Sunday, December 30, 2012
This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 129 – Self Judgment – Part 1
Day 130 - Self judgment - Part 2 - Appearance
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself unconditionally and within that have created conditions and terms for my self acceptance as looking in a specific way, whereas within judging myself due to my appearance I expect others to judge me as well, and thus I exist in constant self judgment and fear of being judged by others, within this I have allowed myself to judge others and condition my acceptance of others in relation to their appearance, and thus I do onto others that which I fear having done onto me, in complete hypocrisy, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and others in regards to appearance, and within this I realize that my judging of myself and others is the source of the fear I experience for being judged, within the understanding that what you give is what you receive, the input is equal to the output, thus I realize that as long as I participate in judgment towards myself and/or others in regards to appearance this is what I will experience in my life, as it is what I have accepted and allowed myself to be equal to and one with. Thus I commit myself to stopping myself within and as breath when I see myself participate in judgment in regards to appearance, and instead of judging myself to participating in judgment I take every point of judgment as an opportunity, as a reminder to return here, to stop the thoughts as judgment and return to the physical body in equality and oneness, thus each time I participate in judgment will be a gift of reminding me to stop and return here to breath, to the physical body which I judge, yet stop judging to allow myself to build self intimacy, to get to know myself as the physical body as what I am, I commit myself to when I see myself going into judgment to ask myself about the practicality and function of that which I judge, and within this to realize that any point of appearance whether seen as good or bad is not valid because it has no practical implications, and no practical function in reality once stopping the accepted judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in self judgment for not looking like the image I have in my mind as the ideal way to look, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to question this image in my mind as how it got there and at what point in my life did I accept it as the condition for my own self acceptance, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue holding onto the ideal beauty idea even though I see how if effects me directly as I use it as justification to judge and diminish myself, thus I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to let go the ideal beauty image within the realization that I, nor anyone, is actually defined as who we are according to our appearance, and thus there is no common sense to give value to someone's appearance, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist without any common sense and continue feeding the ideal of beauty ideal instead of standing up for life and not accepting such an ideal to exist within myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept the ideal beauty I have seen in the media and society as my own, and within that have allowed myself to judge others when they don't fit the ideal, thus accepting and allowing myself to judge others as a projection of my own self judgment and fear of being judged by others as I have not accepted myself as equal to and one with my appearance and thus I judge others to justify to myself my own self judgment, instead of realizing the abusive nature of judgment and simply not allowing it to exist within and as myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to, instead of stopping the judgment within me, towards myself and towards others, I have allowed myself to take joy in judging others because I have allowed it to give me a sense of relief as not only I am not perfect but others are not perfect as well, and thus through judging others I accepted my own self judgment and believed self limitation within believing that I am defined by my appearance and since I have judged it as lacking I have believed myself to be lacking, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to do so, instead of stopping myself as the judgment within realizing that I am not defined by what I look like, as that is self diminishment to compare myself and others as living beings to a one dimensional image, as I know from my own experience that who I am is not aligned with my appearance, though how I see myself within the relationship I have with myself is the basis of who I am.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others based on how we look within placing myself as more or less than them depending on how close or far we are to the ideal I have created and accepted as an image in my mind, and thus if someone is further away from the ideal I will see myself as more than them, superior, and experience an uplifting energetic experience and will experience momentarily self acceptance, and if someone is closer to the ideal as I am I will see myself as less than them, inferior and experience a self judgment and will not accept myself, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed, as how I experience myself, by a point of comparison between me and others, not realizing that I, as how I am have not changed, yet I allow my experience to change according to people changing in my environment, instead of allowing myself to be equal to and as myself and remain stable, here as breath, regardless of who is around, and specifically regardless of the comparison I have created in my mind as a means to define myself, as to know how I should feel about myself accordingly, thus existing in total separation of/from myself as I need external stimuli to dictate who I allow myself to be in the moment, as self acceptance or self judgment .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and allow myself experience of myself to be directed by the judgment I make towards myself and others in relation to myself, not realizing that this is all done within the mind, as I do not change my appearance when I am around different people, yet I allow the comparison within my mind to change my experience of myself, as I go from a high to a low depending on who is around me and how much closer or further they are from the ideal image I have created in my mind.
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