Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Psychology. Show all posts
Thursday, June 6, 2013
It's a fascinating process - realizing that all that I define myself as and live by is only but a self created self belief, and that I have the power and the ability to question these self beliefs and, when and as I find that the self belief is of a self sabotaging nature as most are, to then change it, stop my participation with it, stop believing in it as the truth of me, stop following it and accepting it as the only reality of myself.
Having said that, the self belief I am currently facing is the belief that I require external motivation to get myself moving effectively - such as having someone telling me what to do, or having a boss that is looking out at me and will judge my actions, or having a partner that my actions directly influence them and thus they will be there looking out, making sure that I do my job - I see that by having such external points of motivation, I will motivate and move myself to actually get my responsibilities done within the starting point of wanting to please them and gain their validation, positive confirmation and approval, and simultaneously to avoid conflict and disappointment.
In other words, I have allowed myself to be directed by this self belief in such a way that if I am my own boss, where I can only disappoint myself, I am less likely to motivate myself effectively and to ensure that I apply myself to the best of my ability and complete my responsibilities -- sadly this implies how much I have been diminishing myself as my self value and self worth, as I value others more than myself, as I am willing to disappoint myself but not others, I am willing to brake my own word to myself and not stand within my responsibility when it hurts / effects me, but not others… obviously there is a deeper meaning and explanation rather then it just being how I value others more than myself, as I realize all this form of self sabotage is rooted in self interest, and thus actually is not about 'them' but rather about me at all times - but this is a topic for another blog...
Now, I realize that if I can be effective within a situation where external motivation is applied - this would mean that I do in fact have the capability of being effective regardless the situation, and thus the belief that I require external motivation is a self limiting belief, where through accepting it, I create myself in alignment to it and make it to be true - but when looking at this self belief critically - it doesn't even make any sense, because if physically and practically I am able to focus and be effective within one specific environment as when having external motivation, that implies that I have the capacity of doing so in any environment, as long as I let go the self belief that is limiting me from doing so.
I just had a conversation with a friend and they pointed out that sometimes instead of struggling to change one can support oneself in adjusting the environment to make it easier to function, and so if I believe I require external motivation, it's cool to see and admit to it within self honesty as seeing where I currently am, as what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, and then within realizing and admitting to this, one can support oneself with creating the environment that will best cater ones needs - this statement / idea / philosophy of his made me realize that there is a very fine line between being hard on myself, as banging my head against the wall so to speak, in trying to deliberately walk through such points into self change, and between taking the simple/physical/practical approach of accepting who I am as the self belief - I realize that walking this fine line is where self honesty is developed - this is where it's not a prewritten recipe with a right and wrong way to go about it - for example, I know I have been too hard on myself from the perspective that I have been allowing myself to judge myself and then my starting point was always within judgment, which created a form of struggle within my process, as if I am bad and must fix/change myself to deserve and be worthy of life - and my friend on the other hand has accepted his limitations and self beliefs and truly believes there is nothing to be done besides changing his environment/circumstances to suite him… I would like to learn to apply both, as to accept myself as who I am at this very moment within the accepted self belief, as this is where I am now, and from this point of awareness, of seeing clearly who I have created myself as, to realize that this self belief has power over me only as long as I allow it to, and from there to start a process of self investigation to understand the structure of the self belief, of my relationship to the self belief, to be able to let it go within self forgiveness and to not be enslaved to it any longer.
I have been judging myself and from a starting point of self judgment I have resisted to walk my process of self forgiveness, and thus have resisted to apply myself in writing and thus sabotaging my process of self change. I have been procrastinating writing with so many excuses and justifications, even though each time I have written it has been so supportive, and so, depriving myself from this support is simply a form of self neglect and abuse, as a form of a self statement of not being worthy of support due to the massive self judgment.
And so, I am here, and I stop the self abuse, I stop neglecting myself, I commit myself once again to support myself in writing, to open up the self beliefs, the thoughts, the patterns, one by one, within breath, slowly and surely until it is done. so here I am, starting over once again. Making the decision to take care of myself, to support myself and to free myself from the limitations, manipulation and abuse of the mind as I have allowed and accepted myself to exist as.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, May 20, 2013
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run and rush and within this to forget to breathe and thus to forget myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to plan my day in such a way where I end up rushing from one place to the next with out leaving myself any time to breathe
I forgive myself for accepting ad allowing myself to move from one activity to the next while not being here in breath and thus separating myself from myself as breath and from the activity that I am participating in, within this I realize that I can walk through my day within breath in every moment and still tend to all activities doing so from a starting point of being here within and as self within and as breath
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to slow down within the activities I am participating in, and thus, to not allow myself to walk them breath by breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a form of anxiety as I move through out my day, and within that I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rush within the anxiety as if to get it done with and finished with, instead of stopping myself in the moment the rush / anxiety comes up, and within breath move myself to complete the task / activity within awareness of my breath as the hereness of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience a sense of importance as I rush through out my day, and thus from a starting point of ego and importance I sabotage myself and do not allow myself to slow down and breathe here, within the justification that what I'm busy with is so important, I must rush, and thus allow myself to distant from myself as breath
I commit myself to practice being here in awareness as breath within everything I do
I realize that building this self awareness as breath as the hereness of myself will take practice and consistency, and thus, I commit myself to return to breath time and time again
I commit myself to make note of flag points that come up through out the day, and to use them as reminders to stop and breathe and return to myself here
I commit myself to when I am typing my writings of the day, to slow myself down in breath, allow myself to be here as the words I type
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to even be here within and as myself as breath, and thus miss out on the one important and valuable thing in life - breath - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blind myself with a sense of importance in regards to everything I do in my life, and thus to distract myself from myself as breath into the mind
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that all that I can do for myself at this stage is to support myself in returning to myself as breath, to build myself from breath as life - I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to still be tempted and lured by the mind as desires and fantasies and back chat and judgments, and to instead of stopping my participation within and as the mind, I still allow myself to go into it and entertain myself with it - even though I have seen and realized that nothing good can come out of it
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, May 19, 2013
I just found some writings i had done when making the decision to leave the farm, re-reading it was interesting because i could see that I wasn’t honest with myself, not allowing myself to see what i want, because it clashed with what i expected myself to want, and within not admitting to what i want, i couldn’t investigate it and find the misalignments within it - the one thing I missed is the possibility of staying at the farm and changing my application - I was judging myself for not applying myself and my time there not being valuable, realizing that I am not being effective, but instead of changing myself I changed my location, within doing so, taking myself as the pattern of ineffectiveness with me, now - I could have stayed and applied myself and pushed myself to change and become effective and consistent, but instead I indirectly directed everything to leave on may 11th, within this, i used a conversation i had with bernard as the greatest justification to come to the decision that i did, not seeing that all he did was show me that which i wouldn’t allow myself to see, though only now i realize that, at the time i thought it was him approving and supporting my decision.. lol… so in a way i used his words to validate my decision when in fact his words only allowed myself to see who i was in that moment, and within not realizing this at the time, i simply went with that which i saw i wanted instead of investigating it and making sure it is the best decision i could make.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to decide to leave the farm instead of staying and making the decision to become effective
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the change I must push myself to walk as to become effective will be the same on the farm and here, and so all I did was postpone changing, bringing myself into a potentially harder situation instead of utilizing the support system I had at the farm
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see this points clearly and within it to support myself in realizing that staying at the farm and applying myself effectively would be more supportive than leaving and walking the point of changing myself into becoming effective, here in the system - within this, I realize I can only walk the consequences of my past decisions, and so it is still up to me here as I walk to change myself and become effective, and it is still up to me to utilize the support that is available here for me, and so, I realize that it's not a point of making a mistake whether to leave or not, but simply a point to look at and learn from for making decisions in the future, and within this to realize that it really doesn't matter if I'm here or there, because either way I am here, with/within/as myself, and must walk all the points equally - so, really no harm done - only an eye opener.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to direct my decision from a starting point of excitement and desire, and thus not within common sense and practicality as making sure that all the points are in place effectively before moving to the next step
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that the eagerness I experienced was actually a "fear of missing an opportunity" as I have experienced once before, thus allowing past events to direct me instead of directing myself here
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry along with me the past event of missing an opportunity and thus to proceed in hastiness from a starting point of fear of missing out, rather then practicality
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the fear of missing out instead of realizing that by existing within the fear I am manifesting it into reality as I have proven to myself many times, that, that which I fear will manifest by and from the fear itself - and so, I realize that any step I take within the starting point of fear is bringing me that much closer to the failure / missing out / disappointment I fear so much - and thus - I stop myself here, and commit myself to investigate all points of fear in order to not follow them blindly but to through the fear, see more clearly and develop self honesty
When and as I see myself going into fear, and being directed by fear, I stop myself and breathe - I realize the fear will always only manifest itself into reality, and thus will never actually support me as who I am as life - and so, I commit myself to, when I see fear as part of my decision making, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here, I write out the point and within writing it allowing myself to be self honest within myself and see deliberately and directly that which I am missing and not allowing myself to see as the fear.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to know what I want and thus ask for advice when actually I know what I want to hear and feel a relief when I hear what I want - and so, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to be honest with myself as to see that which I want, even and especially when it is not what I expect myself to want as it clashes with my expectation of what I believe I should have wanted
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and practice this realization that I must first be honest with myself as to see who I am in the moment, who I am within my relationship to a point, in order to from there see what I am allowing myself to be directed by - in other words, as long as I don't allow myself to face myself and see in self honesty who I am, I cannot correct myself and align myself as self support as what is best for all
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide from myself who I am as what I want / desire / believe / hope within self judgment as expecting myself to want / need / desire / hope something else, not realizing that it's not what I want but the construct of the want that is the problem so to speak, and thus, the judgment towards one desire implies that another would be valid, thus validating the participation in desire of mind, rather than realizing that all desires are equal in their separation, and thus, as long as I exist in the realm of the mind as want / desire / believe / hope there is no point of judging myself but rather seeing it for what it is and letting it go within understanding that I, as life, do not require want / desire / belief / hope as separation from / as myself
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by a resistance towards writing, and thus, instead of making a decision to write and follow it through in the physical, I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted and lured away by this resistance, yet I haven't directed myself to investigate it, thus allowing this mystery force to take me over and direct me, and I have done nothing to take control and self direct myself back to myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly / powerlessly / passively follow the experience of resistance towards writing, without investigating the specifics as to find myself within them, as what exactly am I resisting, why am I resisting, what do I not want to face, what do I fear facing, what point of responsibility am I avoiding? All these questions must be asked and answered by self - but instead I have allowed myself to be sucked into the heart of the storm, where the more I allow myself to get sucked in, the harder it is to come out
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to drift further and further from myself with every day I allow to go by without pushing myself to write - I realize, because I've seen this before, that when I allow myself to follow the resistance and be directed by it, and allow myself to not write and not support myself through writing, what happens is that I become weaker and weaker with every moment of such allowance - within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to support myself within the principle of "prevention s the best cure" and in the first moment of seeing me going back into the pattern and excuses of not writing, to stop myself and push myself to write, write anything, just to get out of the possession of resisting writing, to support myself through self discipline within understanding the consequences of not writing is that I become weaker within myself, as the mind possession becomes stronger and stronger, and I experience it as I become more emotional, more reactive, and less stable - where as when I write daily, and face myself daily, and push myself daily, I experience myself more stable, and more aware of my reactions / emotions and within this awareness, I am less moved by them, more directive - thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deprive myself of the value support of self writing due to identifying with the resistance, even though in common sense I realize that the resistance isn't me, because it doesn't not serve me as life
When and as I see myself resisting writing, as I see that I am not standing in my self agreement to write daily, I breathe and investigate the resistance through writing, as I have done here, within this I let go the point I am resisting but rather allow myself to let go the resistance as to support myself initially in getting back to writing and facing myself, and then, once I've started writing I can go back to the initial point that I have been avoiding and investigate that as well.
When and as I see myself resisting writing, through practically not applying myself in writing, I realize I must push myself to write because I have seen the support writing gives me and on the other hand, I've seen the self destructiveness of not giving myself the support of writing - I realize it is a slippery slope and I must support myself from sliding down there, I thus, commit myself support myself in writing, within realizing that I can either support myself or sabotage myself - there is no middle way, and nobody is doing it for / to me - it is all my doing for better or worse - thus, in order to build self trust, I must be consistent in supporting myself, like with taking care of an animal or child, one must be consistent with ones support, one cannot feed the child / animal irregularly, and if one does the child / animal will not trust them, as they have neglected them in the very basics of their necessities - thus, I must treat myself as I would a helpless child / animal - as I am helpless to the mind's control, unless I take self responsibility and stand up for myself - thus, in order for me to trust myself I must support myself consistently, and care for myself consistently, where as at the moment I have found that writing these points out, clearing them out through writing, applying self forgiveness and finding practical solutions as self corrective statements is the support / nutrition I require, thus, I must give myself this support, or else how will I ever trust myself, and further more, how can I ever be trusted with life if I can't even support / care for myself effectively?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within participating in the resistance towards writing, to go into a physical uncomfortable experience and use it as a physical excuse as to not write, not realizing that the physical uncomfortablility is the result, as an outflow, of my participation in the resistance, where I have used it to justify not writing as if it was the cause, thus manipulating myself and deceiving myself, instead of supporting myself and my physical body through realizing this construct and pushing through it as to not let it direct me and not allow myself to manipulate myself - within this I realize that my physical body is supporting me to self realize, and thus, when I am feeling physically uncomfortable it is my body's indication to me that I have gone too far with mind participation and I must stop now, thus, when experiencing physical discomfort I stop myself in the moment and breathe, I utilize the four count breath to support myself into stability, within investigating the "why" and "how" of my participation in the mind, thus, when experiencing physical discomfort, instead of using it as an excuse, I use it as self support, as a physical cross reference to understanding what I am participating with, I write myself out as to define the experience in words, as to understand myself better, as to draw a map of myself to better understand the construct / program that I am going into, and within understanding I can stand up and step out of it.
I realize what I'm writing is guidelines, and will not be transcended in one moment, but will take many times of practicing these points, pushing myself to walk these points, thus, realizing this is a process of space / time, this means that it will take physical corrective application in the physical, thus space, and accumulation of corrective application in time, for me to transcend these points - thus, I realize that there is no point in going into experiencing overwhelmingness, and simply walk with self dedication - I realize that if I don't dedicate myself to myself, in self support, I am leaving myself abandonment, because no one else can support me but myself, no one else can dedicate themselves to me, but myself - I realize it's only up to me to support myself to free myself from the abusive enslavement of the mind, to change and become a being of self respect, self honor, and within this, to be able to respect and honor all life as myself
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, February 21, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run ahead of myself, as to project into the future, in my mind ideas / imaginations / fears, to then believe them as reality while not realizing that reality is here, in the physical and not a projection of a future that hasn't happened, and is a mere reflection of my imagination / fears / desires.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to run ahead of myself as instead of remaining here in breath - remaining here in breath through making decisions and living them in the physical reality as reality unfolds
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disregard what is actually here by existing in my mind, as living in an illusion, of a self created movie scene representing what I desire and fear, creating an energetic reaction as excitement or anxiety, accumulating the energy to then, when reality unfolds, react to it and not stand stable as breath
I realize that participating in future projections is self sabotage, because I am, by doing so, building up the energetic charge within myself in relation to the future projection as desire and fear, and then when reality unfolds I experience conflict / friction or satisfaction, all mind energetic experiences, and thus creating the path for myself to become possessed by the mind's energy, instead of remaining here in breath, not building up and accumulating energy through future projections, to then, whatever reality brings forth, walk in stability, because I would have not attached energy in expectation or anxiousness to be enslaved to.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to speak about the future and share my future projections as if they were real, and by doing so, dragging those around me in my illusions, not taking into consideration the consequences of not only deluding myself, but also deluding those around me, not considering them at all, but rather using them as a platform to entertain my future projections, as I make them an audience to my future show
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by sharing my future projections I am giving them that much more power over me, as I have given myself as my future projections an audience, within this I realize that I must "control myself, as to when I see myself going into future projections, to stop myself and breathe, and to not entertain myself as the mind by sharing these ideas because it makes them physical in a way, and thus gives them more power over me, as I have now exposed them and others know of them, thus, as self support, I commit myself to refrain from sharing with others my future projections / ideas / imaginations, and make a point of remaining physical and practical within my words, as to support myself and them, through speaking the truth, as the reality of what is here, and not to speak the illusions of my mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, through out my day, as I do physical activities, instead of being here in breath, to be in my mind as future projections, as I imagine what I will say, what I will ware, how things will be, I imagine my experience within it, I separate myself completely from myself here, from reality, and embark in a journey into my mind
I realize that this is an addiction, because if it was not, it would be easy to stop it in the moment - today, as I was working in the garden, I stopped myself over and over again, saying to myself "NO!!" each time I saw myself going into the thoughts / imaginations - as I was stopping myself over and over I became frustrated and helpless, but then I realized that is also but a mind trick, because there is no point in giving up to helplessness, and yes, I will have to stop myself many many times before the thoughts stop coming up - I have given them so much energy through out my life, it will take time and persistence to stop them, to have their energy dissipate - thus, I realize that it's not a matter of giving up, but simply a matter of making the decision and sticking to it - thus, I commit myself to stop myself in breath, when and as I see myself going into my mind as future projections, imaginations, ideas, and within stopping to forgive myself and not allow myself to create and hold on to any self judgment, and to simply stop as many times as it takes, until it is done.
When I realize / see I'm in my mind, I stop and breathe, I bring myself back here to what I am physically busy with, I focus on my breath, I focus on my physical body
Within this, I commit myself to investigate the points that keep coming up, because I realize they are showing me back to myself, as representing a relationship within me towards myself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into future projections in regards to starting a business, within planning and imagining what I will say / do / ware, I realize this indicates a point of not trusting myself, as I exist within a belief / experience, that I must plan ahead, even though, once again, the point isn't here, from perspective that I am not, for instance, at the mall, buying cloths for work - I am working in the garden and anything that isn't in direct relation to what I am doing now, in the garden is irrelevant - I realize that within participating in that which is irrelevant I am showing myself a point of anxiety, based on not trusting myself to be able to handle life as it comes my way, and thus believe I am preparing myself through future projections
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to be able to handle whatever comes my way, through remaining here, breathing in stability - I realize this lack of self trust in regards to work is created through memories I am still holding onto within myself and giving value to and defining myself through.
In my next blog I will open up these memories, and will walk them through in self forgiveness to free myself from their hold of me, or actually my hold on them, so that I can learn from the past rather than being enslaved to it.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The point of inadequacy came up again. you are welcome to read my previous blogs on inadequacy:
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
Day 152 - Inadequacy – Preparing Food – Part 3 – Farm Chicken
Day 153 - Inadequacy – Creativity – Part 1
Day 154 - Inadequacy - Creativity - Self forgiveness
Even by defining one rout the easy one and the other a risk I can already see that I am altering my perspective, not allowing myself to see clearly the two option, and already infecting my decision with fear. I was never much of a risk taker, always preferred to play it safe.
What do I fear? Well, I've never been independent before, especially financially independent, I never had to provide for myself, I always had a safety net to fall back on, and because I was so used to my safety net, I never used it as a safety net, but more like a flexible floor, I never struggled for money, I always had jobs that didn't completely sustain me, because I could afford it due to my safety net.
Having money to fall back on was both a blessing and a curse, though now, looking at the consequences as the inadequacy I have created as myself as a result, it maybe more of a curse than a blessing - thanks to the money I had, I lived the life I believe everyone should live, everyone should have the sense of security, knowing that whatever comes up they will have the ability to take care of it, which in our world, in the current system, it means having the finance to take care of anything that comes up. Everyone would be better off living a life where they are not enslaved to a job they don't want to do, just to earn their living - even those words are insane, as in the current system we have to earn our living, we are not granted the right for life just for being alive - we must earn it.
So why do I say it is a curse? Well, in our current system as it is, if one cannot provide for oneself, they are basically screwed, money equals life, money is security, money is food / health / education / cloths / transportation, in the current money system one must have money or the ability to make money in order to survive and feel secure. For me, because I had enough to get by and then some, I never had to push myself to work for a living, I had it easy, I could work but didn't have to, so I did work, but because I didn't have to provide for myself I worked at low paying jobs, and it was never within the experience of survival. The problem was that "having it easy" can be a curse, a curse because I used it as an excuse to not live out my highest potential - what I mean is, because I didn't struggle for money, when I would meet an obstacle I didn't have to push through it, and so I didn't, I gave up, and that had become my pattern, and throughout time it had developed to a self belief that I am incapable of providing for myself, simply because I never had to do it, and thus, I never did.
So, anyway, now I'm faced with making this decision, and by taking the "risky" choice I will be forced to face myself big time - I will not have my safety net anymore, I will actually have to make it in the system in order to survive, I will have to push myself and not give up, because now, giving up would have severe consequences - as I'm writing this out, I experience shame, shame for not having the integrity to push myself regardless of having that financial safety net - I enslaved myself to my money through allowing myself to limit myself and not explore myself but instead hide behind the convenience of not having to push myself. I experience shame because instead of using the money in a productive way, I have used it as a crutch - I was leaning on a crutch even though I could actually walk on both my legs, and just like the physical body, when you use a crutch when it's unnecessary you will create consequences, as your legs will become weak and dependent, when you actually had the power to walk all along, but gave your power away to the crutch. I'm ashamed because, I had it all, unlike people that are born into poverty or any type of struggle, I had the opportunity to create myself as what ever I wanted, but I didn't, I didn't take the opportunity that was given to me, instead I had made it into a "golden cage", trapping myself in it, braking off my wings piece by piece, until reaching a point that I truly believe I cannot fly.
So, this is my curse that I inflicted upon myself, using a crutch when I could walk, and now, I don't believe in myself, I don't have the confidence that walking is possible, walking became a point of intimidation me, as I see all my friends walking and running, and I will just have to start over the whole process, starting with crawling, making the mistakes of the beginner and pushing myself to breathe through it to allow myself to learn to walk, realizing that I must do it, I must walk this process or I will never brake this self sabotaging self belief of inadequacy - it's a point of establishing self trust - yes, it would have been cool if I had done this years ago, using my safety net a support system instead of a limiting crutch, but I didn't, and now, the choice I am facing is to do it without a safety net, or not do it at all.
Not doing it would mean giving in to my fear, giving in to my experience of inadequacy, and once again not giving myself the opportunity to brake through this pattern, just as I haven't allowed myself to brake through in the past, by limiting myself and tying myself down by my safety net and fears. Doing it would mean that I will really have to do it, it won't be a game anymore, I will have to actually work hard, put in the effort, the time, the dedication, make mistakes and correct the while still standing and pushing through, in order to allow myself to expand, allow myself to live out my highest potential, allow myself to free myself from the chains I had tied myself down with.
As I'm writing this out I realize I have made my decision, there is still that voice in my head shouting out "Wait, don't do it!! What if you fall? What if you lose everything? How will you ever pick yourself up?" but I realize this is the voice of my mind, arguing for my own limitation, and I am grateful for this voice, as it is showing me exactly who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, as I have allowed myself to follow this voice of fear, as I have allowed myself to exist in fear, be directed by fear, and never actually do anything, express myself, take risks, because of the fear, coming up as future projections of all that can go wrong - but, is this who I want to be for the rest of my life? The answer is clear.
I realize this road might be bumpy, but in order to free myself I must allow myself to lose everything that has been holding me back from being myself as self expression, at this point I see it's my safety net that I have allowed myself to be restricted by, and as long as I hold onto it, and allow myself to make decisions based on the fear of losing it, I will have never lived, I will always remain but a portion of who I really am as life, as expression, as expansion.
Now that the decision is made, the journey is only starting, in my next blogs I will write out self forgiveness and corrective statement in order to prepare the way before me, to let go the points that have been holding me back and find within me the correction, so when I walk this path I am prepared.
At the moment I am experiencing a combination of excitement, anxiety and a stability - this is a weird mixture of experiences, as they seem to all contradict each other yet somehow they are all here. I'll investigate them as well in my next blogs to come.
thanks
for specific support in regards to making decision, consider investing in yourself the following EQAFE interview
REPTELIANS – Decision Making, Part 1, Part 2
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, February 7, 2013
This blog is a follow up from my previous blog Day 155 - Desperation - How will the world ever change?, where I express my desperation towards the condition of the world and blame others for creating it, while not taking responsibility and realizing my part in creating the world as it is - in the following blogs I will be walking in self forgiveness the points that had opened up through writing the previous blog, as my first step of actually taking self responsibility.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept unquestionably the information I receive through the main stream media and from social conversations / gossip / arguments, instead of allowing myself to investigate the points through cross referencing with other forms of media to allow myself to become aware and see the entire picture as what is actually going on in the world around me, and thus, to take responsibility for myself within and as the world / reality I live in and to within that take responsibility for the world as myself, instead of blindly placing my trust in the media to present accurate and unbiased informational facts, and in the governments to work within the best interest of the people as humanity and the world as one, and thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility to actually know what is going on around me in the world / country I live in, and within that to abdicate my responsibility to act on it, thus, stepping back and away from my responsibility of fully participating in life, as my responsibility of being an informed, active and contributing human being, as a citizen of the world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a bubble, where I do not listen to the news as to not hear about the problems that are going on around me, from a starting point of "it doesn't concern me, I don't really care" and thus, to allow myself to deliberately exist in ignorance as I ignore what is going on all around me, as a reflection of that which I am allowing to go on within myself and am ignoring and suppressing myself just as I am ignoring and suppressing the problems of the world in order to continue one more day to exist in my bubble of comfort , as I pretend that what doesn't effect me directly or that I don't know - doesn't concern me, while in fact, by deliberately not informing myself I am placing my vote for anything to go on as it is, as if saying everything is cool the way it is, while knowing in self honesty that it is far from ok, both within myself and without as the world system, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ignore in ignorance all the abuse and suffering because I believe it doesn't concern me because I have created a comfortable life for myself, and myself alone, within existing in the bubble of illusions separate from what is really here as the physical reality, and within it I don't want to inconvenience myself with the problems of others, as well as my own inner problems, thus , I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live in a bubble isolated from the world as the physical reality that is shared by all equally and is created by all equally and thus is the responsibility of all equally, as well as existing in isolation from myself in suppression, not wanting to face the nastiness of myself just as I don't want to face the nastiness of the world, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as "ignorance is bliss", when in fact, in self honesty I know that there is nothing blissful about the physical reality as it currently exists as, which I have allowed in my silence, as well as there is nothing blissful about my self experience, beyond and beneath the act of comfortability.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that if I'm not part of the solution I am part of the problem within giving my permission in my self interest silence, and thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to allow atrocities to exist as I give them permission by not standing up to stop them in the justification that "I am not aware / capable / knowledgeable enough to do anything about it anyway and thus let me let others that are more qualified than me to take care of this world, while I sit in my comfortable life in ignorance", within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that by giving my permission to atrocities to continue undisturbed, I am responsible for them, and from that perspective they do indeed concern me, they concern me from a perspective that within self honesty I know that I am allowing and accepting them to continue, within self honesty I know I much more capable and able to do something, speak up, writing a blog, and thus, within self honesty I know as I am doing nothing, that I am doing it within self interest, and thus, within self honesty I know the shame I am to experience when I allow myself to ask myself why did I do nothing? Why did I allow this? Why did I abdicate my responsibility and chose the easy / self interest way out through deliberate ignorance?
Thus, I realize that when abuse is taking place I can either stand equal to the abuse in self interest, or I can stand equal to life - where standing equal to the abuse can take the form of deliberate participation or deliberate ignorance as both allow the abuse to continue undisturbed, where as standing up equal to and as life, in standing up for life, I would take all measures necessary to expose and stop the abuse, to change the system so that such abuse will no longer be seen as accepted or justified, and to change myself into the living expression of life, as oneness and equality, in being a living example as living within and as the principle of what is best for all life, thus, not allowing myself to hide from the news in deliberate ignorance, but to inform myself, to educate myself, to take responsibility for myself, to no longer see myself as less than the world events but realize that I am in fact one and equal to all that is happening in the world, and in every breath I have a choice if to live this breath accumulating myself as deliberate ignorance as I ignore the abusive nature of this reality, or I can chose to accumulate myself as a responsible being that is working towards a solution, both within myself and without as the world system as a whole.
When and as I see myself go into an experience of resistance towards reading the news, within experiencing myself as not interested / bored / don't care / couldn't be bothered / "I have better and more important things to do" / "I don't know anything about politics I will not understand" - or any other excuse and justification to not take the time to inform myself of what is happening in the world around me - I stop myself and breathe - I realize that I must inform myself as to what is happening in the world around me which I am a part of and equal to, and responsible for whether I am aware of what is going on or not, through deliberately allowing myself to live in a bubble of ignorance, thus, I commit myself to become informed with world events, through reading daily news articles from different sources, I commit myself to educate myself through reading, investigating and cross referencing points of knowledge as to have a wide and unbiased perspective which will then allow me to be able to work towards solutions, within realizing that I must open my eyes and ears in order to know what is actually physically here as the problems of this world, in order to assist in finding practical and livable solutions that can be implemented in the physical reality as to assist humanity as myself to walk a process of correction from the abusive nature we exist as into a corrected, improved and perfected nature of self support, as an expression of "love thy neighbor", as living and expressing in every moment the principle of what is best for all life equally.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Sunday, February 3, 2013
This is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
Day 152 - Inadequacy – Preparing Food – Part 3 – Farm Chicken
Day 153 - Inadequacy – Creativity – Part 1
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my expression based on the self belief that I am not creative.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my expression as bad / inadequate and thus within the self judgment to believe that I am not creative and am incapable of creativity
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define creativity to a very narrow range of expressions, and within not seeing myself as good at any of these expressions, such as drawing, painting, writing, sculpting, I have defined myself as not creative, and within this have limited myself from expressing myself in any form of what I define as creative
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within believing that I'm not creative, to avoid from expressing myself in any way that I've defined as creative within fear of judgment, as I knew within myself, as a future projection, that I would be judged and thus I never allowed myself to try and express myself unconditionally
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that creativity as self expression is not defined as right and wrong, and thus cannot be judged, and that any form of judgment is based on the construct of the social system we exist within as a reflection of our society and ourselves as the mind, but it, the judgment, isn't in fact real, because creative self expression is not limited to how or what society has defined as creative, it is in fact any thing we do in self expression, as in self expression we are creating something new based on who and what we are in this very moment, within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my self expression because I wanted to fit into what society has defined as creative, and thus, within knowing that my expression doesn't fit this definition I have made the decision to suppress myself and never expose any thing that could be seen as creative, thus not allowing myself to express myself unconditionally within simply enjoying myself within my self expression.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define creativity according to a starting point of judgment, instead of realizing that creativity is derived from creation, and thus any thing that one does if done from a starting point of self expression is creative, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to limit my self expression due to the narrow definition I have given creativity, within allowing myself to be directed and controlled by fear of judgment, within defining myself on a polarity scale of good and bad, better and worse, and thus, within defining creativity as good / bad, I have judged and defined my own self expression as what I do as creativity on the "bad" scale, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize and see that I have created this chain of events as I have unquestionably accepted societies definition of creativity, along with the judgments I have placed on creativity as good or bad, I have accepted the judgments as truth and defined myself accordingly within believing I am not capable of "good" creativity and thus limited myself and have not allowed myself to express myself within anything I have defined as creative due to accepting and believing the future projection of failing, being bad, and being judged for it, to direct and control and restrict and limit me
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and within doing so to define myself as inadequate, instead of seeing what I can learn from them within a process of expansion within equality, and thus asking them to show me and help me improve my skill instead of deeming myself to believe I am less than and can never live up to their level of talent, within this I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take the easy way out, as I have allowed myself to compare myself and defined myself as less than but have not allowed myself to push myself to improve and expand within putting in the effort and actually moving myself as self support to expand beyond my current limits thus accepting my own limitations and then whining about it within my back chat and internal conversations because I truly believed myself to be less than and inadequate, instead of seeing that I have not even tried, and only within trying will I know what I can or can’t do, what I am more naturally inclined to do, and what I enjoy doing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support this self belief through comparing myself to others that I see as more creative than me and then, within comparison I am less than, and thus believe I am incapable of ever being at "their" level of creativity, which is a self sabotaging belief as it causes me to back off from life, as I allow it to direct me to not express myself, not put myself out there and basically exist in self suppression because I have created a self belief that my self expression is not worth expressing, based on fear of judgment as I have allowed myself to be directed by fear of judgment, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within cautious and fear instead of allowing myself to live freely as myself as self expression within and as breath
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold on to the self belief of inadequacy in regards to creativity and to project it onto all aspects of my life, as I have used it to prove myself as inadequate as the general personality / character of myself, as I've used it as another proof that I am worthless, instead of seeing it as it is, as some people are more inclined to do some things and some things may come easier to some people – I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that it only seen as worthless in a world where competition is the only value and that the only thing that is worthy is only “the best”, within a scale of judgment that is accepted in that world within society as we know and accept it - but I haven't consider and allowed myself to see that such a world is a world not worth living in, as it doesn't support all expressions and all beings equally - I would rather live in a world where expression is not judged as better or worse by a specific scale that is changeable as it doesn't really define what is real, and instead create a world that supports all expressions within the principle of equality and oneness, as all expressions when coming from a starting point of self, are equally valid, and equally contributing to our world - we can never know where the next cool idea will come from, we can never know where the next breakthrough or fundamental solution will be found - thus, by limiting ourselves within our self expression due to judgments and competition, we are restricting and preventing many opportunities of growth for all of us as humanity, and for the individual that is existing in suppression and fear of judgment.
This isn't the world I want to live in, yet I have been allowing myself to participate in the very construct that creates it the way it is - thus, I stop. I commit myself to walk through my accepted self judgment through writing, self forgiveness and corrective statements, I commit myself to investigate all points of self judgment and the suppression I have allowed within/through it, I commit myself to explore myself within self expression, and when I see a point of resistance within fear I commit myself to investigate the point and correct myself within and as the physical. I commit myself to stop myself within and as breath when I see myself going into judgment towards other people's expression as I realize that by judging them I am creating a fear within myself towards being judged, as well as I am not living the principle of give as you would like to receive, thus I commit myself to investigate all point I judge other people's expression and within a process of bringing it back to myself, to see the point in clarity and correct myself within it, as I change myself in alignment as what is best for all
I commit myself to give myself some time during the week and explore myself within sketching as a point of self support, as sketching within and as breath, within directing myself to learn to enjoy myself within it and to stop the judgment that come up towards what I do, I realize that I'm not doing this to achieve a "pretty" result, but instead from a starting point of letting go the self judgment and allowing myself to simply utilize another form of self expression as a point of self expansion as self support
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Saturday, February 2, 2013
This is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Day 150 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food
Day 151 - Inadequacy - Preparing Food – Part 2 - Preparing Wraps
Day 152 - Inadequacy – Preparing Food – Part 3 – Farm Chicken
Since I was a child I "knew" about myself that I'm not creative, not talented in the arts and crafts. My sister was, my best friends were, and I wasn't.
I remember drawing in class at school, and always feeling frustrated when I would compare my stick like images to my friend's realistic and accurate drawings, it has always been an accepted joke between us friends, mocking me for drawing these round faces and stick like figures, all very symmetrical, no creativity whatsoever. Back home it was the same, my sister never made fun of me but she could draw and doodle so nicely, she would paint on the walls of her room and I was always jealous of her talent, comparing myself to her and knowing within myself that I could never do anything as pretty as that.
The lack of talent I saw myself as, included not liking my hand writing, and of course I compared myself to my sister and my friends, which had such nice and "girly" hand writing where as I had messy and unclear hand writing, like a boy's. So basically any form of artistic / creative expression using my hands as tools I would judge as less than those around me, and condemned myself to believe I am inadequate.
Years have gone by since that drawing class memory or since my sister doodled on her walls, though I still held on to this self belief of being inadequate when it comes to creativity within any form of artistic self expression through using my hands, as drawing, writing, painting, sculpting - anything that I had packed up in the definition of creativity -it didn't include crafts that I didn't define as creative such as sawing or hammering or cutting, with such crafts / skills I didn't have that self believed inadequacy, it was very specific to anything I defined as creative and girly. It's like I've taken anything that I define as creative / artistic and girly, put it in a locked box, and threw away the key - truly believing that I don't have any access to such expressions.
A few years ago I decided to walk through this self belief because I saw everybody around me enjoying themselves through self expression creativity such as drawing - it looked fun when other people were doing it and I saw that I was limiting myself based on self judgment and that I actually never really gave it a real chance, so I went to a 6 meeting sketch class to learn the basic skill and maybe allow myself to open up to the point - I just wanted to learn to enjoy myself through drawing, I didn't want or expect to be any good at it, I just wanted to be free of this self judgment that has been preventing me from enjoying myself through drawing .
During the class I still participated in lots of self judgment based in comparison and competition, but there were moments, when I let it go and just allowed myself to sketch, and I remember this one time I was sketching a pine cone and it suddenly popped out from the paper and came to life, it was so awesome, I couldn't believe it - I had done it, I broke the "I can't draw to save my life" character, as I have finally proved it wrong.
A few weeks later I drew my "master piece"- I copied a photograph of a child's face from a book, and when I was done and put down the pencil, I couldn't believe I drew it, I put it on my wall and stared at it, I could have easily convinced myself that a spirit came through me and drew it, because "I could never have done something so nice" - I realize that even though I broke the character, I actually didn't - being able to draw was so out of character for me, that I couldn't take it in as myself, I experienced it like an inner conflict between my self belief and this picture hanging on my wall - of course I don't believe some spirit drew it through me, and I realize it was in fact me who made that sketch, but the experience was of disbelief, like a form of shock, I couldn't really accept that I did that, within it I also experience a form of doubt as to whether I could ever repeat it again. I did try drawing since then, but didn't give myself the time to do it properly and then I just lost interest - I think there was / is a fear within me that I end up proving to myself over and over that my self belief was wrong, that I am not inadequate - I wasn't ready to let go of this point of inadequacy, so I didn't continue drawing and kept on to the belief that I can't.
In the last 10 years I've had some experience with working with children, and even though generally speaking I am confidence in working with them, when it comes to creativity the experience of inadequacy still takes me over, and I sabotage myself through not creating the posters / signs / activities within the justification that I am incapable of doing them properly, if any task requires any level of creativity I still, to this day, allow the experience and self belief of inadequacy to direct and control me and I do anything to avoid doing it. "I don't want to do it", because I still "know" it will turn out bad, I am left frustrated that doing such tasks is a part of the job - I still compare myself to others that creativity comes easily to them, I then project the comparison and experience of inadequacy onto the entire job, and compound it into believing that I am not fit to work with children because I am not creative enough.
I will continue with self forgiveness tomorrow
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Monday, January 28, 2013
this is continuing my previous blogs
Day 143 – Inadequacy
Day 144 - Inadequacy - a child gymnast
Day 145 - Inadequacy - Child's Play
Day 147 - Inadequacy - forgiving childhood play time
Day 148 - Inadequacy - Reading difficulties
Day 149 - Inadequacy – Self Created Reading Difficulties
Today was my cooking day, which means I prepare dinner for everyone, it took me a while to get used to making food for so many people, as I'm used to making food for myself pretty much, but it's been working out quite OK, and I've actually been enjoying myself most of the time preparing food, today though was different - I decided to make home made tortilla wraps, as this is a meal I would make for myself back home very often, so I am basically very comfortable with this meal and I like it a lot, and even though it's a familiar meal for me to make, today I really stressed out over it - I was worried they won't like the food combinations that I wanted them to fill their wraps with, I was worried there wouldn't be enough food, I was worried because I had bought a weird flour that made the wraps harder to prepare and I wasn't sure they would be any good, I was worried the chicken pieces wouldn't turn out right because I cooked farm chicken which tends to turn out tougher than chicken you would buy from the shop - I basically was stressed out and worried about this meal all day long, mostly about it not being enough, and then all the unpredictable "problems" that came along the way, and regardless of the worrying there was a lot of the actual physical preparations and cooking to do, so basically I was busy with this meal all day long - all the time it actually took to make it, and all the rest of the day as I was stressing and worrying over it.
I experienced myself doubting myself every step of the way, being hard on myself, and blaming myself for every possible mistake, like buying the wrong flour, or fucking up the chicken, or not making sure ahead of time there are enough veggies for the stir fry and so on…
I see this related to the character of inadequacy I have created myself as, I realize there is an imbedded self doubt within me that I have accept as myself, and thus, have been allowing this self doubt to direct my experience through out my day. And so, even though this is a meal I am comfortable with, and even so I have cooked for this many people quite a few times already, I felt inadequate, I didn't trust myself to pull it off effectively.
The point of inadequacy mostly came from the perspective of not knowing how much and what specifically they will eat, and it perpetuated the fear of failing the dinner, where as the most basic failure is not having enough food, but it's also a failure if there is too much and food is thrown away, it's also a failure if they don't like the food, and of course if I don't like it. So, instead of walking my decision of making this dinner for all these people, in breath, I was running and panting in an experience of an inner panic all fucking day.
It ended up being ok, there was enough food and on the most part people enjoyed the meal, which is cool because that's what I aimed for, but there is no excuse for how I allowed myself to experience myself all throughout the day - today was a prefect example of how I walked the day in my mind, in a constant state of a panic / stress / inadequacy, while still committed to walk the physical practical actions that need to be done - so, it's not that I collapsed under the stress and gave up from perspective of not making the dinner, I did what needed to be done, but I could have done it quietly, without the mind as back chat and emotions pounding within me - I mean, it is actual self abuse to allow oneself to walk the day in such a state, especially when there are physical practical solutions and considerations that one can act on and prevent problems, such as asking someone for help, which I did, or preparing more food, which I did, or preparing the food enough in advance to be able to do everything properly, which I did - so basically I did all the practical physical steps as effective as I could and within common sense, I didn't blow it off, I didn't wait for the last minute, I didn't ignore the unpredictable problems that arose throughout the day - I did it all, but I did it in a constant state of energy, as a constant self doubt, within a constant experience of stress and unease.
The result of today is that I'm exhausted, not because of the physical work I did, that part I actually enjoyed, but rather because of the mind fuck I allowed myself to be in all day long, and I didn't once stop myself to breathe, I didn't once stop myself within realizing that the outcome of the dinner is not as important as who I am within myself throughout my day as I'm preparing and making it.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk the day within full participation within / as my mind, instead of stopping myself in self support to breathe, to bring myself back here to the physical reality and out of my head of back chat, self judgment and worry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself, within accepting myself as inadequate, to not trust myself that I can properly make a meal but instead to doubt myself every step of the way and exist in a state of stress and worry.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exhaust myself due to my immense participation within / as the mind, instead of supporting myself to be here in breath, within allowing myself to slow myself down and to walk and breathe with the pace of the physical, not running ahead in my mind, but walking here.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of stress and worry within doubting myself within accepting myself as inadequate and incapable, instead of simply doing what I can physically do and trust myself within self honesty that I am in fact doing what can be done, and walk in stability regardless the outcome.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk my day in fear of the outcome and thus not allowing myself to be here in breath, equal and one with the physical reality as myself, but instead have projected myself into the future within / as my mind, as I imagine worst case scenarios as the judgment of others as the meal falls apart, and thus walk my day in fear of being judged for fucking up, not realizing that within walking in fear I am fucking myself up where I can see the result of that within the exhaustness I am experiencing now, at the end of the day, as it was such a long day, but only due to my constant participation within / as the mind.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to care and worry about what others will say / think about the meal I make and thus within existing in fear / worry abusing myself throughout the day, as I have been victimizing myself, crucifying myself in the name of making a good meal
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into preparing this meal in energy, as I have been planning it and anticipating it for a few days, projecting / imagining how great it will be and how much every one will love it, and thus within allowing myself to exist in the positive energy of excitement and anticipation I have created for myself the inevitable consequence of experiencing the low / bad energy as the worry and fear of it not working out as I had planed and hoped
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to breathe through the unpredictable problems that came out throughout the day, and instead have allowed myself to follow my mind and get lost in it and possessed by it, and as such I have missed myself within this day
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prepare this meal in a starting point of desire for it to be great, instead of walking it practically within a starting point of simply preparing a meal to the best of my ability within the limitations and physical situations that come up, with no energy attached
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk this entire breath without stopping for a moment to breathe, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compromise myself throughout this entire day within not being here in breath, but instead existing and participating within / as the mind as energy, I forgive myself for acceptng and allowing myself to become possessed by the energy of the mind
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ask those around me for help within a starting point of preparing myself to fall from perspective that asking for help is admitting and declaring there are difficulties and thus preparing the others that dinner might be a flock, and thus, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to ask for help within the practical common sense starting point of actually and simply finding solutions for the problems and situations that I have detected within preparing the meal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be excited about the meal and thus have not taken the time to prepare effectively what needed to be prepared ahead of time when fast, easy and practical solutions would have been easy to be found.
When and as I prepare a meal and see myself going into energy as excitement or worry, I stop and breathe, I realize that I am participating in the mind as here, in the physical there is no practical room for excitement and worry, there is only room for actions, thus, I commit myself to breathe, I commit myself to walk the physical steps here in breath, I commit myself to list out what needs to be done and trust myself to walk it.
When and as I see myself doubting myself within the acceptance self belief of being inadequate, I stop myself and breathe, I stop the thoughts as back chat, and focus on the physical, as the physical actions that I am doing and need to be done
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
