Thursday, December 20, 2012
This blog is a follow up from my previous blogs:
Day 123 - Physics and the Desteni Process - From Overwhelmingness to Normal
Day 124 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - Self Forgiveness
in relation to the blog series “physics and the Desteni Process”
Within investigating the point that came up within myself as overwhelmingness towards writing the blog series "physics and the Desteni Process", I came to see the mind as a swinging pendulum, as it takes me from one polarity to the next, as from an energetic high to a low. In this blog I am still walking the point of overwhelmingness as a result of allowing myself to go into excitement and be blinded by it, to then face reality unprepared and fall to the other polarity as the mind's force pulls at me, sand I, as long as I don't stand up and direct myself, will be subject to the force of the mind within it's pendulum like movement. I have made a note to myself to expand on the behavior of a pendulum from a physical perspective, In blogs to follow I will.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become excited about writing the "physics and the Desteni Process" blog series within believing that I am doing something special, valuable and important, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to remain here in stability within realizing that there isn't anything special about self expression and self exploration, this is normal, and thus within realizing that what I am doing is normal I see that the excitement was a mind creation as giving more value to what I was doing, in the self interest of feeling good and special about myself, not seeing that any acceptance and participation in the mind's polarity will sure to be followed by the other end of the polarity, which is what I experienced within going into a state of panic and overwhelmingness, within this I see, realize and understand that the mind works in polarities, moving from one to the other and back again, as a pendulum, out of balance, going back and forth and only resting in the extreme points, thus I realize that any participation within and as the mind whether the good/positive experience of specialness or the bad/negative experience of overwhelmingnss, are both giving the pendulum of the mind more energy and power over me, instead of supporting myself to stop within breath, and not allow myself to give more force to the pendulum, to actually be able to come to the point of rest as the balance point of equilibrium, where the pendulum is not resting for a fleeting moment before it accelerates to the other extreme, but is in fact as rest, here, as all that is here in equilibrium.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get "pumped up" about the physics blog series, and within that not keeping myself grounded as one with breath, within this I realize that the experience of being "pumped up" over something is a for of separation within not allowing myself to look at the reality of the point, to see it for what it is, but instead I have added onto the point value, expectations, future projections and fantasies, within thinking as back chat “I will change the face of physics”, “I will prove the Desteni Message”, “I will assist and support so many beings”, “I will publish a book and become famous”, “This is a dream come true, a dream I never believed I will pursue – this is so exciting”… - and thus within allowing myself to exist within and as my mind and disregard all that is here as the physical practicality of the point, I deluded myself and thus paved the way for a fall, as when my fantasy met reality there was a gap, and within realizing the gap between my self created fantasy and reality is where I allowed myself to fall into overwhelmingness, and thus allow myself to be driven and directed by the mind, going from the one polarity to the other, as a pendulum going back and forth, subject to the force of gravity as I have allowed myself to be subject to the force of the mind.
I am grateful to realize within this point that when I make a decision to do anything it would be most supportive to not allow myself to go into an experience of excitement within realizing the blinding effect the mind is creating through such excitement, to through the blinding excitement set myself up for a fall, thus I realize I must support myself to let go the excitement factor, to let go the expectation and future projections, and simply look at what is here and evaluate the steps required to walk the point, as in this case, the steps were to actually investigate physics, to commit myself to self study, to realize that people will be reading these blogs and will share positive/negative feedback and so on, and thus to prepare myself for each of the points that are practically one with the project I set out to do, thus I realize now, and forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate the project and only see within it specific aspects that within only looking at them I become excited, not allowing myself to realize that I have been deluding myself as deliberately blinding myself to the wholeness of the project and thus to the practicality of walking the project, and thus deliberately setting myself to fall.
within this I see, realize and understand that the point of excitement is a point of self sabotage, as blinding oneself from the reality as the totality of a point within separating it to parts and only allowing oneself to see specific aspects of it that one want to see and thus become excited within self interest to experience the high of the mind's pendulum, while ignoring the predictable outflow as the pendulum will eventually reach the other extreme due to the forces working on it, to then face reality unprepared. Within this, I commit myself to slow myself down within breath, and when approaching a project to allow myself to see it as it's totality, and not allow myself to separate it and blind myself to the part I don't wish to see, as hard work for instance, but instead to make sure I walk into the project as a self committed self directed decision after I have seen all the points and prepared myself properly.
I commit myself to stop myself and breathe when and as I experience myself going into excitement, I commit myself to investigate the point of excitement and not trust it blindly within self interest to feel momentarily good, but to realize the reality of excitement as a polarity extreme that will inevitably end with the other side of polarity being manifested as an energetic low, and so back and forth into infinity, unless I stop my participation and stand up within/as breath and direct myself as one within the physical reality .
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