Thursday, December 6, 2012
The following blog is a continuation of my previous one, please read it for further context if you haven’t already : Day 110 - Avoiding Work
It's just amazing how it is that once you open up a point within yourself, it starts existing in your life more prominently, to give you an opportunity to investigate it thoroughly and transcend it. So, I've had a chance to see up close, in a live situation, my manipulative and deceptive nature in regards to the personality of avoiding work.
Another cool point to see, is that it's not enough to just see what I am participating in, to transcend a point, one must write it out and apply self forgiveness, and then live the correction - change won't simply happen on it's own, change needs to be lived as self - yesterday I wrote out the point without applying self forgiveness, and today the same point was possessing me in my mind as back chat, inner conversations, and energetic reactions, thus, in this blog I will open up the point I've realized to be clear about it and then in the coming blogs I will open all the relevant points within self forgiveness to make sure I free myself from their enslavement and can apply myself practically as what is best for all life.
So, here is what happened: we had to make some changes in the work schedule, so some one suggested one option and I suggested another, we ended up arguing as I was trying to explain my point of view of why I think my opinion reflects the better choice. Within the conversation my self interest was exposed, I wanted to find a way to perhaps, if it could work out, to work a half hour less (this is what allowed me to see that I have been defining work as something that needs to be avoided as I've written in my previous blog) - they had caught onto me and basically invalidated my opinion, which makes sense, because we want to find a solution that is best for all, a solution that takes all points into consideration, and not just go by preference of the individual which in this case was clearly a manipulating to maybe, perhaps, possibly work a little less - within my argument I didn't consider the task at hand, nor the other people, I was only looking at it from a starting point of self interest.
An interesting point I saw within this experience, is that before I had caught onto myself, before I saw that the basis of my argument is self interest - my back chat, during the argument, as I was standing up and arguing for my opinion and explaining it, was of judgment towards them within the context that "they" are speaking from a starting point of self interest and are trying to manipulate me… lol… such a self deceptive mind… this clearly shows how any judgment towards another is a projection of what self in actually participating within, and judging self for it - it's never about the other being, any and all reactions/back chat/judgment within self is always self showing self back to self - this is why one must always investigate any and all reactions that come up within self and not trust/believe the mind - because it's a manipulative and deceptive son of a bitch.
We ended up deciding on a schedule, which was not what I wanted, but I accepted it, because I could see that my argument is self interest and not valid, though I felt frustrated, because I thought I, as my opinion, was right, but at that point I felt like I didn't care anymore, because the whole discussion/argument about our opinions was more draining than having to do the actual work, so I accepted it and let it go - or did I?...
Obviously, that wasn't the end of it, today as we were working and had applied the decision we came to the previous night, I realized that I was "right", I realized that my opinion from the previous night really did make more sense - so for a moment I felt the "I'm right" high within back chat and reliving the whole argument, and getting all energized about losing the conversation while being right... But believing I was right and the energy within it, didn't last for long, because it wasn't true in fact, and then it hit me as I realized the point of "who you are within it" - what happened was that, within our conversation the night earlier, I came to a specific conclusion based on self interest argument - What I've realized is that the fact that I would have gotten to the same conclusion based on an argument that stands to support all as what is best for all, doesn't make me right, the contrary, it allows me to see how deceptive/self interest/manipulative I have been. In self honesty I know that during the argument/conversation, I could see the common sense and the reasoning that would be best for all , but I couldn't bring myself to use it within my argument because it was not aligned with my self interest of avoiding work, I couldn't use that argument because it would mean that next time I would have to stand by it, and I wasn't willing to do so within the hidden self interest desire to avoid work.
So, the feeling that I was right in this situation can be looked at within the analogy of making enough mistakes in a mathematical equation, and ending up with the correct answer - that doesn't make one right, because it's not only about the conclusion / final result, it's about the way, it's about how you got to it, you have to be able to walk through all the steps of the equation and have all steps be valid - and so within our situation for all steps to be valid they need to be clear of self interest and in all way reflect the solution that is best for all, one must look at what was the starting point through out the entire "thought process" that made one come to a specific conclusion/opinion, and make sure all points along the way were valid, as considering all within the equation and reflecting a solution based on reasoning that is best for all life - so it's really not about what I say as my opinion, it's about who am I within the starting point of what I am saying - if I would stand as best for all, and consider all in the equation, my argument would be valid, and it would come across better - part of the reason I wasn't clear was because I was trying to make my point within hiding the self interest because I realize it isn't a valid argument, so the entire communication was off…
Ok cool, tomorrow self forgiveness, stay tuned
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