Showing posts with label self directive principle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self directive principle. Show all posts
Thursday, March 21, 2013
this is a continuation of my previous blog:
Day 173 – Still not good enough
Day 174 - Laziness or Inadequacy?
Day 175 – Priorities
Day 176 - The Last Minute
Day 177 - Not Pushing Myself
a must hear - Why do we not access our full potential? Why do we hold ourselves back?:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place the self forgiveness statement yet leave them "bare" and not complete them with the directive understanding, decision and commitment as to how I would change practically
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that only self forgiveness is not enough for self to change - one must actually walk the correction in the physical reality as the expression of self, whereas the self commitment statements allow one to see and prepare self as to how one would do so, within and through writing the point as a self corrective statements, one can see more points of reaction within self, and more specific details as to what / when / how / where one must do to correct oneself.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to write self corrective statements within a starting point of not trusting myself that I will actually do them, and thus to exist within a self belief that I will let myself down and within this belief I do not push myself to even try because I fear failing myself
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear self judgment for failing myself, and thus, instead of giving myself the opportunity to write the commitment and to see how I handle it, to then allow myself to learn about myself through whether I apply the correction or not - instead of allowing myself to try and learn from what I now perceive as a failure, I have not allowed myself to even try, and so I avoid the possibility of failing- but within this I destroy the possibility of actually changing
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that this is a process, and within this process I am preparing myself through the tool of writing of self forgiveness and corrective statements, and thus, when I go into self judgment for not applying the corrective statement I am participating in the mind within not trusting myself and the process as myself, and within expectations which only create another relationship and thus personality in regards to my own application, tying myself down to another pattern of thought / emotion / feeling / back chat, instead of releasing myself - and thus, within this I realize that I must walk this process without the burden of expectation, but within giving myself the time and dedicating myself to the application, as to do what I can do in the moment without the future projections as fear and expectation, that hinder my self application here.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I have been writing commitments in self dishonesty, from the perspective of not writing commitments that I can in fact walk as who I am, but writing them as a future projection, as what I would commit myself to when / as I change - but, in order to "get there" I realize I must draw the map for myself and then walk it, and by drawing the next piece of the map, without walking where I am, is another form of self sabotage, because obviously I cannot walk where I am not - I can only walk from the point I am at.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to be more than myself within writing commitments that are not aligned with where I actually am but rather with where I want to be, which on the one hand it's cool to know where I'm going, but on the other hand, in order to get there I must be willing to admit to where I am now without judging myself but simply within realizing and facing who / what / where I am at this very moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to sabotage myself within my process in writing commitment statements that do not reflect where I am at now and thus do not support me in walking from where I am here, but rather create a situation that I cannot walk the commitment as I am not "there" yet, and so I create frustration and resentment within myself towards myself my experience and my process - while all could have been prevented if I were to write within self honesty, within realizing this is a process, and committing myself to the process, to myself, to walk from where I am now, within allowing myself to see where I am now, and not within wanting to be someone / somewhere that I am not - as that is self dishonesty and creates consequences as inner conflict / friction
more on this point to come…
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Friday, March 8, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Day 168 - Falling like a leaf, or following your self direction - what do you chose?
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the experience as a self created belief, that making decisions is hard, and thus I have accepted within every decision I had to make, the experience of anxiety as an integral part of it, not allowing myself to be here in breath, and apply common sense within self trust to simply make a decision within self trust
Within this, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accept fear to be a part of any decision I have ever made, within a starting point of fear of "making the wrong decision" within the belief that there is the "right" decision and there is the "wrong" decision - this within not trusting myself as believing myself to be clueless, I have allowed myself to exist in self doubt and thus to have self doubt as my starting point, within this, I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to utilize common sense and make a directive decision within investigating all points and "going for " that which I have calculated to be the most effective option - but rather I have hidden behind self doubt and allowed myself to stand still / frozen in place, for as long as I can, and thus postponing making the decision to avoid picking the "wrong" option in fear of making a mistake.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to avoid making decisions within fear of making a mistake, and thus have allowed myself to postpone making a decision and wait for the decision to make itself through reality unfolding and options falling away due to other people making decisions, and thus, I have allowed myself to be subject to other people's decision making instead of standing up within myself, and taking a chance, and directing myself, and making a decision for "better" or worse" within realizing that if I don't trust myself within making sure I am looking at the point in common sense and investigating the options, I end up trusting someone else, while I don't know what was their motivation for the action / decision they took, within this I realize that by not making a decision and waiting for the decision to "make itself" I am abdicating self responsibility and not actually ensuring the best outcome possible, because I have taken myself out of the game so to speak, instead of being an active participant and contributing myself through making decisions in self trust within utilizing common sense.
I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that while I avoid making decisions, decision are still being made, yet I have given my power away and thus cannot influence the outcome but am put myself in a position of an observer, as one that can only complain about the result, and thus have separated myself from the situation and from reality within fear of making a mistake, yet I haven’t realized that one cannot separate oneself from reality, because all in reality is interconnected, and thus, by not standing up within myself and making decisions and walking them in self trust, I have been given my permission to others to make the decision for me, and thus am responsible for the decisions being made, even though I wasn't making them - because within not making a decision I am in fact making the decision to follow others, within giving away my power and ability to influence the outcome to others, and thus am responsible for what they decide and do just as much as if it were me making the direct decision, even though I have not effect of what they decide and do - within this I realize that when I abdicate my opportunity to make decisions and direct myself within my life, I am not in fact abdicating self responsibility, because one remains responsible at all times, all I am doing is giving away my direct influence and contribution, as a statement that I am not worthy of participating and that others / the world will be better off if others decide - but that is bullshit, because I have not the ability to investigate “their” starting point, I can only investigate my own, and thus, only through making direct decision can I ensure that I am contributing to reality and to myself that which I stand by as what is best for all, and every decision that I do not make I am allowing any other starting point to take control, and I am in fact responsible for the outcome
When and as I see myself avoiding making a decision, within the experience of anxiety / fear within not trusting that I know what to do, I stop myself and breathe, I support myself through writing and open up the point / decision that I am facing to see more clearly what am I dealing with, I realize that I do know within myself, within self honesty, what is the decision that I must make, and thus I support myself through writing to reveal myself the answer that I hold within me, in realize that the experience of "not knowing what to do" is a self manipulation tactics to hide from myself in self interest, and thus, I investigate through asking myself questions as to why do I fear facing that which I know within myself in self honesty that I must do - this within realizing that within myself, I have the answer to myself, and I can either find the answer within myself in self honesty as what is best for all in equality and oneness, or I can manipulate myself to hide myself the answer and exist in self interest and fear. Thus, I commit myself to investigate any point within me that I see / find myself avoiding making a decision, I commit myself to get to the bottom of why am I sabotaging myself from being direct and self honest, what am I hiding from myself and why - and within this, through practicing and within and as breath, I will build self trust, one decision at a time.
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
Thursday, March 7, 2013
for context please read my previous blogs:
Day 160 – A life changing Decision
Day 161 - Shame - I've done nothing with my life
Day 162 - Running ahead of myself
Day 163 - Running ahead of myself - Self forgiveness
Day 164 - Enslaved to Memories - Failed opportunity relived
Day 165 - Enslaved to Memories – Correction
Day 166 - Enslaved to Memories - Money and Morality
Making decisions is hard - most of my life I avoided decisions and preferred to "go with the flow", let life make decisions for me, at the time it felt very much like a let go, like I'm not attached and can do whatever life brings my way, as a part of a careless character I have defined myself as - but I was lying to myself - I was afraid of making my mind, I was afraid of making a decision and it being the wrong one, I was frozen in fear and simply couldn't decide, until then some of the options just fell away and became irrelevant, and some, the more I considered them, seemed non-realistic based on my own self limitation, this "natural" process of elimination went on until I was left with one option, which I "chose", or did it choose me?... sometimes the decision was made based on some conversations with friends, where I end up choosing the option that seems to make the most sense to them, as far as I could perceive, like making decisions based on what I believe others expect of me, within a weird assumption that they know something I don't, they have it figured out, thus, I should follow their advise because "what do I know?"
Ether way, it's rarely, if not ever, been me making a decision as a self directive decision within common sense through actually investigating the options and deciding for real and for myself what would be the most practical / best route for me to pursue, within considering the outflow of each decision, considering the physical / practical application that each decision has within it, considering the responsibilities that each decision implies, and considering the consequences of each decision.
I use to love having lots of options, it gave me a sense of freedom, as I was free to chose from so many options, but was I really free? Apparently not, I was enslaved to my fears and self created limitations, I was never actually free to make any decision, and the funny thing is that if I were free of the enslavement of the mind I would know what to do before having the confusion, which is mind created - within all the physical and actual options that presented themselves I wouldn't really have a choice, because when one is free of the enslavement of the mind one has only one actual rout to go in, and that is the rout of self honesty - so, here it's just a funny point to realize - we are existing within a desire to have free choice while at the same moment robbing ourselves of any choice because we exist as the mind, and thus follow the preprogramming of the mind as we blindly follow our self interest, as we are blindly directed by our fears and desires - we have no choice at all - and once we free ourselves from the mind, and stop ourselves from following our self interest, and stop ourselves from being directed by our fears and desires - we are left with one choice, which leaves no free choice, from the prospective of how I , as the mind, have defined choice.
So really, and this has been said so many times within the desteni material - we all only actually have one choice in every moment and every breathe - we have the choice of living self honestly or dishonestly - whereas within self honesty there isn't a choice because within self honesty one always choose that which is best for all life, and within self dishonesty there isn't really any choice either, because one simply follow their preprogrammed mind as their own patterns / habits, created by memories of the past, and basically exist in a time loop reliving past memories over and over.
As I've said above, within making any decision I would experience, and still do, the fear of making a mistake, fear of being wrong - this is tied into a belief or a form of experience that there is the ultimate "right" thing to do and the ultimate "wrong" thing to do, and I must chose the "right" option but I don't know what it is and I don't know how to know, within this there is a subtle experience that I am being watched by existence and will be judged if / as I choose the wrong option - within this I now realize and must remind myself of this when and as each decision I ever have to make, that you cannot make a "wrong decision" - every decision will simply have different outflows - and you can walk in your mind the time line of each decision in order to see which consequence are you willing to live with, which outflow is best for all - this can be done in writing as a practical tool, as to open up all possibilities that each option holds within it, to come to a clear view of the situation in self honesty, as we all know our accepted fears and limitations, and we might as well allow ourselves to "look into the future" and see how we might sabotage ourselves to be able to self honestly say to ourselves "am I willing to walk through this point and change myself, or, am I willing to live with any consequence that may come my way within walking this option?"
We must see and realize what is the "price" to pay for each decision... because we have a tendency to exist in the imagination where all our fantasies seem wonderful, where some options just don't seem to have a down side, but then in the physical reality there is much more hard work than we allowed ourselves to be aware of within our bubble fantasy, more consequences, more responsibilities involved - in most cases, if we allow ourselves to step out of the fantasy and into reality, if we allowed ourselves to look at it within self honesty, as to let go the desire, and just look at the physical reality of the options, within considering who I really am, as what must I walk through and transcend in order to walk this option most effectively - if we do so, we can see the physical outflows and consequences of our options ahead of time, at least to some extent - and that would be a good starting point of making the decision - as practical self honest self investigation.
For instance, for me, there is the fantasy about "I want to make so much money" but then in reality I must be willing to "pay the price" which is a lot of hard work, making phone calls, talking to strangers, meeting people, acting like a successful person even before i actually feel like i am - there are many aspects of the fantasy that don't show up in the initial imagination of "I'm going to make so much money", I have to "dig in" in order to recognize all that is practically / physically involved in making and living with this decision - so for me, all these points that i see are a big challenge, and initially I don't really want to face these points and don't really walk through them , because I fear them - though, within this, I know that walking through these points, pushing myself to apply myself, for better or for worse, either way - it will be a stepping stone for growth - I know that if i push myself and dedicate myself, regardless of if I turn out to being good at it or not, if I make all the money that I wanted or not, regardless any result / outflow, as success / failure - I realize that if I chose this option, my relationship to the experience, is what I will make out of it - this I way the actual option is not so much the point - the decision is who am I going to be in relationship to the decision, and to all that comes my way.
Whatever happens, if I chose to live self honestly - I will self investigate my reactions, my self beliefs, my imaginations, I will take self responsibility for the failure and analyze the success, I will not take success / failure personally into emotions and feelings and will simply stick to the physical and practical - so either way it can be a growing experience, whether i "succeed" or not... Still though, i have a lot of fear - but i don't want to be directed by my self believed limitations... i know how much i limit myself and don't believe in myself - so, any point of making a decision is an opportunity, is a chance to prove myself wrong, and to free myself from the beliefs by walking through the fears, and not letting them dictate to me who I am ...
to help oneself decide in regards to making a decision - you must look at all your options, look at and try to understand why you want each one of them - what about them appeals to you? what about them do you reject? What about them is an imagined fantasy? Where are my beliefs and assumptions in regards to the option? And which ever other supportive questions you may have - then you can start seeing more clearly.
Instead of going through all this "trouble" of making a practical decision, what I have done most of my life is follow the tendency to not make a directive decision and just "go with the flow" because that is a way of escaping facing myself, it's a way to avoid taking responsibility for the expected failure, within the self limitation - thus, when one doesn't actually decide, but rather "go with the flow", one is trying to avoid the expected self blame / guilt for the mistakes one belief self will inevitably make - thus instead of being the self directive principle as making a directive decision - self allows things to just happen - but, in retrospect, as self looks back into how self has lived ones life - it is much more cool to actually decide - for better or worse - at least this way you know you are alive in a way - and not just a flowing / falling leaf...
I have been a flowing / falling leaf most of my life - but, I've realized that being a flowing / falling leaf is an illusion - it means not being awake, not taking responsibility for anything, just following what the situation brings forth, believing it is nature / existence directing the show, but actually one has made the decision of being a follower while other people direct and decide, thus by flowing / following / falling as a leaf, one actually allows others to direct ones life.
there were many situations where I just followed / flowed with / fell into the situation instead of directing it, but then looking back you see yourself and you know you could have done something different, and you know you knew exactly what had to be done, exactly what you needed / wanted to do, but didn't, and you know you were too afraid to do anything and step out of the comfort zone of flowing / following - and then you are left with the regret - and regret is a nasty experience, and one that is hard to let go of, and forgive yourself for - instead rather not fall / flow / follow in that trap to begin with… I've done this for years, and it's a hard pattern to brake free from. But I guess here I am writing about it, starting to take responsibility for it, starting to see how I've lived it, and within my writing, the more I write, the more I see, the more I can direct myself to change myself as this patterns I have existed as, and into an expression of life, as the expression of myself, within making decisions for / as myself.
I know that some of you, as I did, have a really nice, even spiritual idea about flowing like a leaf, allowing the wind to take self where the wind desire, as the expression of nature and existence - an experience of being a part of something greater - but when looking at it, all that it is, is allowing self to make the fear greater than self, and then being directed by these fears in an illusion that it is romantic and beautiful, when in fact it is giving your life away.
Where as, the actual "beauty" is when you are really aligned with yourself, as when you are one with yourself there is a natural flow as there is no inner conflict as the mind, creating conflict, friction and confusion - that is the kind of flow that I'm looking for, being totally myself, one and equal with myself, directing myself in walking my own path, as appose to existing as a leaf because I am too afraid to make a decision, because I'm afraid making a mistake - so i prefer others to make the mistake so at least i can blame them - but that is a life of regret... I'm not interested in that any more...
Regret is a bitch - it's cool to see what we have done and know that we don't approve of such behavior and so from that perspective it's a cool learning platform - but it sucks!! so prevention is the best cure - best not to create regrets through living like a lifeless powerless fearful leaf that flows / follows / falls, but rather become self directive within the Principe of equality and oneness as living that which is best for all.
It's best to get our act together, and stop the act - stop existing in fear, and start living - and making decision, being self directive, finding out who I am in relation to all that exists around me, finding out who I am as the mind through making decisions, through walking them, through facing myself, within realizing that only through knowing myself as who I really am, as who I created myself as, as who / what I accepted and allowed myself to be / become - will I be able to slowly but surly entangle the chains I have placed around my neck, and slowly but surly peal off the layers of self deception I have hidden within - and start realizing myself as who I am, and make the only choice that is worth making - as to live one and equal with / as myself, within self honesty, as the expression of life.
I will continue with self forgiveness
To learn more about yourself and how reality functions, please consider a FREE online Course
Desteni I Process Lite - Learn Practical Life Skills Online
Also, Please check out the following Links:
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