Monday, December 3, 2012

Day 108 - limitation within self definition

This is a continuation from my previous blogs:
Day 104 - Nature reflecting my assertiveness 
Day 105 - My relationship with Assertiveness 
Day 106 - Assertiveness - Part 3 - Self forgiveness
Day 107 - assertiveness - "problem points"

I found several definition of assertiveness
Assertive -
1. Confident and direct in claiming one's rights or putting forward one's views.
2. Inclined to bold or confident assertion; aggressively self-assured.
3. given to making assertions or bold demands; dogmatic or aggressive

The word assertiveness has been tainted with aggression, I see this through my own application of the word as well as how it's been defined in dictionaries - we live in a world that being confident and direct is related to aggression, that's the extent of suppression we have allowed in this world - as the only way one can express themselves directly and move forward would be through using force, so we have a world where those that are confident and successful had to force their way to the top, within allowing themselves to be aggressive, but they are not all solely to blame because this is what we all accepted and allowed as the demands within system , thus, we as the system have related assertiveness and self direction with aggression and using force.

I was planning to redefine assertiveness, but instead I was introduced to a new word - steadfastness, this word represents everything that assertiveness represent but doesn't have any aggressive connotations, steadfastness represents a stability, which is not in relation to an interaction, it is a self stability, whereas assertiveness is in relation to interaction and thus is not an unconditional self stand, as it is within communication with another, or towards another, thus, within assertiveness exist steadfastness, but steadfastness exist regardless of assertiveness as a self stability and clarity, steadfastness would then essentially be self assertiveness, an assertiveness as an expression of self regardless the situation.

1. fixed in direction; steadily directed.
2. firm in purpose, resolution as a person: a steadfast friend.
3. unwavering, as resolution, adherence, etc.
4. firmly established, as an institution or a state of affairs.
5. firmly fixed in place or position.

Please read this blog for further insight A History with Life After Death – Part 10 
"...the most Important Foundation Stone for your Process to Life Here on Earth, which is Steadfastness. It is Consistency. It is the Basis of your Existence. It is the Premise of One’s Equality. It is Who You Are, Breath by Breath. It is where you Face the Temptation of the Easy Road that is Always Presented by the Sugar-Lolly the System use to get you to Ignore the Total Reality and to Focus Only on your own Self Interest. Steadfastness – it is a Steady, yet Fast Movement, to make sure you’re not Shifted from That which Is Life, Equal, In All."

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stand as steadfastness, thus not allowing myself to stand firm, stable and clear within myself as self honesty as knowing who I am as life and living myself as self expression in every moment

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be self assertive, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be assertive towards myself as the mind as I have allowed the mind to direct me instead of allowing myself to be the directive principle

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as stable, serious, direct, and thus have not allowed myself to live and express myself as steadfastness, in fact I have defined myself as he contrary and thus have created characters as the joker character that I have lived by and have thus allowed to direct me, within not realizing that I am being directed by the character that I have created within separation myself form steadfastness as the expression of self as life

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the reactions of others within projecting onto them the self judgment based in the self belief that I am not qualifies to express myself as stability, thus fearing experiencing the judgment from them that will confirm my own self judgment, thus I have made a deliberate choice to avoid any stand within/as myself as to express myself as silly, and thus to prevent any judgment that will confirm my own self judgment as inadequate, not realizing that I have within this, created myself as inadequate and thus have in fact manifested my fear as proving to myself my own self created self belief, within this I realize that as long as I judge myself as incapable of standing, as unworthy of standing within stability, I will continue fearing being judged by others, thus I realize that my fear of being judged by others is mirroring myself back to self, as showing me my own points of self judgment, and point I have not allowed myself to accept as myself as one and equal

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to accept myself as serious and thus have separated myself from serious as an expression, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prove myself right within not allowing myself to express myself as serious though using the polarity expression as the joker and defining it as myself, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize and understand that both serious and the joker expressions are valid as self expression when striped of the polarity I have attached to them, within giving them a value, and a preference, thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself see that the value, preference I have given the serious and the joker expression have been limiting me from actually expressing myself as either of them as myself - because I have placed value/preference on these expressions I have used them as self definition and have limited myself as my self expression within an act, a performance, using these expression to suit my self interest, but within this I have lost myself in the performance and have become enslaved to the expression as not allowing myself to be serious "because it's not me" and expressing myself as the joker when it is not my actual self expression as a way to hide my true self expression from others as myself "because that's who I am, funny, a joker"

I realize that I am not defined by the character o believe to define me, thus, I realize I am not defined as the joker and not as "not serious" within this I realize that I can express myself in any expression and not limit myself as self definition, thus, when and as I see myself going into the joker character, I stop myself and breathe, I check my starting point, I check within self honesty if joking around is an actual self expression or is a participation within a character, thus if I realize that I am acting the character I stop myself, I breathe, and do not allow myself to participate in the character, I realize this will cause an inner conflict because this is the expression I am so used to thus I commit myself to support myself with breathing and continue breathing as I return back to self, and align back with myself as who I really am, thus not allowing myself to jump into character but breath through it until the energy has passed, within this I commit myself to when I see myself avoiding the serious expression due to fear, and due to believing it isn't who I am, I stop myself and breath, I allow myself to express myself in a stable and clear way without running away to the joker character, I allow myself to explore myself as clear, steadfast and stable without fear, within this I commit myself to stop the polarity I have created between the joker and the serious as I have realized both expressions are equally valid within a starting point of self honesty as self expression, and both are equally not valid as a character, participated within fear.

I commit myself to walk this point in awareness in the next 7-14 days, and to realign myself and investigate every specific point that come up where I see myself not standing stable and instead turning to the joker character, or not allowing myself to express myself seriously, within this I commit myself to right out the points that come up and to forgive myself and correct my application and to free myself from the limitations I have enslaved myself as within this point, and through freeing myself from this point, allow myself to be one within the expression of steadfastness in every moment of every breath - I realize this is a process and will take time, thus, I commit myself to walk it day by day until I have cleared myself from the points, until I have actually forgiven myself for how I have allowed myself to exist and correct/change myself to live as self expression within self honesty as living the principle that governs life as oneness and equality, and thus living as what is best for all life

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