of myself and compromise all around me in "dragging" them into my own self created battle.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be blinded by my "good intentions" and thus not allow myself to see that within the starting point of good intentions I am walking within energy, and thus creating an energetic polarity and thus experience fear and overwhelmingness as a result, thus I commit myself to, when going into a project within "good intentions" to stop myself and breathe, to not trust "good intention" blindly but to take a moment and investigate who I am within these intentions, as to find the point of energy within me and clear it up within self forgiveness and to continue walking this point/project in stability and thus prevent the inevitable fall that is sure to come within walking within energy, and thus utilize prevention as the best cure.
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Dan Malara said...

I often go into this internal war where I project the fear/loss side onto others and start arguing with this projection instead of actually communicating with another. It feels unfair, and yet I continue to manifest this design. Thanks for articulating this perspective. It has added to my perceptual framework and given me substance to work with.

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