Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Day 124 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - Self Forgiveness

This blog is a follow up from my previous blog:
Day 123 - Physics and the Desteni Process - From Overwhelmingness to Normal
in relation to the blog series “physics and the Desteni Process


I’m taking a brake from the physics series from perspective that, for a moment, I won’t be writing about a new point in the field of physics, but instead I will walk through the point of my process within writing this series, within realizing that the process of walking the physics series is a point of expanding myself as self expression, and thus is obviously not separated from myself as the process of walking myself into clarity, self responsibility and self defectiveness.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a resistance towards this project as writing this physics series once I realized I would have to actually investigate and do some leg work in order to be clear and accurate with the points I am opening up, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a sense of regret within self judgment for not actually integrating the material when I was studying it and as consequence, now, I have to do the work again, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to relive the experience I had through out my degree as of not being smart enough to be able to understand and interpret physics, and thus, now, when I realized I don't remember all the material in specificity and thus would have to re-learn all of it, I panicked, within allowing myself to go back into the experience of inferiority I had through out my degree, all this instead of realizing that I am walking this point for myself, as I am educating myself about the world I exist in, in order to become more effective within my daily application, within this I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to take this as an opportunity to brake the self create idea that I am inferior to physics and within walking the step by step process of learning what has been said and within applying critical reasoning to empower myself through allowing myself to express my perspective and insight within the starting point of expanding myself, as I take the physics into practical supportive application to find clarity and .



Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and believe myself to be the "lazy" character, and thus when I realized how much work there is to do I panicked, within believing myself to be lazy, within allowing myself to base my self-definition on past experiences and memories, and thus, due to never having done anything like this before, due to never before applying myself within self direction and consistency, I have allowed myself to believe I am not able to do so, instead of looking a the point in self honesty to commit to understanding it so I will be sure to never allow it to direct me again, investigating why I have never before allowed myself to excel, to push myself into consistent and effective application - I realize that instead of going into a panic within an experience of overwhelmingness, the common sense thing to do would be to see how I can improve, how I can learn to become effective, to stop the fear of failure because it only exists in my head and is limiting me as I believe it to be valid and justified based past experiences.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as lazy within self interest as it has always been more convenient to believe myself to be incompetent than to stand and take self responsibility and actually apply myself as the directive principle as what is best for all, within this i commit myself to walk a process of self change, within realizing that the only way to build self trust is to allow myself to stand up and take self responsibility, within realizing that only through taking self responsibility will i expand and allow myself to become a being that I myself trust and respect as a being that is self directive and self committed to self transformation through self application. Within this, I commit myself to stop myself as self interest, as when i see myself falling into laziness within the justification of self definition, I stop myself and breathe, I correct myself in the moment to push myself to do that which needs to be done, within considering myself in my process and not allowing myself to be directed by the mind as justification and self definition within realizing that it is limiting and restricting me from being all that I can be 



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within believing myself to be lazy and incapable of directing myself into self commitments, to not allow myself to learn how and thus allowing myself to exist as self limitation instead of allowing myself to change myself as self directive to become that which I have never considered I could be as effective, self directive, consistent - thus I commit myself to investigate why I have not allowed myself to be effective, self directive and consistent within finding the points of self interest that I have been holding on to as convenience ,and within this I commit myself to find and apply practicable tools as writing, self forgiveness, self corrective statements and breathing, to assist and support myself to become effective, self directive and consistent - and thus to establish self trust, self respect and self value.



I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to panic within the expectation that each day I will be ready to write a sufficient blog about a complete point in physics, within realizing that I must investigate the points and become clear about them due to having forgotten the specifics of the material, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself for not remembering all the material in specificity and thus exist in the past within regret, not realizing that by participating in self judgment as regret I am making the process harder on myself as instead of being here and walking the point within breath I have allowed myself to be in my mind as self judgment and thus not give myself the chance to be effectively here as breath, one and equal to the point that is here, within this, i commit myself to learn from the past and not judge myself because of it, and thus to make sure that my starting point is clear within everything id and if i decide to do something I commit myself to it in order to not repeat the mistake of doing something half way and then judging myself for not integrating it as myself, within this I realize that the only way to walk this point is to walk at my own pace, to slow myself down and walk the points as they open up and walk them within the starting point of self, of investigating and exploring the points for self expansion, and then share what I have found and realized for others to see, learn and expand as well.



I commit myself to walk every point within the starting point as self, and thus see, realize and understand why I am doing what I am doing, within this i commit myself to if deciding to walk a point, to dedicate myself to the point as myself and investigate within self honesty, within self trust that step by step, walking within breath, i will slowly but surely reveal the point to myself as myself, and open it up as self realization as i get to know myself through seeing my relationship with every point i walk, and thus expand, one point at a time.



I commit myself to establish self trust through allowing myself to support myself through writing, self forgiveness, and self corrective statements, to let go the self diminishment that has been the excuse to not stand up and take self responsibility, and within this I commit myself to use this point of the physics series of blogs to prove to myself that I can be consistent and effective and that within realizing this is a process, and I am learning myself as I'm walking, to give myself time without self judgment, and walk this point as self expression, into self gratification within knowing that I am walking and will keep on walking until I stand stable within and as myself



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Lindsay Craver said...

Very cool Maya - I can definitely relate - thanks

Martijn de Graaf said...

cool correcting

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